(Closed) Waiting bees: why are you still waiting?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I recently got out of the ‘waiting’ game, and I feel I have an interesting perspective. After 8 years together he surprised me with a ring and romantic proposal. I asked a few days later what changed that he finally felt ‘ready’? He said nothing changed, he knew he was always going to marry me. He said he finally had a moment to plan it and execute what he wanted to do. He also wanted to wait until we were financially stable(ish). 

We are now getting married on our 9th anniversary! 

 

Post # 19
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

View original reply
sweetaslemons :  I think our situation is a bit different because I never put pressure on him to propose (i.e. together for 8 years and not forcing a timeline or ultimatum, we had discussed it would happen just never when). Therefore he was able to plan what he wanted on his own time. I also told him I was ok with no ring, and having a marriage discussion on a Tuesday while watching Masterchef (we love that show). 

When I asked why he felt the need to purchase a ring secretly and propose on the top of a mountain (swoon) he said after all this time he wanted it to be special. That he ‘wanted to do it right’. 

Post # 20
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Ours is a bit of a weird situation. We decided that this year we would get engaged, it was just a matter of when he would like to pop the question, knowing that of course I will say yes. We have a diamond, but havent yet had it made into a ring. And we’ve booked our wedding for next year laughing So I guess its just waiting for it to be “ring on the finger official”. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

Post # 21
Member
7 posts
Newbee

Misunderstanding of each other’s timelines. Next week we are going to look at rings and I will pick out a stand in engagement ring and show him what type of ‘real’ engagement ring I would like. We will buy the cheaper, stand in ring and I will wear that for now and he will have 6 months to save and purchase the real one. Then I’ll get the official proposal 😌

Post # 23
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m still waiting because it’s 100% about money. SO got really screwed over by a “great” new job opportunity that ended up being a real let down. Before he took the new job he was doing fine and we were looking at rings. Engagement has been off the table for about 6 months now, but he just got a really good new job, so I am patiently waiting again.

Post # 24
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

We just finished a long and ardous house remodel and life is only just settling down. I’ve just moved in and my condo is not yet on the market and not even fully empty of my belongings yet. Still so much to do….I think he’s just waiting for things to get back to normal.

Post # 25
Member
31 posts
Newbee

My SO is not very pro active. We have been together almost 6 years and own a home. We have the diamond! He now just has the job of talking to a local jeweller regarding a custom setting we have designed. It’s probably less than 2 hours worth of work, but he is very lazy. I keep opening his sock drawer to put socks away and the little velvet bag with my beautiful diamond in is just sat there looking neglected. It’s been there for weeks now! Going on 2 months actually. Part of me is frustrated but another part of me is relieved that I have that as an indicator. When the diamond disappears it means things are progressing!

We go away in November to celebrate my 27th Birthday and the end of my post grad diploma that I have worked so hard on for the last 2 years alongside working full time and renovating…! I think that’s too predictable for him though. I know he wants it to be a surprise. We also go away to Belgium in January for a week, so maaaaybe?

Post # 26
Member
718 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

In a word, MONEY. We both knew that we wanted to spend our lives together after date #1, and I honestly went ring shopping with a friend I think 12 days after our first date so I could tell her what I liked for when the time came (key word when, not if! haha), but then I ended up just telling him instead! I know, we are nuts.

He has known since our first month of dating the ring that I love. We moved in together after 7 months. The only thing truly stopping us from getting engaged is money, but I like that in a way because it means we will end up getting engaged when he can afford the ring/when we can afford a wedding, so that probably means getting engaged somewhere around the 1.5 year mark (my guess is maybe March 2017, but we shall see hehe) with the hope of getting married in Fall 2017, which is a bit more socially acceptable than say 2 hours into the first date. Not that I care about that very much, but I do want family and friends to take it seriously!

I secretly hope it happens even sooner but we shall see! Ah the joys of waiting 😛

Post # 27
Member
28 posts
Newbee

It’s more important to us to buy a home together first which is of course very costly. He told me he says he will feel ready for both marriage and kids once we are financially ready, I see that being maybe a couple of years after we buy our home next year. We also planning on going on a couple of expensive long haul holidays so that may delay us being ‘financially ready’.

I also think the fact his siblings have been in longer relationships than us and still aren’t married is causing him some hesitancy but he hasn’t mentioned that to me.

I have faith it will happen eventually but I would be shocked if he proposes within next couple years.

Post # 28
Member
653 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

A lot of other big things going on in our lives, and we haven’t made time to discuss details again (last chatted in May, when he was excited about the two of us going e-ring shopping – it hasn’t come up again).  That’s definitely on me too but I guess we’re both comfortable for now and are devoting so much energy into other things in our lives.  As soon as we’re engaged our families will want to be more involved and neither of us is ready to deal with them just yet…

Post # 29
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Tizer Gardens/Carroll College

I think we have a few factors… I’ve been looking at rings with/without him for the last year or so… he keeps telling me to make up my mind. I keep saying I don’t have to until he buys one. I have an appointment with Brilliant Earth when i’m in San Francisco a few weeks from now, and I have a few rings picked out at a local jeweler. We’ve settled on one ring a few times, but as far as I know, he still hasn’t bought one. He says after I get home from SanFran that he will make that decision. He says it’s my ring, so I should be happy with it, but he doesn’t exactly like my choices either :/ dudes.

Second, we are in the middle of remodeling a bedroom in my home – we are doing it ourselves, and between financing that, an engagement, a trip to hawaii and other travels, we are just not flush right now. I actually think the engagement ring might be the least expensive portion of all the stuff we have on our plate.

Third, he wants to live together a while before we get engaged. I literally don’t care. I’d rather not wait any longer than possible. I’m cool having a longer engagement, but I’d also get married in a white castle tomorrow #himym. Someone said earlier on the thread that her FTB seems to think that engagement means imminent wedding, and my guy is the same way.

Fourth (my reason) I  put the kibbash on him proposing between Thanksgiving and Christmas, just because I personally do not find that a great time of year – it’s very depressing, and cold, annnnnd seasonal depression is a real thing. Add into that my family is always fighting around the holidays, and it’s just not worth it.

Our 4 year anniversary is less than a month away… it would be nice if his clock would start ticking a little quicker.

Post # 30
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969 - City, State

We had to work on “us”, and take a couple of months to settle into our new home. He is currently looking at rings! Squueeeeeeeee! 

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