Waiting and waiting for a proposal

posted 3 years ago in Proposals
  • poll:
  • Post # 16
    1757 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Time to put on your big girl panties-“I can’t be without him yet being with him unmarried will make me miserable the rest of my life”

    Actions speak louder than words, he doesn’t want to marry you hes only feeding you lipservice when he talks about getting married. He’s feeding you breadcrumbs so you’ll stick around. He’s not serious- and he’s not going to be serious until you are. Do you want to get married? Sit him down and set a date.

    Post # 17
    1492 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    desiderata :  amen! You said this beautifully. I’m so sick of men thinking that they get to control and make the decision on when to get engaged. A relationship has 2 people in it. I love seeing women on here empower each other to insist on having an equal voice. 

    Post # 18
    1492 posts
    Bumble bee

    Do not wait another year to ask him what his proposal plan is. Do not let him waste any more of your time. 

    Heres the thing. If you stay with him and accept that he never wants to marry you, you are setting yourself up for getting dumped and left for another woman. I once dated this guy who so wasn’t that into me and my girl friend said to me, how horrible is it going to be if you stay in this on off thing with him and one day he comes home and has met someone he does like enough to be in a relationship with. How sad will that make you feel? She was right! 

    You need to ask him for a concrete timeline to get engaged. If he doesn’t want to get married and you “stay with him anyways bc you can’t live without him” trust me you are only wasting your own time bc one day many years from now he will turn to you and say, I’m done I met someone else. Bc if he doesn’t want to marry you it’s becauae he isn’t that in love with you and he WILL use you to waste time with u til he does find some girl he wants to marry. 

    So don’t be shy. He has had 5 years. Speak up and ask him for a proposal timeline. If he refuses to co promise and pick a timeline you gotta walk away. Because at least If you walk away you can use that time to find someone who will love you and be excited to marry you. Go read the boards on here and see the sob stories of women who waited 10 years. Don’t say we didn’t warn you. 

    Post # 19
    32 posts
    • Wedding: August 2019

    maybe he’s really preparing everything you both need for the future, either financially or mentally or could be both. if he really loves you and he do wants a marriage as you said, he wouldn’t have done something out of the ordinary just to fulfill your urge of getting married. it takes courage and patience to go along with the process, but i guess, it’s not too late even if you’re married in another 1-2 years from now or maybe even more. just don’t do something that pressures him too much that might causes you your relationship. Cheer up bee!

    Post # 20
    1506 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2019

    Just echoing what other Bee’s have stated, it’s time to have an honest conversation about your future together. A conversation that maps out a timeline, as well as wants & needs in your relationship, for both of you. 

    We can’t expect our partners to magically know what we want. Both partners must communicate. I think young women (myself included) get lost in this fairy tale that our partner is suppose to validate or legimate our relationship with a surprise proposal or some other grand gesture. However, the world doesn’t work that way. Make a list, ask him to make a list and sort it out. It will probably be easier than it seems right now and it will certainly make you feel better. Please don’t wait a year. 

    Post # 21
    10988 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    View original reply
    ladyjane123 :  

    This really is a thing.  I just did some research on whether it really is common as it seems for a guy to exit a long term relationship in which he was unwilling to commit to marriage.  Then, seemingly immediately, he’s married to someone else.

    Yes, it is true.  There are several reasons for this. One of the worst, from the perspective of a Waiting Bee is that you made him a more desirable partner.  You taught him a lot about how to be in a relationship.  He may even dress better and have a cooler haircut because of you.

    Unfortunately, all you were doing was foaming the runway for the next woman. 

    Something to keep in mind when the relationship starts wracking up a lot of miles but hasn’t gone anywhere.

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