We’ve discussed when we will be ready to get married, which isn’t right now, and we’re both on the same page. We both don’t want to be engaged without actively planning a wedding. It’s just personal preference, I know some people like long engagements and having time to enjoy being engaged, but we’re not those people.
So right now is not a good time for us to plan a wedding. We’d be paying for it ourselves, for one thing. My SO’s father passed away in January and his mother is just now able to go through the probate process and start selling all of her late husband’s expensive “toys” as he calls them in order to pay for her expenses. My SO has lent her a lot of money since January and is still paying some of her bills, so he’s not going to have a lot of money for a wedding until she’s able to pay her bills on her own and pay him back. He does get paid pretty well and is able to save money still, but he’s not going to spend every bit he saves on a wedding and I wouldn’t ask him to.
Also, at the moment I don’t have the funds to contribute to the wedding, something I want to be able to do. I have a couple bills that should be paid off by early next year that will free up a lot of my cash.
We also have some other things going on that we want to get out of the way before we get engaged and start actively planning a wedding. There’s just so much going on that planning for a wedding isn’t something we can see ourselves doing right now.
So we have made a general timeline of getting engaged sometime in 2017. We want to get married in 2018 and then start trying for kids around a year after we get married. So we figured out a timeline for the two of us that works.
With all that being said, if we really wanted to get married right away and the only thing stopping us was money, we’d just go to the courthouse. But we do want a wedding that we can invite our family and friends to, and we don’t have a pressing desire/need to get married right away. We’re already living together, we know where our relationship is going and we’re secure in that, we’re not planning on having kids for a few years, and we’ve only been dating for a little over a year.
Now, one may ask why I’m on a wedding website if I don’t want to get engaged right away. Well, I love weddings and I love pretend-planning. You know, all the fun parts of planning without the stress or time consumption that comes with actual wedding planning. Plus this community is great!
So anyway, that’s my viewpoint. We have reasons to not get engaged right away and that’s why I’m not proposing to my SO.
Would I propose to my SO when the time comes? Perhaps. To be honest, I’m the one who would want the proposal and he’d be good with just a, “Hey, let’s be engaged now, okay?” I would love a romantic gesture because that’s the type of person I am. My SO isn’t so into the romance though. I accept that about him though, so while a romantic gesture/proposal would be NICE, if I knew he was stressing it about it, I’d just say, “Why don’t we just go shopping for a ring and have a special date to celebrate our engagement?” That way, he doesn’t have to stress about being romantic when it’s not something that comes naturally, and we still have a special date night to celebrate.