Waiting bees: why are you still waiting?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

My guy’s reason (if I had to pick one) was that he’s very purposeful and prudent, and wanted to feel ready. And now he does, and we’re going for it in the next year or so! 

It took me a while to accept how ‘slow’ he moves, but now it feels really worth it!

Post # 3
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

From discussing this with my other half, he firstly wanted to make sure our lives had settled (we were both involved in career changes / promotions etc and in night school doing a masters degree) and secondly he wanted the perfect ring for me. The ring took a bit of work to find as I’m not a person that wears a lot of sparkle so when I picked out few different gemstone designs he arranged for an etsy seller to create it and now I’m just waiting on him to say the magic words!

Post # 4
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2021

I’m so glad I have came across this post, because my situation is very strange and complex.

To try and keep it short:

I’m ready, but I am unsure whether he is as well, although we have marriage discussions (both of us want to get married and have children together), some plans for the future, same or similar values, and been together for almost 6 years. We feel very comfortable and we don’t freak out about these things.

The ring is not the problem, as I believe that the ring is the symbol of engagement, but does not define it.

He believes engagement means marriage is just around the corner, but it could be another 4-5 years to be engaged due to being halfway through our degrees, and we want to live together first as we are in an LDR in two different countries. I want to get engaged before we live together, and I do not want to wait 4-5 years until we get ENGAGED.

Although this is a factor and not a reason why I want to get engaged, however, my country is going through Brexit and we need to provide solid evidence our relationship is genuine and that we do plan to marry when my OH applies for what used to be an EU citizen permit to now a visa. (This really sucks, because the transition of leaving the EU would make this process very difficult)

Overall, I can’t see what is stopping us from getting engaged, and what we are waiting for. It is bothering me a bit, even though I am a very patient women. I will have to have words with him about the situation, there is no easy way to go around it.

Post # 5
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

If I were to take a guess, pure laziness. He has plenty of money, he wants to marry me, but he is such a bad planner. He does everything last minute (and I am a planner, so this part kills me). He promised me it would happen before the year is up, so I am assuming it will happen at the very end of the year…because he is lazy. He works 40+ hours a week and then goes to the gym when he gets home. So he doesn’t have much time, and the time he does have he wants to play video games and sleep/relax, which I don’t blame him. He works hard.

 

TLDR; Lazy

Post # 6
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I like this post! I am currently waiting and I always look at it from MY perspective, but not his. Thanks for the thinking challenge!

 

SO and I have had chats about timelines(within the next year) and we have also gone ring shopping. We own a home together and most of the time I find myself thinking WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU WAITING ON tongue-out

 

If I had to pick a reason-I think he hasn’t popped the question yet is because he thinks that after engagement immediately comes wedding, and wedding means money! I have NO problem with having a longer engagement, and i know that my parents will pay for a big chunk of our wedding. So IMO I think he is waiting a bit longer until he feels financially ready to contribute to a wedding. Dont get me wrong, i appreciate that about him! his practicality. But at this point I just feel like come on man! I want my ring!!! 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1617 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I think a sense of being too young (he turns 25 next month) and he is too comfortable in his parent’s house. His friends have dated girls for 6+ years without marriage and he somehow doesn’t understand that our timeline is different than if we met in high-school. I turn 27 in January.

Post # 8
Member
2576 posts
Sugar bee

I am “waiting,” but not really waiting, since I think his planned proposal timeline (May/June 2017) is perfect and actually wouldn’t want it any sooner.

My SO likes to do things step-wise. So, one big change, give it a few months to sink it/settle, then the next big change, and so on. 

We moved in together a few months ago. His previous roommate just moved out and we spent this entire last weekend cleaning carpets, moving all the furniture around, buying new furniture/decor, etc.

Coming up in the next 2.5 months, we have both our birthdays, our anniversary, travel to his hometown for both T-giving and Xmas, and NYE. 

Therefore, he wants to start planning the ring in January and propose by May/June. 

I think his reasoning for May/June is two-fold. Obviously, it gives him plenty of time to get the ring sorted. Mostly, though, I think he wants us to have those 5-6 months living together, just the two of us, no hectic travel, etc. to just enjoy each other before entering the crazy wedding planning time. 

Post # 9
Member
491 posts
Helper bee

sweetaslemons :  If I had to pick just one reason why I’m still waiting I think it would be because of finances! I think that it will be happening soon, once we get my kids birthdays out of the way. My daughter will turn 16 (11/1) & My son 12 (11/2). His bowling party will be 11/4 & her Sweet 16 in the City party will be 11/5! Then Christmas 7 weeks later.

Post # 10
Member
11 posts
Newbee

Oh man, I feel like I’ve been asking him this for 3 years, haha. I have been with my SO for 7 years. I have a 9 year old son from a previous relationship. And I think, aside from time and money excuses, the real reason is he’s unsure of his part in our family.

We’ve talk about things like my last name and how I wouldn’t change it (for various reasons such as career and my son having 2 last names already). Other things like how he understands my son comes first for me but sometimes is jealous if that. 

This last year my sister and I had a family civil war when she got engaged 8 MONTHS after dating her SO. I found out this weekend (a week after my sister’s wedding) that he had planned something seasonal this summer but with my bridzilla of a sister on a rampage (my words, not his) he didn’t want that special moment to be overshadowed.

So at this point in time I think it’s until he changes his proposal plan. Which btw it takes him forever to decide on a plan to begin with so I might be waiting until next summer (Lord knows I have no patience, so this will be an interesting year). 

Post # 11
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I guess my situation may be a taad different, as I know that by Boyfriend or Best Friend has the ring, and I”ve just been twiddling my thumbs for the past two months or so waiting for him to propose!  I know that for him the biggist thing is reclaiming some element of surprise.  We worked together to design the ring, and he was thrilled with what we came up with, but afterwards he finally came out and said that he was a bit bummed that the proposal wouldn’t be a surprise.  I was a tad taken aback by this, and a little worried, as (though I love him to death, and he tries, and it’s adorable, but) he really is terrible at surprising me. lol  Normally his hints are either super obvious or he asks a bunch of questions about something in particular he’s decided to do/get for me, or I just find it laying out somewhere.  haha 

Anyway, though I know that he has the ring (long story), he keeps telling me it won’t be here until December, and I’m playing along for all I’m worth. lol I know that it being a surprise is really important to him, so I’m almost as excited for him to get to plan it the way he wants it as I am to see what he comes up with and be proposed to!  

Post # 12
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I think finances and/or change in situation.  My SO is looking for work and I think would prefer to wait until he gets a job before proposing.  He has part of the ring (my grandmother gave me her engagement ring – was my great-great-grandmother’s), so just needs to buy a different setting to put that diamond in.

I have been okay with waiting because we are talking about a spring 2018 wedding, and since I want at least a year to plan, he has until next May to propose.  BUT he has been giving me hints that “it may happen sooner than we talked about” (though I don’t know if it means well before the deadline of May, or he had mentioned before the end of the year at one point?).  Although he’s still looking for work, he’s planning to sell some stocks and use that money for the rings (engagement and both wedding rings, since he wants to buy them all at once).  Anyway, since he has been hinting some stuff when I saw him this past weekend, I started to get a little anxious!!!

Suffice to say, trying to tell myself to calm down and stop overanalyzing.  He wants it to be a surprise, and I would love to be caught completely off-guard, but part of me is like “when is he going to do it?”  I know it’s going to happen… I just need to find a way to distract myself 🙂

Post # 13
Member
1275 posts
Bumble bee

I would say my SO is waiting because he says he has something special planned. He has promised me we would be engaged by my next birthday (March), and if he fails to come through I would be very disappointed and hurt. I’ve only been waiting a year, though (we’ve been together almost 2).

Post # 14
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

He’s not ready yet. Some of this is financial, but it’s also because he wants his family to be more comfortable with both me and my family before he commits to anything as big as engagement. When you’re in an LDR spanning 650 miles (plus with both sets of parents living in 2 other states, this can take a long time.

Also, he’s in graduate school and would like to be done with at least the Master’s portion, or so he says.

Post # 15
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Mine already asked me in June unofficially and I said yes unofficially… But he wanted to do it also “the right way” after our relocation in August and his job change in end of September. So now I wait for the official proposal. I think the main reason was that he just had a lot on his plate to plan properly although he wanted to ask so he kind of did but didnt iykwim.

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