(Closed) Waiting Bees! Why do you not propose yourself?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

I thought about proposing to my guy, but he would’ve said no, because he really, really wants to be the one to propose. I wouldn’t want to take that away from him. 

So, even though I feel impatient sometimes, I know he’s putting tons of thought and energy into the ring and the proposal, so I’m happy to wait.

Post # 4
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

HappyCatLady :  haha sometimes! But when it comes down to it, he’s taken his time with every big decision he’s ever made, and he’s created a beautiful life for us. If he usually jumped in without looking, and this was the only decision he’s taken his time on, I’d be concerned or frustrated, but since this is just who he is, I’m confident in where things are going!

Also, we’re designing the ring in the next few months, so it’s not too long now πŸ™‚

Post # 6
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

HappyCatLady :  I’ve wondered this too! Or why they don’t just tell him they like the idea of being married to him and at least ask what he’s thinking or if it’s something he would want too. 

(But maybe that would be an unofficial proposal from them. And I do get the norm is still the “old fashioned” way of him asking and that can seem more romantic to many women.)

Post # 7
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee

We just ordered my ting so now I’m waiting for the official proposal but I joked and said if he took too long I would propose to him. Then he said he would say no lol

Post # 9
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

deedee2016 :  Totally! My guy and I have discussed it extensively, and have a timeline. He just wants to be the one to propose. I’m a huge fan of talking it over and comparing timelines – it takes a lot of the anxiety and wondering out of it, without taking away the surprise.

We’re designing the ring together, but I won’t see the final product until my guy proposes, which will be a total surprise because he’ll pick the day and time and way he wants to do it. 

But, we know we’re getting married in 2019, so we’re all but officially engaged (but my guy is very adamant that we’re not engaged until he proposes, and I can accept that).

Post # 10
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

HappyCatLady :  I think most guys also want to be the one who proposes, not just women wanting their guy to propose. I know if I proposed to my SO he would say no because it’s important to him to be the one to do it – we’ve agreed not to ring shop together as well because it’s important for him to pick it out on his own.

I donno, i think these days most people have conversations, go ring shopping, the proposing is more of the formality of it. I think most waiting bees have made their opinions known! I know I have lol.

Post # 12
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I really thought about proposing to my Fiance on April 1st last year. I was having a bad time with waiting even though we had purchased my stone. I decided not to go that route because I knew how much he wanted to be the one to propose. Circumstances with my ring delayed the process (I was the one holding the process up but I didn’t know that at the time). We purchased my stone at the end of January so I kind of felt like he bought himself some time even though April was kind of our deadline. When he finally did propose in September, I couldn’t begin to imagine it being more beautiful and us. It was perfect and completely worth the wait. I’m so glad that I didn’t try to take it into my own hands and propose because it would have totally ruined his moment and I wouldn’t have wanted that.  

Post # 13
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

hintsofjoy :  you sound like a Saint! I wish I could have had a fraction of your patience and understanding when I was waiting! Congratulations soon Bee! It sounds like you both are off to a beautiful start! ❀️

Post # 14
Member
3224 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

HappyCatLady : I guess I don’t understand why it upsets you so much when it isn’t your relationship. Men proposing to women is a tradition – that certainly doesn’t mean it can’t be broken, but like many women grow up thinking about their wedding day, many men do think about proposing to “the one.” If both parties are okay with that, why does it bother you that the woman in a relationship is happy to let her man have that moment?

Post # 15
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

HappyCatLady :  I feel the same way. If my OH had said no because he wanted to propose himself then he wouldn’t be my Oh anymore.

As it was, there was no real proposal. I don’t really believe in that kind of thing anyway. The decision to get married in my book should be a conversation rather than a big thing. Or just a quiet thing, like saying I love you. 

I hate surprises, so maybe that colours my views. 

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