Post # 1
Someone suggested I posted this to a “wedding” related board, so sorry if you’ve already read this in “waiting”.
Man of my dreams…check. Awesome and stable relationship…check. Financially secure… kinda sorta, enough to sustain myself and save a little… check. Ring on the way!!!… CHECK!
Agreeing on a wedding party… CRAP! Paying for a wedding… CRAP!!!
So last night I asked my boyfriend who he wants in our wedding party. He named some friends, his brother, and my brother. 5 people. He asked who I would chose, and I said named 4 friends and his 2 sisters. 5 and 6. Damn. There is a disconnect there. Secondly, I asked who his best man is, and he named TWO friends AND his brother. THREE BEST MEN? Am I crazy thinking that this is over the top? My feeling is when 60% of your wedding party is named “best”, it defeats the meaning of the title. Secondly, he said we don’t need to have both his sisters, as it makes an uneven number. How do I choose between his sisters?! I suggested that if he tells his two best friends that his brother is his best man, they’d understand, and that we could add one of my close guy friends as a groomsman to even things out…. we left it at that to avoid a fight, to be discussed later.
From wedding party, we moved to venue, and then I started another bout of freaking out! Who is going to pay for this wedding?! We have GIANT families. My family is Indian, and his is Irish Catholic. GIANT families! Tons and tons of people! His cousin’s wedding in 2009 had 300+ people, my cousin’s wedding in 2009 had 500+ people! We’re going to average around 300+… That is a TON of people to feed! (Trimming the guest list isn’t an option…).
Does anyone else get like this?! I feel insane. There isn’t even a ring on my finger, and we kinda sorta have a date… but that’s about it. Why am I stressing out so early? Does this get easier? Am I weird to stress?
Post # 3
Some things are better to just let go of – for instance, if he wants 3 best men then so be it, i would honestly just let him do it, its not worth the stress or arguing over and i mean the only thing it affects is how its written in the program. Compromise is something you will have to do often in wedding planning and throughout your marriage.
If you want an even number of groomsmen to bridesmaids i would do just as suggested and throw in another guy , i wouldnt choose between his sisters…just IMO – feelings WILL be hurt.
Budget/Who is paying is something you want to figure out first, before booking anything – have you asked your parents for help? do you two plan on paying yourself? once that is figrued out then i would move on to an actual number.
I come from a pretty good sized family. Im one of 5 kids (italian/Catholic) but my husband comes from a HUGE (Irish Catholi) family, He is one of 13 kids…his mom is one of 12 and his dad is one of 15 so you can only imagine how many cousins, aunts, uncles, grandkids, etc….Keeping the guest list to a minnimum was HUGE for us. We tried to keep it to family, immediate and extended and only invite a closest friends (which was mostly our bridal party) We opted for a February wedding (due to miliatry deployments in my family) but it actually worked out in our favor….Being that it was winter, the middle of the school year and about half our our guests had to travel from up north – i think this helped in keeping our guest list slim, Lots of No’s when RSVPs started coming in and i was actually happy about those no’s. We also opted for a No Kids reception (besides siblings) which i think also played a huge part in keeping the guest list low. out of 250 guests we ended up with a 120. it was a perfect scenerio for us.
i wouldnt necessarily say the stress dwindles but it does get a little easier when you finally have some things locked down, like budget and venue – from there i found it a lot easier to plan..
Good Luck! Happy Planning!
Post # 4
@kimbean: 1st take a deep breath…..
When is your wedding? Whats your max cap you are looking to reach? Are you paying for everything or is your families helping?