(Closed) Waiting Bees, have you ever "waited" before?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Have you ever "waited" before?

    I was waiting, we never got engaged

    I was waiting, we got engaged, it didn't work out

    I was waiting, we got married, it didn't work out

    This is my first time waiting

    Other

  • Post # 17
    Member
    922 posts
    Busy bee

    @Olympia:  I’m in the same boat as you, living with the guy before getting engaged and waiting! Ugh! We’re very confident we’re going to get married. My family is waiting right along with me- we are planning a destination wedding, and everyone is ready to go on a vacation, lol.

    I too, waited on an ex, and the engagement never happened. In fact, that’s why I broke up with him. It was quite a bit different situation as he was 43 at the time and I, 26. We wanted children, and because of his age, I wasn’t going to wait forever for him. After I saw he had no intentions, I was gone. He’s 46 now, single, and probably not going to get his wish of having children unless an accident happens. 

    Post # 18
    Member
    281 posts
    Helper bee

    @Olympia:  Yeah I mean, if your SO actually has concrete plans and follows thru with his intentions, that is better than the open ended kind of waiting. I just wanna have that happiness of those girls who never had to wait and just got surprised with a loving proposal! lol. Total grass is greener syndrome I guess. Hopefully our waits are over soon:).

    Post # 19
    Member
    203 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @Olympia:  Yes I waited and we never got engaged.  

     I knew my exboyfriend since age 14, but we didn’t start dating until we were 23 years old.  I still had a year left in college.  His job was about 4 hours away so we did the long distance thing for about a year.  This was not a big deal bc I still lived at home.  His parents/family our friends all lived in the same area. 

     

    When I graduated college the next year, I found a job in his city and moved.  We lived seperately bc we thought that it would be too much for me to start a brand new job and move in together all at once. 

    In Feb 2009, we found out that his job was moving out of state.  He asked me to come with him.  I told him I wasn’t moving across the country to just be his girlfriend.  He assured me that was not the case, and that he wanted to propose.  We agreed on a year timeline.  He even took me shopping for rings three times before we moved.  I quit my job and moved with him in July.

    That fall I brought up the ring again, he told me to start looking for a place to get married.  Find out how much things costs and such.  He assured me the ring was on its way, once things “settled down”.    I stared bringing it up more at this point…he had me half way planning a wedding. 

    Needless to say, Feb 2010 came to pass and no proposal, no date set.  The excuses from him were different everytime.  Ranging from “I don’t have time to shop” to ” I will get around to it”.  I started to get my finances in order.  I knew that he was bullshitting me at this point.  I moved out in June.  We offically called it quits in Sept 2010.  I was 1500 miles away from my family and friends.  It hurt like hell. 

    About 6 weeks later, he tried to come back to me.  About a year later he also tried to talk me into forgiving him and taking him back.  I wasn’t having it.  He is a fantastic man, just sucked at following through.  I hope he learned his lesson

    I decided to stay in the state that I moved to with him, I just moved about an hour away.  Eventually,  I met a fantastic man and we are engaged and planning a wedding next year. 

    Thanks EXBF! Never would have met FH without ya!

     

    Post # 21
    Member
    124 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Tennessee

    I was with my ex for just under 4 years. Totally thought I was gonna marry him. We’d been discussing the future, what we were gonna do when he graduated (I had already), and discussed rings and timelines vaguely, but that always set him on edge and I could tell. We ended up breaking up for completely different reasons and I met my current bf 3 months later. Now, 6 months into this relationship, we’be already discussed our future and set a timeline for next year. The breakup hurt like hell, but it ended up letting me find someone who makes me happier than I could’ve ever dreamed. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    1311 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    @Olympia:  My SO is the only person I have ever dated. I’ve been waiting about a year (we celebrated 6 years together earlier this month), but he has ordered the ring and it should arrive tomorrow (at the soonest) or two weeks from Monday (at the latest). It took longer to get to this point then we originally expected (a lot of stuff has happened the past few months and he had no clue how to start shopping for a ring), but we both feel much more ready for an engagement now then we would have last year.

     

    Post # 23
    Member
    726 posts
    Busy bee

    @Olympia:  Well, my ex and I spoke about getting married, buying a house, having kids etc… after a year of being together. He’d never discuss a timeline, but spoke using “us” and “we”. I looked at rings I thought I’d like. He liked trying to surprise me, so I thought maybe he was just trying to surprise me. We were together for four years and he finally admitted that he wasn’t fussed whether he ever got married, had kids, owned a home, knowing full well that is what I wanted out of the relationship and life. 

    It’s not quite the way you described it, but to me, I was waiting for 3 years for him to pop the question. It was never going to happen. 

    Post # 24
    Member
    696 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Nope never waited. I had been in two long term relationships prior to my current relationship; one lasted 4 years (first love, from age 16-20) and another lasted two years (during college/ into grad school). I loved both of them, and my first boyfriend actually discussed marriage quite a bit, talked about our future together, wanted us to live together as soon as we graduted high school, etc…  I’d just kind of say “yeah sure” to keep the peace, assuming that because we were so young we’d likely not end up together as we grew and changed. He did seriously suggest getting engaged at the end of our relationship (as he tried to get me back- wanted to get back together and immediatley get engaged, smart plan right? I wasn’t going for it). I knew I did not want to end up with him unless he made big changes, though, so I never considered myself “waiting”; by the time I figured out he wasn’t going to change we were split up and I had decided not to consider taking him back. I really do think he was serious in his offer to get back together and get immediately engaged, but it would have been incredibly foolish and he was too immature to see that. 

    Second long term relationship was fun, ex bf was quirky and exciting but too much of a “free spirit” (read: selfish) to settle into marriage. I certainly don’t regret the relationship, but marriage was never on the table and was never a desired outcome. I was just enjoying the relationship for what it was. I honestly did not think I would want to marry before I was in my 30s before I met my current SO, and about 8-9 months in I realized this could be my last dating relationship! So, first time anticipating marriage within a relationship. That being said, he’s been engaged once before. so he has been through some of this before. 

    I will say, my mom was very adamant when I was young that I should just date to date with no intention of marriage until I was well into my twenties. She had a failed first marriage. I think I took that to heart and dated for the experience of it and was not actively seeking a marriage partner, so that may have something to do with not waiting before now. It actually surprised me when I realized I was “waiting”, since I never anticipated being in that position!

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