Post # 1
Hello to everyone ..this will be my firts post here, so please bare with me….
i would like your opinion on what i should do about this waiting game that seems to be…well……. annoying!
im 25 yrs old (will be 26 in 2 weeks…eeekk) my bf is 22, have been with him for almost 3 1/2 years… been living with him for a little over a year… i will give u a little history on our relationship… we moved in together because he started school away from home and neither me or him wanted to break up or have a long distance relationship (my previous relationship was long distance and obvi didnt work)….. we had talked about getting married i think about a year after we started daiting! but know he seems to get annoyed whenever i wanna talk about it. i would like to get married soon and start a famiy i think this is a good age for us i mean im almost 26 and im not even engaged to the guy and we both wanna wait after we’re married to have kids.
i understand that maybe he wants to finish school first and thats ok with me but i kinda want to know if hes serious about us ! am i wasting my time? sometimes i regret moving in with him
another thing is MONEY…..he got a truck about a year n a half ago and hes still paying it up…not a day goes by that he tell me he doesnt have money ( we both go 50/50 with all the expenses) i dont ever… and i mean ever ask him to buy me anything i work and i earn my own money…but when he tells me hes broke all i can think about is WELL THEN THAT MEANS NO RING FOR ME ANY TIME SOON!… of course i never tell him that i dont want him feeling pressured!
its really hard for me when co workers or friends ask me hey when r u getting married??o
most of my friends from middle school are already married and have kids and it seems like im the odd one!
should i give him an ultimatum? should i just suck it up? bees please tell me what you think i should do???
thanks in advance!!!
Post # 3
Just knowing most 22 year old guys, I don’t think that he is really thinking about marriage at this time. I also think most guys want to have a steady income, be on their career path and be able to pull their weight plus some easily before they want to get married. I would have a talk and just ask what he sees in this relationship and if he sees it progressing and in how long he sees living the lifestyle you are wanting from him. If you are on the same page then I would stay. If it is wishy washy- I would really think hard about what I wanted. Good luck!!!
Post # 4
he tells me he wants to mary me and he wants kids and he knows i wanna start a family before im 30. I asked him when he would think he”ll be ready to get married and he said i dont know..not right now!…. it made me so sad!….
im ready for something hes not!
Post # 5
Waiting is so hard…when I married my first husband he was only 22. I was a little older and thought I was ready for marriage. We weren’t! For some couples it works and and everyone is different. If you want different things although it is hard too I would consider your options. I hope this helps.
Post # 6
I would talk to him and see when he sees himself getting married. Not right now is not a good answer. Is he talking about a year? Two? Another three? Once you have his answer, you can decide if you’re willing to wait that long.
Post # 7
Thank you ladies for your responses!
i will def ask him when he sees himself getting married i just dont know how to do it without making him feel preassured and i am so afraid of his answer because im sure he will say I DONT KNOW!
But i wont take answer he needs to tell me an specific time!
When hes done with school theres a pretty good chance he will get a job somewher we just dont know where i have been considering not moving with him if theres not a ring on my fingering (theres a pretty good chance he’ll get a job out of state i dont wanna leave my fam for someone whos not ready to commit)
Once again bees thank u!
Post # 8
@SweetGlitz: He’s really young. I know you are ready but he is obviously not.
Post # 9
@nycsa you have no idea how many times i’ve thought “why did i started dating someone that young??” He was almost 19 and i was 22 but i really love this guy and i know he loves me too!
this is so hard an i def not wanna break up with him! I might have to compromise but is it fair for me to compromise on something like that!?
Post # 10
I am not sure “fair” is the way to look at it. His age is his age. He will get older and you won’t lose much by waiting a year or two. I think it will work better if he is older, if he marries before he is ready, it might not be the best way to maximize the success of your marriage.
Post # 11
It sounds to me like perhaps you are at a different point in your natural life cycle than he is. He will likely feel the same way you do about things when he is your age, but for right now you are there and he is not. He’s not ready, it sounds like.
Women still have relatively normal reproductive rates up to around 35 so you have almost another decade before you really would have to start considering whether or not you want kids NOW or you can wait or not have any. I think that it is completely normal to be in your place at your age (wanting kids and marriage) but I also think it is completely normal for him to be in his place at his age.
You should have a conversation with yourself and really figure out if you’re willing to wait until he is ready, knowing that it could easily be another 3-5 years.
Post # 12
Most 22 yr old guys do not want to get married, even if he loves you alot. He is in school and has no money, which is understandable since he’s only 22. It will be at least a couple years before he is in any position to get married in the first place – stable job, able to buy a house, thinking about starting a family. If you really love this guy your going to have to wait until he is ready.
Post # 13
So should i even ask him or should i just leave it alone and wait until hes ready!?!???