(Closed) Waiting Bees! Why do you not propose yourself?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
7138 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

My Darling Husband is super traditional, and I guess to that aspect I am too. He would have been mortified if I had proposed to him.

Post # 17
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2017

HappyCatLady :  I share your views.  For me, there was no question that the decision to get married would be a completely mutual one.  No asking my parents, no down-on-one knee proposal.  I set the course of my own life.  Once we made the decision to get married, a formal proposal felt phony and contrived.

I recognize that my views are not common and I completely respect those who are wishing for a traditional proposal.  All my friends are in that boat.  It’s just not for me!

Post # 20
Member
3228 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

HappyCatLady :  “It should be as obvious to women and men that once you are ready you ask.”

Another thing – women are typically “ready” or wanting to take that next step first. So in those cases I think it’s smart to wait until the man is ready as well. 

You didn’t offend me, I definitely think that either the man or woman proposing should be “acceptable” in our society, depending on what works for that relationship. And I absolutely believe that it should be talked about before the proposal happens or is thought of so that both parties areon the same page about next steps, etc.

Post # 23
Member
7138 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

HappyCatLady :  Because he’s a really traditional guy, and I think part of that is this thought that he’d propose to his future wife. If I had proposed to him he would have been very embarrassed that I’d beat him to the punch so to speak. Then again, the proposal was a total surprise – because we both don’t really understand this whole “planned proposal” concept that some people do…like when people go on a vacation and know it’s going to happen…or know when he has the ring. I had NO clue, despite having been together a LONG time.

Post # 24
Member
33 posts
Newbee

My SO just turned 51 on Fri and I’ll be 48 on Wed, so we’re both VERY traditional. Plus, I’ve always dreamed of RECEIVING a proposal and all that it entails; the loving words and so on, and since my guy is very creative AND a songwriter/musician, I KNOW he’ll do it in an incredibly romantic manner. NO WAY am I taking that away from either of us.

Add to that that [I’m pretty sure] he’d say no, as he’s “not ready” yet – I wouldn’t be waiting if he was ready – and I think it’s clear that I’d rather wait another year or longer than do the deed, myself.

Post # 25
Member
30 posts
Newbee

It’s a pride thing for my SO. He says he wants to get me a ring that he’d be proud to put on my finger (I have expressed that I don’t need a ring at all but he’s very traditional) We have a 16m old together and our 4yr anniversary is in 2 weeks. He’s 35 I’m 29. We’ve had many discussions about getting married but he wants to be the one to propose and I’m inclined to let him. This might sound weird but I think that if I am going to take his last name that he should propose, to me it’s like offering his last name/an official place in his family. If I were to propose it would feel like I were begging for his last name, and I’m not ready to do that.

*just to clarify, I want to have his last name as it is my daughters last name. I’m not against keeping maiden names or taking the brides last name, etc. I just want the same last name as my child and don’t like the idea of having to beg for it. 

Post # 26
Member
688 posts
Busy bee

I don’t because it’s one thing I really want from him, and I know him being traditional in that regard also wants to be the one to do it. I also know that since he plans to do it, there are reasons why he hasn’t yet, so I don’t want to try to force him when he’s not ready. Not to mention, he’s literally never asked a girl out! Me and his prior 2 girlfriends all initiated the relationships. This is his last chance to ask a girl something wink lol. 

Post # 28
Member
2164 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

We are both in our early 40’s and neither of us is traditional, but I’d like him to take the lead on proposing. I’m sure he would say yes if I proposed, but I prefer it this way and he is fine with that. Some of it is my baggage from my first marriage. I didn’t quite propose to him, but took the lead in deciding when we would get married and the wedding arrangments (with full assent and support on his part at the time). Later, after 10 years of marriage, he claimed he was never the type of person who wanted to get married in the first place. I realize that he was re-writing history and would probably have said that even if he had planned the entire wedding himself. However, in my relationship now, I’d like my Boyfriend or Best Friend to make that gesture.

Post # 29
Member
39 posts
Newbee

I debated this but I think we would be pretty upset. As he’s pretty traditional and would want to be the one to propose

Post # 30
Member
1009 posts
Bumble bee

HappyCatLady :  I would definitely have a hard time with not knowing approximately when my Boyfriend or Best Friend will propose! We have an agreed-upon date range (April – September 2017), so it’s not so much him being in control of the date in that way. If we didn’t have the range, I’d probably be freaking out, because a lot of my anxiety before was about him taking forever for everything (he’s gotten better about telling me what his plans are). 

The topic ‘Waiting Bees! Why do you not propose yourself?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors