(Closed) Waiting and Waiting and Waiting for him to propose

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

hiya! welcome to the hive!! there are plenty of us in the same situation that you are or very similar, all waiting for the elusive proposal! i swear it’s like finding a unicorn!! lol!!! i think that your boyfriend is waiting to find a job.  i bet he probably feels really bad right now that you’re the only one working and contributing and moving forward into being an “adult”.  no matter how old fashioned it sounds, the guy still wants to be the manly man taking care of the home and the woman that he loves and he wants to be the provider.  I know it doesn’t help when you’re so ready to be his wife.  As to how long should you stay, that’s a question that only you can answer.  Does he know how serious this is?  I would definitely try to talk to him in a non-threatening matter and let him know how you feel and that this is seriously impacting your relationship.  Be careful to make this as non-threatening as possible because he may feel like you’re trying to completely pressure him (it doesn’t sound like this to me, but guys are crazy strange characters). HTH!

Post # 4
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think that him wanting to have a job first is really reasonable. No matter how much he loves you, maybe his pride can’t allow to say, essentially: Will you marry me (and support me?)?

Now, if he gets a job and a few months later says he’s waiting for something else… maybe then reevaluate (meaning… have a very serious talk with him). But for now, I’d say just chill.

Post # 5
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

A man’s PRIDE is a very serious issue!  I’m sure that’s whats keeping him from proposing now.  He probably wants to find a SECURE job, work a couple of months, then propose!  How else would he afford to get you any kind of ring with no income?!  So I would give him some time, just let him get through this job hump first, I’m sure he feels stressed even trying to do that!

Just ask him nicely if he does see you both getting married in the future and leave it at that for now.  Just get on his case maybe a couple months after he lands a job!

Post # 6
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

hi! welcome aboard.

as for waiting, i totally agree with jingle96. my guy is the same way. i suspect it’s hard on his ego for me to be employed while he’s looking for something. i don’t push the engagement talk because i know that he needs to feel like he’s contributing and able to take care of me since that’s his “duty” as the man. i wouldn’t begrudge him that just so we can get married sooner. i understand not wanting to watch everyone else get married around you but this situtation requires a delicate touch. i agree with asking if he sees you two being married in the future and stopping at that. it’s a frustrating job market at the moment so any emotional support you can offer him will probably be greatly appreciated!

hang in there, you’ll make it through Smile

Post # 7
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Hi, welcome! Yes, you will hear this same/similar story throughout the hive and I was there too. I guess you need to decide how important getting married is to you and have a conversation with him. You said he has no reason to marry you – you’re wrong because if that’s what you want in order for the relationship to go forward, then that’s his reason (other than the obvious ones like he loves you and wants to be with you forever).

Before you decide to do something like move out, do some real soul searching and figure out what you really want and need from him. Do you really need to be married right now or are you willing to wait? What if he never wants to get married, are you okay with that or would you move out if that’s what you heard? Can you have a conversation with him and establish a reasonable timeline other than “Once I get a job” or “Once X happens”. LIke within 1 year regardless of the job situation.

Not all guys are born dreaming about their wedding day and sometimes they don’t realize how important being married actually is. Especially when you two already live together. He needs to understand how important toyou it is and he might need a more structured timeline.

Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

divergirl: you should soo read my vent!! lol!! i went on for pages 😀 but i did it all here and didn’t take it out on m, a lot of great advice was given as well. now i look back and laugh because i’m “over it”. lol

Post # 10
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Diva, welcome to the club! I know it’s probably old news, but believe me, dudes are hardwired to be providers. Even if you were making 3 times as much money as he was, and were totally confident in supporting both of you from here on in, I’ be willing to bet he would still need some tangible way of “proving” that he is contributing equally to the relationship. Most guys I know seem to want to make sure all of their “life ducks” are in a row before taking the big plunge. I can’t explain it, but I agree with several of the other bees that getting himself set up financially before proposing is a pretty reasonable request.

I TOTALLY feel you on the agony of witnessing your friends drop like flies. It sucks. I, too, am horribly impatient in life, and particularly when it comes to my relationship. My SO isn’t really a planner, so it’s often like pulling teeth with him to think about the future. Which isn’t to say he hasn’t or isn’t thinking about it or making plans. I think having a frank conversation with him about where you want your life to go, both for yourself and with him, would help. And I agree that talking through some kind of timeline that you both can stick to would keep you both on track. Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Definitely yea!  Especially if he is close to his mom, that is a good sign 🙂  YAY!

Post # 13
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

that’s great! you’re lucky your boyfriend is willing to talk with his mom about it. my boyfriend’s mom acts so weird when anyone mentions marriage when my boyfriend and i are both in her presence. she sides with me when i’m alone with her, but when my boyfriend is around and something marriage related comes up she tells us that we shouldn’t get married until we’re 40! WTH we’ve been dating for 5.5 years and living together for 4!!

Post # 14
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

sounds like progress to me!

Post # 15
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

definitely a good sign (depending upon her answer lol boys can love their moms too mcuh sometimes)… what was the answer she gave him?

Post # 16
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

yeah im curious to know what their response was… 🙂

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