(Closed) Waiting as a student vs. employee

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
716 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m both a student (finishing my PhD) and a full-time employee which means I have NO TIME EVER and it drives me nuts to be waiting but Boyfriend or Best Friend says its for my own good so I don’t jump head first into wedding planning while I’m still finishing the dissertation… which just puts even more pressure on me to finish the diss!!!!

Post # 5
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

At least if I were working, I’d be working and saving money! We’re both students, he’s funded as a Ph.D., and my master’s isn’t, so money is tight regardless PLUS we’re long distance at different schools. Definitely makes the waiting harder!

Post # 6
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Dell79:  Yay! Another accounting geek like me! lol, good luck on the CPA

Post # 7
Member
229 posts
Helper bee

Huh. This is an interesting question, because I’m a full-time employee whereas my SO is a full-time student (also finishing up the dreaded dissertation!). I’ve been thinking about this lately and have decided that it is probably a pretty huge contributor to how we’re each approaching engagement.

Being in school, SO always has mini-goals that he’s working toward. He’s always worrying over lab work or a manuscript or something, so I think it keeps his mind pretty well occupied– and he either doesn’t have time / doesn’t want to throw something else (engagement, another “goal”) into the mix. I think he also feels like he doesn’t have an “adult” life yet.  

However, my life is so constant and routine, I feel like I’m just itching for the next thing (getting married!). With all my free time post-grad school, I just want to have SO around all the time to share it with him. Probably also doesn’t help that I’m always looking at calendars at work for scheduling meetings, etc. It’s a continual reminder of time passing, lol.

So yeah, I would totally agree with your assessment above, allergicbee! I think that working a 9-5 job makes it more difficult to wait. It really was only after I finished grad school and started working that I began to think about engagement a lot more!    

Post # 8
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Ambergris:  This is exactly how my SO feels! “I’m not a real adult, so how could I be married!” He didn’t say that exactly, but it’s sort of how he’s approached this, while I’m like, I’m graduating, we’ve been together 5 years, what’s the hold up?? haha

Post # 9
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I would think that I’d not be going crazy waiting since I work full time AND I’m in school part time (doing a Bachelor of Management in HR), it seems like I shouldn’t even have time to think about an engagement, but that’s like what 95% of my thoughts are…

Post # 10
Member
229 posts
Helper bee

@love108: I know! Half the time he talks about how he’s not a “real adult” yet (b/c he’s only ever been in school) and the other half of the time he bemoans the fact that he’s “an old man” (i.e. almost 30 haha). 

Post # 11
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I think it’s easier as a student because (at least in my experience) we are more waiting for life to came together than for him to put a ring on it. 

Post # 12
Member
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

As a student I don’t think I have as much time to dwell on getting engaged. But apparently I still have some time for it (especially because I’m currently on spring break). Still I was so much happier working full time than being a full time student. I felt like I was actually doing something with my life. Now I’m half way through my degree and the end seems beyond my reach. I have no sense of accomplishment in my life right now. I mean hooray I finished the two lab reports and 8 homework sets due next week but guess what? All that means is it’s time to study for the two tests the week after in addition to the next two lab reports and 8 homework sets. And I’m paying to torture myself! I mean I know I’m working to get the degree to get the job but the payoff for all my hard work is 2 years away rather than the two weeks for that bimonthly paycheck. That feeling of being stagnant certainly seems to make waiting hard for me. I’m also waiting to hear back about an internship and it’s got me even more agitated. 

Post # 13
Member
2949 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’m current;ly studying part time towards my Honous degree in Ancient History and working part-time at a physio clinic and I can honestly say that waiting has been A LOT easier ever sicne the academic year has started. During the summer months… when I should have been re-learning Latin… I was just working and I was definitely more focused on how I am waiting and obsessing over how far away the second half of 2012 seemed. Now… I’m praying that June comes much much slower mainly because all my essays and presentations seem to be due in May and June. I feel like I don’t have time to feel like I’m waiting when I’m trying to juggle readings, essay research, dissertaion research, learning French and Latin, extra curricular activities, working and being a good girlfriend/good friend/good sister/ good daughter all at the same time.

Post # 14
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I thought it sucked regardless. Busy or not it was always in the back of my mind. 

When you start studying for the CPA exam full time you will be so busy & your brain will be mush so then maybe you won’t think about it at all! Fiance was not so fun to deal with when he was studying/taking it.

Post # 15
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I feel that people’s exepcataions of you once you have reached the end of your school career, or even are on a long break from it, is that you will be of an age where you will be married.  I ahve been working full time since college graduation many years ago, while Boyfriend or Best Friend has been in and out of work and school both.  So people look at me and expect me to be married… while they look at him and see he’s not in a place where he’s even financially ready for it, even though we live together and have for years.  

I feel that when you are in school, even when pursuing an advanced degree, people cut you a little more slack than they do once you are in the ‘real world’ for good.  When I could answer the dreaded, “Whay aren’t you married?” questions with, “I/We are still in school,” it was a lot easier.  Now that we are in our 30s, and Boyfriend or Best Friend is working while finishing up his degree, I can tell people give us a lot less leeway, and tend to be a bit less forgivinging in their questions.  

Post # 16
Member
78 posts
Worker bee

It’s been hard for me no matter what my situation.  I think it actually may be worse for me now that I’m back in graduate school because I spend more time contemplating my future, trying to figure out what to do when I finish my degree.  Hard to make those decisions without considering the impact it will have on my relationship, our finances, etc.  

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