Post # 1
I was curious whether any of you waiting Bees have an ex who you “waited” for in the past. You guys discussed marriage, set a timeline, maybe even looked at rings, but for whatever reason it didn’t work out.
Before my current SO, I dated my ex for six years and was actively “waiting” for two (I was even on WB! but only as a lurker). We had discussed getting engaged after I finished my degree, but he dumped me instead!
In hindsight I should have realized he heart wasn’t in it. Clearly it worked out for the best, because my current SO is amazing!
Post # 3
I have never waited period. I had never even heard of the concept until the bee. However, this is my second engagement if that counts for something. The first guy was definitely the wrong guy and I am so thankful I didn’t go through with the marriage.
Post # 4
I had 2 previous engagements and so has my current Fiance.
The first guy was my first love. We were dating for about 3.5 years. Got engaged on my 19th birthday and 2 months after that I ended the relationship. I started dating him when I was 14 maybe but didn’t make it an official relationship until I was 16. We never made any official wedding plans.
The second guy I was just plain stupid. We were engaged 2 months after we were dating – there was barely any time between 1st engagement and 2nd engagement. I got pregnant a month later. We didn’t start planning a wedding until we were together about 1.5. We had the venue picked out and the deposit on my dress. We didn’t make it past 2 years.
My current (and last) Fiance have a wonderful relationship. We have been together almost 6 years (December) and got engaged in March. This wedding will definitely be happening! Before we were engaged, we would talk about and my main rule was no diamond. I had 2 diamond rings previous and he proposed with 2 diamonds previously. I have a beautiful sapphire with diamonds on the side.
Post # 5
I honestly never even heard of the term “waiting” until I joined WB. I never wanted to get married before I met my husband though (I don’t want kids).
Post # 6
I’m sure I never would have heard of waiting either except that I happened to be on The Bee at that time (I was a bridesmaid). Though I legitimately wanted to marry my ex at the time (not sure what past me was thinking — we were all wrong for each other!).
sounds like you’ve got a great guy this time!
Post # 7
I dated a guy over 5 years and we looked at rings and talked about marriage alot. But I came to the realization that it was not what I wanted and we broke up (it was so easy and we both agreed and we are stil friends to this day which is awesome). I met my husband about a year or so later and we dated over 3 and I waited for a while and I did give him a deadline, more due to the fact that we both want a family sooner rather than later and I wanted to be married first.
Post # 8
I was waiting with my Fiance first and only for two yrs bc he knew he wanted to marry me like 6 months in. I was flattered but didn’t think he was really serious til a few months after that. I was waiting before I knew it was a thing ha ha. I know a few girls waiting for really long….(longer than 2yrs) I feel bad for them. I know it sucks, it was a hard time to wait that long but I knew ring was coming one day.
I thought my ex and I would get engaged bc he was a say what you want to hear type of guy. He was all like we are going to have great passion for years to come. I bought it. he wows you and everything but..I told him cheating and beating are my non negotiables. He broke up with me that wknd.
Hindsight 20/20 he ended up marrying this girl within 4 months of our break up who was a big loser bc he needed to feel like he was able to take care of the woman – I was too independent and didn’t have any baggage. I also fit too well to what his parents wanted for him. That was one of the hardest break ups for me, he literally told me “my feelings for you have no validity.” It turned out, I realized after the fact he was a closet raging alcoholics and had an eating disorder (I suspected).
Then after he was married for a yr he starts sending my best friend a fb msg saying he wanted to hang out with her. He was obviously a cheater. I think the wife has mental health problems possibly as a result of his crappy behavior. I see now that this was a crappy breakup for me but it really was a blessing in disguise bc I would have a baby right now and have a cheating husband if I was with him. Going thru that was actually good bc I soon met my fiance after even tho I waited 6 months to even meet him from being so hurt. It makes me appreciate my fiance bc he is not a bullshitter.
Does anyone else want to secretly tell girls you know will never be proposed to to walk? I feel bad they are wasting their time but hope their men propose for the girl’s sake.
Post # 9
@Olympia: Yep. I was with my ex for 5 1/2 years. We had a place together. Looked at rings. Talked about it with our families. He had everything written down that I liked.
I waited and waited and waited. Then he dumped me and said he didnt want to end up like his parents, whos marriage didn’t work out.
Post # 10
@Olympia: I usually just do the polls, but I’m answering because I didn’t completely understand the poll until I read your question (I’M sorry I should have read first, its Fri night and I’m relaxing with red wine in the hive haha!)
I was in a 6 year relationship long before this one. Oh my goodness, I thought we were going to get married, be together forever, high school sweethearts FOR LIFE haha. But……we were toooo young to deal with the emotions of real life, understanding ourselves, what being and adult really meant…and it didn’t work out. I mean, we started dating at 17 and thought we knew it all…first love.
When I was with him-I was never ‘excited’ about getting married, never counted down, never looked for this website. It was tainted because he was always cheating, and I sort of knew it but as time went on it became so obvious that it was clear he wanted out.
Fast forward to my current guy…..We are in love, not the same ‘crazy’ first love but a real, mature, awesome love. We talk about the future, plan for the future, and just have a nice life that I’m so stoked for us to get married and have a wedding, have babies, grow old together, etc.
My answer is that I never ‘waited’ before…I hoped to get married and it just never worked out. I’m totally waiting now because we’ve talked about IT HAPPENING for real….and I know in my heart its only a matter of time before the proposal, wedding, famility, etc.
Post # 11
I was with my ex for four years – within the first year he initiated talk about marriage, and we were both happy and excited. Over time he was less and less able/willing to talk about it, yet did not want to break up… (note, we lived together) meanwhile I grew more and more resentful that he wasn’t communicating with me. Finally I ended the relationship.
A few years later I met my current bf, we’ve been dating almost two years and have had many serious conversations about marriage over the past 4-5 months and we have bought a ring together. We have a few logistics to get through before we get engaged but it should be soon.
The biggest difference to me is the WILLINGNESS to communicate honestly.. it has been so much easier and healthier with my current boyfriend. We both have shared our thoughts and feelings and thankfully they are on the same page. In my experience, waiting gets bad when there is an imbalance of power or roadblock to talking.
Post # 12
@GB520: I do often want to tell girls that their BF is never going to propose! I’m sure some of that is just me projecting my own experiences on them, though, so I keep my mouth shut.
Sounds exactly like what I went through. My ex just couldn’t handle having to share a life and make desicions together and comprimise. Now he’s free to do exactly as he likes (and I think he’s happier for it)!
Sounds like you found the right one this time!
My communcation with my current SO has improved a ton over my last relationship as well. I feel like we can talk about anything because I’m confident that he loves me and wants to be with me (rather than just not wanting to be alone).
Post # 13
I waited with my ex. for the first year or so, he asked me to marry him all the time, but I wasn’t ready. Then about 4 years in, he got a ring and started freaking out about marriage, the relationship, me. We got through it and he proposed 6 months after that (I started talking about marriage probably a year or so prior to the ring getting, but I think I was only really “waiting” during the time I knew he had the ring). We were engage for about 14 months, the wedding was entirely planned, etc. About 2 months before the wedding date he freaked out again and asked to postpone for an indefinite amount of time And go back to being boyfriend and girlfriend. I said no, either he married me or we broke up. After two weeks he decided he wanted to marry me. The next day I discovered he’d been cheating on me via texts. Wedding cancelled 35 days out. Worst experience ever, but thank GOD I didn’t marry him.
Current boyfriend–when we started dating, I asked him right upfront what he thought was an “appropriate” timeline for dating/engagement (Because I was with my ex for 6 freaking years and he still couldn’t marry me). He said a year of dating and that “we’ll probably get engaged next fall” (which is…now). We talked about it again a few months ago and he said the same thing. But in our recent conversations (due to attending a couple weddings and my sister getting engaged) it appears he’s not ready yet. Which is fine with me as I dont want to pressure him at this point (and we’ve only been together a year). I have a “walk date” in my head of next year (my 30th bday) but for now, I wouldn’t consider myself waiting.
Post # 14
I have never “waited”. I only learned that this was a thing when I joined the bee… I have been married before. I was not engaged, I mean not really. I never had a real ring, (he got me a bubble gum machine fake ring at one point so people would know I was married). I didn’t have a wedding. It is like a bad dream, now. There was nothing commemorating the event. He went crazy right after we got married (secretly doing drugs, beating me) he lied before we got married, and after, about so many things. Needless to say, I had to get my behind outta there. Whirlwind romances are usually a bad idea because you do not have enough time to get to know the other person.
Anyway, this time around I want everything I did not have before. We talked about an engagement and wedding. We looked at rings, and he made me tell him exactly which one I wanted. I was not waiting, though. We discussed a time frame, sort of. He surprised me by proposing way sooner than I thought he would!!!! He kept saying it would be maybe a year or two away, which was fine with me. We also discussed a longer engagement if he proposed sooner, but I did not think that would happen. I have a BEAUTIFUL ring that is not from a bubble gum machine. There will be a wedding, however small, I wanted to make that day special and memorable. We will even have a honeymoon.
I deserved to have those things then. I am blessed to have these things now, and I hope you and all the other waiting bees get those things, too! If any of you are dealing with a man who is all talk and no action, know your worth and do not be afraid to walk away. Time is a limited thing. Try to make the most of your time, and do not spend precious decades on someone who does not want the same things in life that you do. I wish you all the best !
Post # 15
@Olympia: This is my first time waiting. Now that I realize how shitty it is, if this relationship doesn’t work out, I know I will not ever be “waiting” again for someone else. It is just so unnecessarily hard on my emotions. I am really invested in this relationship and I love my SO dearly, but I would not go through “waiting” again unless I knew there was a valid reason “in 6 months I will have enough money saved and I can’t wait to propose to you”. Never again would I wait on some boy to mature into a man. This girl has learned her lesson! But my current SO has definitely stuck by me and even though things could have been better, I know that he is a kind soul and my match.
Post # 16
@Marry Jane: Uhg, I told myself that too! I swore I wouldn’t move in with another guy until I was at least engaged! But here I am
In my defense, this time feels a lot different than last time. My SO wants to get all his ducks in a row before marriage, which I can respect. I’m confident he wants to marry me… I just wish it was sooner!