(Closed) Waiting Bees: Are/were you in a sliding relationship?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 46
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

SO and I have been together for 4.5 years, and will be moving in together in a few months. We have discussed this next step thoroughly (since we’ve had so long to plan it), and have decided that we will wait at least 3 months after moving in until we get engaged. We both feel its important to know that we can live together before we commit the res of our lives together. Plus, it allows for all the adjusting pains to take place BEFORE we get engaged/married, so we can focus on everything good that is going on in our lives without it being tainted. Like other bees have said, I’ve seen enough stories on here where women find out crazy stuff about their husbands after marriage (anyone else remember the diaper one?!), and I’d rather get it our of the way before we get married than after. SO is fully commited to me and to us getting married, and we have already agreed to split our finances proportionately until we are married (he makes much more than I do), which shows that he’s willing to make both an emotional and financial investment in us.  I think the key here is honesty. I have freinds who are straight up with their SO’s that they don’t waant to get married, and would just like to live together. If your SO is lying to you to get you to split bills, then you have another issue entirely. As long as everyone is on the smae page and not mislead, I think cohabitating is fine.

  • This reply was modified 7 years, 7 months ago by MissPoutine.
Post # 47
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

DH and I lived together for 3 years before we got married. It gave us the opportunity to work through problems a new married couple would face if they didn’t live together. It is different for every couple, though, and I let my now DH know that I wouldn’t be his live in gf without a ring. 

Post # 48
1648 posts
Bumble bee

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elliptical2013:  We knew we were going to get married before we moved in together. And I had known and been best friends with Fiance for many years before. I think it’s all about knowing your partner and what you want your futures to be. 

Post # 49
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

While I cannot say for sure (since he hasn’t proposed yet) but things are moving towards a proposal by the end of summer 2014.

BF and I had some serious talks before moving in together. It wasn’t about saving money (we were both bill paying/rent paying independent adults before doing this). We both agreed we were heading towards marriage and wanted to spend some time getting to know each other more fully living together.

It definitely added a level of seriousness to our relationship, I consider him more my parner than a boyfriend because to me it doesn’t convey the seriousness of our relationship. I get frustrated he hasn’t proposed yet but we’ve only been living together just over a year (and together 2 years in July) so for us, moving in helped solidify what we both already knew.

We are mom and dad to 2 cats (who used to be mine but who adore him now too) and partners in crime.

Moving in for us was a good thing and make me able to move forward with no doubts.

Post # 50
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest

Interesting article! 

I think I’ve been in both situations. I was in a relationship where it was the “next logical step” and we moved in together because I thought it was a next step, and he loved me and went along with it even though he was never fully committed. It was a complete mess because of that.

Our current situation was a decision. In the spirit of full disclosure I think if we had held off moving in together until we were engaged we would be engaged by now… but I’m also very happy that we lived together first because we both had lived with people before and think it’s important. For us moving in together was a quick decision, and I didn’t see it coming. I wanted to live with my boyfriend very much at the time, but I figured it would be months before we would be there. When he formally asked me it was really one of the sweetest things ever! He gave up his apartment and I moved out of my parents (I had moved home temporarily before we met because I moved back to my hometown). We got our own new place, and have since bought a house. 

Marriage has ALWAYS been on the table, and a priority for us. The only thing we don’t necessarily agree on is babies or marriage first… and I’ve made it clear that we won’t be intentionally making babies until there is a ring on my finger! 

Post # 51
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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elliptical2013:  I think different cultures/countries view things differently too… I’m from the UK and EVERYONE here co-habits before getting married! 

I moved in with Fiance after about a year and, 8 amazing years later, we’re now planning our wedding! At no point have we been ‘sliding’ lol. We are entering our next chapter (as husband and wife) now, knowing that we are right and completely compatible in every way!  I wouldn’t change a thing 🙂

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