(Closed) Waiting bitterness – does it ever really go away?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
2912 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I’m all for having the wedding that you want, but if you can’t afford it you’re going to have to be okay with putting it off. 

Post # 3
5168 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

You really need to just let go of the resentment.  At the end of the day you and your fiance decided to put off the wedding for 6 years, no one made you and it wasn’t the only option. It was a choice you both made and you just need to own that. 

 i ALSO want a fairly expensive wedding, I ALSO have to lose weight because of my dress (who wants to be a fat bride??) and we do need ato sort out all the other stuff So waiting is logical. but its very hard.

Honestly if the waiting is hard then just get married. If you have been putting off the wedding in part due to financial reasons for 6 YEARS then your expectations obviously don’t align with the reality of the wedding you can actually afford.  You aren’t helping yourself with this by holding onto resentment for things you are choosing, your income, cross country moves or your weight aren’t actually stopping you from getting married, you are. 

Post # 4
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

But, you aren’t waiting. You keep putting off the wedding because you want to have a reception that you CLEARLY can’t afford. I can’t fathom prioritizing having the reception I want over being married for SIX YEARS. 

Post # 5
3723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Yeah if you’re resentful of having to put off a wedding, then you need to re-examine priorities. There is no way I would put off a wedding for 6 years just because everything isn’t exactly like I would like. It seems as though you keep coming up with obstacles to get in your way. Wedding won’t be fancy enough..won’t be the weight you want..when does it stop? At what point will you say, “Yes, everything in my life is perfect. Now is the time.” I doubt you will ever feel like that because life is full of ups and downs. Maybe setting a date will encourage you to lead a healthier lifestyle. 

Post # 6
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

When I saw that you’d posted in ‘Waiting’ and read the title of your thread, I thought this was going to be another getting-strung-along-by-commitmentphobe-bf story.  But you’re not “waiting” are you?  You’re engaged and choosing to put off the wedding for any number of good reasons.

So, the way I see it you have a simple choice to make – is it more important to be married, or to have a wedding?  Whichever you decide, you just need to own it and choose to be ok with the consequences. 

Post # 7
10651 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
Shinytoy :  

Dear OP l just can’t understand what you are emotional and/or bitter about l really can’t. Nobody is stopping you getting married but you yourself. It’s as if you maybe don’t really want to, and you cast life events as insurmountable obstacles, plus making the actual ceremonial so expensive and elaborate that it is effectively out of your reach. 

I agree with pp’s you aren’t waiting, but frankly l don’t know what you are doing….

Post # 8
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I really don’t understand. Who/what are you resentful towards? You’re essentially waiting because you keep putting off the wedding for numerous reasons. Either get married or continue to CHOOSE to wait.

Post # 9
116 posts
Blushing bee

I was engaged once before, and I asked around for wedding planning advice. The best advice I got was, “The wedding is one day, the marriage is forever.” We can all get super focused on having the most perfect wedding day, but it’s about the marriage here and it feels like maybe that’s lost in your story. You’re not really waiting on anyone but yourself. If you want to be married but cannot settle for anything less for your reception, why don’t you guys do a courthouse style elopement thing. Keep it small and simple, and then when you have the money, do your big party to celebrate with family/friends?

Post # 10
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I really can’t relate so I wont tell you what I think you should do.  I will tell  you what I would do in your situation.  I would go ahead and have a small intimate wedding to get it over it – it can still be very beautiful but at least the legal and offical part of your union can finally happen. Then I would save for a big anniversary party where everyone can come and celebrate because at this rate it’s not going to happen any time soon.

Post # 11
29 posts
  • Wedding: November 2020 - Mobile, AL

I think the bitterness will go away once youre married, but I have to ask: are you more excited about a wedding or a marriage? 

A big wedding and party sounds awesome, especially if that is what you and your guy want and if you can afford it.

Post # 13
528 posts
Busy bee

So what’s going to happen if your perfect day gets rained out, someone’s cousins have a drunken fight in the parking lot, and another guest gets carted off to the hospital with anaphylactic shock?  Are you going to spend the rest of your life seething in resentment at being deprived of your one perfect day?

Scale back your expectations and get married already.

Post # 14
590 posts
Busy bee

I have to warn you against putting so much pressure and expectation on this one day. It will only lead to disappointment. Things will go wrong, people won’t be able to make it, someone will be unhappy with their dinner choices, etc. 

Whenever you do decide to get married, however you decide to do it, please expect that the day will be lovely, great, memorable but not in any way “perfect.” 

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