(Closed) Waiting Bees who aren't living with their SOs…is it more difficult?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Did not living together make the waiting period more frustrating?

    Yes, it drove me crazy!

    No, it made no difference to me.

  • Post # 3
    3354 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 1900

    I’m no longer a waiting bee but having been with my SO for 8 years I was definitely a waiting bee for a while there.  Fiance and I didn’t move in together until a few months ago, at which point we had already been engaged for longer than a year. 

    Personally, I don’t think the waiting was more difficult because we didn’t live together.  The waiting in general was hard to go through.  I can’t say that not living with each other made it even harder though, because I really didn’t want to move in together until we were engaged.  It’s just hard in general that we didn’t live together.  We would have to plan when to see each other, and due to work we never saw each other during the week.  It was this weird semi-long distance relationship even though we both lived in the same town.  So that was hard, but I really didn’t want to move in together until we were engaged so I guess that reduced my desire to move in together for awhile.

    At least you can see the light at the end of the tunnel!  Hope these next few months go by fast for you.

    Post # 4
    2116 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I have been dating my boyfriend for going on 6 years now. We moved in together after 2 years of dating and just a year ago we had to part ways and move back in with our parents. It has been really difficult having to move away from each other but we both know it’s for the best right now. We are able to pay off our debts and save easier. I miss being with him all the time but I know it’s only temporary. We actually just bought my e-ring and I am now waiting for the proposal. If you guys are meant to be together not living in the same house before marriage should not matter. Laughing

    Post # 5
    747 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I’ve been dating my SO for 4.5 years and in the same situation as you. It should be coming in 1-3 months! I do think it makes the waiting a little harder, because there will be such a definite and desirable shift when we are married.

    But, I think it also makes it easier in a way, because I do not have the added worry about living with someone and not knowing if they will propose. I see on the bee sometimes women who have lived with their SO’s for years, and their SO’s still aren’t sure if they want to get married. I can’t imagine how worried that would make me. It would make leaving (if needed) so much harder. 

    I think, for us, the hardest part is having to leave eachother at the end of the night. he works 60-70 hours a week right now, and I work about 40, so our time together is limited. Oftentimes, the only contact we’ll have in a day is him stopping by at 2 in the morning to say good night.

    I wouldn’t change it though, I think it’s given me lessons on living with other people, not going to bed angry at eachother etc. 

    Post # 6
    2080 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I voted no. I’m not a waiting bee anymore, but when I was a waiting bee, it would have driven me nuts to live with him without being engaged with a date set on the immediate horizon.

    It was actually easier for me to not live with him.

    I felt strongly that us being apart gave me leverage to keep drawing him closer, kind of like a spider drawing her prey to the web, LOL. I didn’t want him to think he could have all of me until he put a ring on it, haha.

    Post # 7
    1517 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I think waiting and not living together (and being in different cities at times) was harder because I was really desperate for forward progress that would bring us closer (physically) together. I felt like being engaged would mean we could spend more time together, and it would speed up being able to live together (and make people more accepting of us cohabitating).

    I think if we had been living together I would have been much more content overall and not been so worried about getting engaged.

    Post # 8
    1012 posts
    Bumble bee

    For me, it’s easier to go through this difficult waiting process while living apart. We did live together for 2 years, then broke up in September 2010 and got back together in December 2010. I told him then that I’d never live with another boyfriend. I need the committment of being engaged before I’d be willing to move back in. Since then, we’ve talked about moving back in together, but I’d just rather wait until he proposes and then we can be official.  Plus, when I have my crazy waiting mood swings, it’s great to not have to subject him to my funky attitude when i’m in a “why won’t he just do it already!!??” kind of mood. I also think it’s allowing him to be aware of what he’s missing when i’m not there. Lately, I’ve been trying to spend more time at my house than at his so that he can really feel what being alone is like…maybe it’ll give him a little push to make it official already. LOL he seems to not enjoy being by himself..he always complains when i’m not there, so it might be working!

    Post # 9
    431 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - Temecula, California

    I’m in the same situation as you. We’re not living together for the same reason too. I’m the only one living with my folks. He moved out of his moms place last month. Not living together doesn’t make a difference with the waiting

    Post # 10
    246 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I don’t *technically* live with my SO. I stay at his place a lot and I rent a room in a married couple’s home. Because of that, there’s isn’t really a space I call my own, which kills me ontop of the fact that I’m dying to start nesting with my honey!!

    We won’t collect our mail at the same address until after we’re married and it makes waiting very, very tough.


    Post # 11
    2468 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    It’s hard but for me it was worth it. I told my Fiance I wouldn’t even think about living with him until we’re engaged. I need commitment to do that! Still not technically living with him but I’m at his house all the time.

    Post # 12
    264 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Ok I’m not sure that living with or apart from my SO has had any impact on my “don’t you want to marry me?” mood swings. They seem to occur at about the same frequency. But one thing I know for certain is that overall I am happier living with SO. I’m more emotionally stable living with him. Life is easier to tackle because when it gets overwhelming I know I get to go home to him, he’ll listen to me be crazy, and we’ll find the solution. Its us against the world and the solution is easier to figure out when “us” is in the same geographical location.

    Post # 13
    2837 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    @SparkleSun:  I’m married now, but I refused to live with anyone until we were AT LEAST engaged. And that was a compromise. I wanted to move in with DH only after we got married. 

    Keeping myself separate was important for me just in case he wasn’t as committed to me as he said he was. I didn’t want to get myself in a situation full of hurt when I had the full power to prevent some of it. Co-mingling a household without any indication of a lifetime together seemed foolish to me, however I accept that other people like that arrangement and it works for them. 

    I missed him when we weren’t together, but I also went about my life independently of him, saw friends, engaged in hobbies, etc. It was a happy medium, and to me made no difference.

    Post # 15
    2246 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I’ve been with my SO for 2 years and we’re not planning on living together until we’re engaged. My family, especially my father, are rather traditional Filipino Catholic and living together before marriage is basically unheard of.

    To be honest, and I can only speak from my experience, I like the fact that we’re not living together yet and it makes the wait, for me, easier. I spend three nights a week at his place but during the weekdays and a coupel of weeknights, we’re apart and leading our seperate lives and doing our own things which helps me to not focus on waiting.

    Post # 16
    453 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2014 - Historic cinema

    I’ve told Manfriend that I don’t want to live together until we’re engaged, I think it would be harder living together and waiting. However he spends 6 nights a week at my place!

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