(Closed) waiting. and waiting. and waiting some more…..all this waiting is FRUSTRATING!

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think the amount of time you’ve been together is more thanreasonable, given your ages. By now, he should know one way or another whether he wants to be with you. At this point, the ring isn’t necessarily a given, but by now I’d say you’re completely entitled to a reasonable timeline. You can meet men you love your whole life, but being able to have children, as you know, is a short-term blessing, and I would go so far as to say that in a couple years, perhaps you should start making that the priority.

Post # 4
Member
1417 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@mrssoontobeh:  Ohh him looking at the jewlery store is promising! I hope he does it soon for you. You two are old enough and like PP said “You can meet men you love your whole life, but being able to have children, as you know, is a short-term blessing”

  I’d talk to him about a timeline. Explain to him that you do want children and how you feel. I also think you have been together for enough time. Maybe he is planning something for your birthday but I’d try not to get your hopes up!

  Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
263 posts
Helper bee

@mrssoontobeh:  I’m almost in the same boat as you! I’m 31 (turning 32 next month) and my SO is 36. Good luck with your birthday! Perhaps we’ll be wedding twins!!

Post # 6
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

@mrssoontobeh:  I’ve been waiting for over a year, never pressured, or mentioned things. Sometimes I just want to elope and get it over with already, thaT’D BE FUN LOL. GOOD LUCK

Post # 7
Member
901 posts
Busy bee

I think after a year when you’re in your 30’s, you should be talking getting married or moving on.

Post # 8
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Agreed with all the other bees. You have a reasonable concern for your age and having children, but for some reason don’t understand that restriction well. And it’s not like you’ve been together for a month, a year and a half definitely entitles you to a sit-down timeline talk. I hope he wakes up and puts a ring on it soon!

Post # 9
Member
7 posts
Newbee

@mrssoontobeh:  

 

Same for me. I am 30 he is 37. dating almost 14 months, living together 10 out of it. He said one year is not enough to figure out and he sees future for us and loves me a lot. I do not know what to think, I do not want to plan kids close to 35. Read my post, I understand what you feel. I even regret I moved in.. 

Post # 11
Member
242 posts
Helper bee

Hi I feel your pain and then some. To the point where I truley believe my situation is hopeless. I’m almost 37 and I know I maybe only have a year or 2 to have biological kids and me and my so been together for over a year now. I’ve come to a point in which I have to make a decision to leave soon. He keeps saying soon and we need to work through some stuff first but that soon never comes. I think I may not have any time left but I think you still have time left. I would just try to be patient and have that discussion with him about where he sees it going. Then based on your discussion and his answer decide from there. If you really see yourself with him then it might be worth waiting a bit for to see. But don’t wait forever and try to decide what your bottom line is when you will walk. Im bummed because if I leave my bf then I’m stuck in a position of having to meet someone new and that could take even more time. It really sucks that we women have to worry so much with our biological clocks and guys don’t seem to care so much or worry at all about that.

Post # 12
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

@biochic75:  Good luck biochic! This biological clock business is driving me crazy too. I mean, I’m fine with adopting, but I also don’t want to be an old mom, or have my boyfriend be an old dad. My dad is an older dad, and though I love him to pieces, I think it would have been easier with younger parents. Crossing my fingers for all of you. And me too since I’m of a similar age, and waiting for a bus that never seems to get here, and makes me feel like maybe I’m at the wrong bus stop. =)

Post # 13
Member
7 posts
Newbee

ladies, too many are in the same situation seems like our SOs were create at the same factory. Last night he brought up this talk again about moving possibly for a work (he wants a job in the state closer to family and wants me to go with him) so I said that I will move and change my life upside down to go with him only if I have guarantees for our future together. How convenient – expecting me to sacrifice for him and at the same time he needs more time to figure out something about me.  I love him, but I did mistake in the past, moving for a guy and then guy dumped me – not happening again! I have learned my lesson. 

So my SO said he is sticking around and not moving because he wants to be with me. I also told him clearly that I am not going to stay and wait for several years if I am the one for him. He is 37 for God’s sake. Men after 40 trying to have kids give almost 3 times more genetic mutations to their kids in comparison to men in their 30s. Same with women trying to have kids after 35 – risks are higher.. In my country I am an old maid at my 30s because I am not married and do not have kids. I started to suspect – maybe he is a comminment fob? I told him that I see all of the excuses and see the real reason benid it – he is not sure if I am the one, how bitter it would not sound. He said I am wrong about it. 

After all, I did not find myself in a dumpster. I am smart, beautiful and have a good career. I will survive b y myself.  I am learning from my mistakes, and if this man does not see something in me there will be other man who would want to commit. I set to myself 2 years deadline. Then I would rather leave if nothing happens. Ladies, you all deserve to be happy, loved and appreciated by your men. Just remember it. 

 

Post # 15
Member
242 posts
Helper bee

Yes we all need to remember that. I just need to get to a point where i will have the courage to walk. But at that point I need to be realistic about possibly never being able to have kids. I would totally try for kids without being married but my so is not up for that idea either so I’m stuck at this point. I really didn’t think I would get to this point in my life and still be struggling to have a relationship work to the point of marriage. Will I ever catch a break in my lifetime. I do think I have a lot to offer too and am surprised I’m still single!

Post # 16
Member
263 posts
Helper bee

After several dead-end relationships, I started using it as a precursor to falling in love. BEFORE I fell in love – I wanted to know a) Is he the marrying kind? Does he actually see himself getting married? Like soon or some distant future? Is he excited about the possibility? b) Does he actually want to have kids? Is he excited to be a father? Now or like 6 million years from now?

It has moved my percentage of dating guys that are excited to get married and have kids with me from -1000% to +200%

The topic ‘waiting. and waiting. and waiting some more…..all this waiting is FRUSTRATING!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors