- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2015
My Mr. and I met in 2007 and started dating seriously in spring of 2008. Marriage came up in discussion soon after, brought up by him asking me my opinion on rings. I met his kids (from a previous marriage) and his parents, he met my parents. He invited me to move in when my lease was up. I did so in Dec 2008 because he said that marriage was something he saw us doing in the future. He also told me that the only other woman he’d ever lived with he eventually married. By summer of 2009 his kids think of me as their step mom, I’ve met more of his extended family, he’s met more of my friends. In November 2009 we talk about pre-nups and taking a big trip to Europe. We’ve talked about getting married when the kids are home for the summer. We sent out Christmas cards with our names and the kids picture where he says that he’ll have to explain to some of the relatives I haven’t yet met that I’m, as he says, the “future Mrs. Violette”. I’m insured to drive his cars, his kids call me for advice, or just to say hello. His Mom and I email each other frequently, I pick out gifts for his nephews. We’ve talked about having our wedding in the back yard as a BBQ. But still no proposal.
So I started planning because it was driving me crazy. I wanted some kind of forward movement. I’m a do-er.
I found the shoes, they were gorgeous and $50 so I bought them. I began looking at dresses, I even went to try some on and found “the One” and later got it on eBay for $200. No lampshade princess dress for me, I’m too old for that. I’ve never been married. He was married once previously. We are both in our mid-40’s and extremely compatible in our likes/dislikes/temperment/lifestyle. We are both somewhat frugal, reasonable people when it comes to finances and believe in “less is more”. I have several diamond rings I inherited from relatives that I have told him I wanted to use for my own ring. I even sat down with a jewelry designer friend who quoted me a price for a unique design of my own at $1500-1800, including recycling-resetting the stones I have.
At Christmas he admitted he had no idea what to give me for a gift. I was surprised and so I said that maybe he could get my ring done. He made a face and said that was very expensive when I quoted him this price. I thought I was doing him a favor by letting him know what I wanted and by making it reasonable and green too. He can say he loves me, which he does. He can demonstrate he loves me by all the little sweet things he does, but I want a ring. To me it is a physical symbol of the man’s committment to the woman. The size doesn’t matter to me (none of these diamonds is larger than .75 karats) but him getting them re-done for me and giving it to me with a proposal matters a great deal to me.
I’m a grown up. I have the money on hand right now to buy my own ring and even pay for my share of a wedding/honeymoon if I had to. But that’s not the point, the point is that I am getting tired of waiting for him to ask me. It seems like he comes up with some kind of reason for not doing it. He wants to buy more investment property, the kids school schedules, etc. I don’t want a huge wedding. I’d be thillled with the backyard BBQ, the children, and a few family and friends. I thought we might get married this summer when the kids were here and then we could do our European trip as our honeymoon – but this is not how he saw that trip going.
How long do I wait? I’m not getting any younger or better looking. There’s no biological clock – it’s not an issue at all – but this whole thing is beginning to wear on me. I have even told him that he has to be the one to ask me. I’m not gonna ask him, that’s his “job”. I’ve done my side of the prep work for the pre-nup. He’s done nothing as far as I know. If I am truly as wonderful as I believe I am and as he says I am, then why won’t he even propose to me? Am I nuts? Did he use up all his grand gestures on wife #1? What the heck?!