Post # 1
I don’t understand this.
I’ve seen posts where the girl is waiting to be engaged, but her and SO have already picked out a date and whatnot. I’m not being rude, I just genuinely don’t understand. Wouldn’t that mean you were already technically engaged if you’re planning a wedding? Are you just waiting for a ring (and actually ARE engaged, and just waiting for a ring), or are you waiting for an actual proposal whilst planning the wedding?
I am no longer waiting, but I’ve seen this in the Not Wedding Related boards and have been curious. I, personally, wouldn’t discuss anything wedding-related or any kind of date until I had a proposal (the ring didn’t matter as much, even though I got that too). The proposal is to me what kicks off the wedding planning. I might be wrong. Hmm.
Post # 3
I think the waiting boards are split into two groups:
1.) Women that are hopin/not sure if their man is on board with getting married and waiting for a ring
2.) Women that have already talked extensively with their SO about marriage and already know that the ring is coming without a doubt and their SO is just as excited about getting married as they are.
I think when you see the posts about the women that have already picked a date with their SO, you’re seeing a post from a woman that lies in the second group. Generally, the ring is in the process of being made (or he already has it), the couple has talked about it already, and they have came to this conclusion together. Sometimes the woman has done this on her own, but when both parties are on the same page, it is not uncommon to talk about planning shortly before the proposal.
Every couple is different. For some women where they don’t know their SO’s stance on marriage and they have picked a date, it can come off as strange for them to have picked a date, but for others who have discussed it with their SO and they decided together, I don’t think it’s strange at all.
Post # 4
I’m a waiting bee, been with my SO for almost 9 years. He is working on getting the ring, I’d say he’ll propose before December, that’s how many hints I’ve been getting. We’ve talked that we both want a Fall wedding and have agreed that next Fall would be a great time to get married. Plus he told his insurance guy he will be married before his 25th birthday (November 2013).
So, we’re not engaged, haven’t planned anything else, but know the timeframe of when we want to get married next Sept-Nov.
Post # 5
@Torrid: I feel like I am somewhere in between. SO asked my Dad for my hand, but over a year later hasn’t asked me… so now I am just confused
Post # 6
We had a month in mind before we got engaged. It takes a while to save up for, pick out a ring, plan a proposal, etc. We knew we wanted to get married and when we wanted to get married before then-BF had enough money for the ring and to have it made. I don’t see anything wrong or weird with knowing when you’ll get married but not being engaged yet. It’s like knowing where you’re going to college when you’re still a senior in high school; you know it’s coming, you just haven’t graduated yet or been assigned a dorm room.
Post # 7
@StefLovesJamie: UGH. I agree.
I don’t get it. I understand some people and their SO have talked extensively about marriage/ maybe even what type of wedding they want/ what season they would like to have the wedding in…
Personally, I think that picking a date, or any type of planning before the ring is LITERALLY on your finger, and he has asked you is hugely inappropriate, and quite frankly weird.
If you’re ready to make those plans/ details you should actually be engaged.
I feel too many people rush the engagement process by doing that. I’m not saying be engaged for years (if you don’t want to), but unless you’re ACTUALLY, CURRENTLY engaged… you should not be making any wedding plans…. Or talking about your “wedding plans” like you are engaged. If you do it all before, your engagement wont be special… Like if you’ve planned all this stuff before you’re engaged, why even get engaged.. why not just get married on your set date?
But thats just MY opinion….
Post # 8
@Torrid: Definitely agree. I’m in the second camp, and while we haven’t decided on an exact date (even though I know my profile has one listed) we’ve discussed timing, and know within a month when we’ll be tying the knot. 🙂
Even though we know we’re getting married (and so I guess *technically* we are engaged) SO wants to choose a ring and propose… and he wants it to be somewhat of a surprise.
Also, we haven’t “come out” as engaged to most people. (I told my sisters that we’re talking about wedding stuff, but I’ve tried to keep it inside other than that… and of course here!)
Post # 9
We had a date, venue, bridal party, booked the church and paid for the cake all before I got my ring. But I already considered myself engaged before I got my ring. He was saving uo for it and surprised me with his proposal. A ring shouldn’t dictate a person’s commitment to their partner.
I guess it’s a matter of preference. I wouldn’t have picked a date if he was pn’t involved in the planning procss. We picked the date together.
Post # 10
I would never pick out a date, or a venue or do anything with a wedding unless I was 100% engaged… It really doesnt make sence…..
Post # 11
I think that romance is dead if a couple set the wedding date before he even asks the question. Also how the heck does the guy pop the question after the weddinga arrangement is in place? Sure talk about getting married ok but I would not want to set our wedding date knowing that he hasn’t asked me yet. I really don’t get that at all.
I’m not in waiting as he has proposed twice, but with no ring lol but I picked out type of rings I like yesterday when we were shopping 🙂 I will have my ring by Christmasand he will likely propose again because that’s just him! I would never have set our date had he not asked me first though, never!
Post # 12
Yeah, it kind of confuses me a little, too. Don’t get me wrong, whatever works for a couple is fine. I just think that if you have a date actually set that you are already engaged. You’ve already completely decided and agreed with each other to marry and are actively acting together to make it happen. That, to me, means you are engaged.
Post # 13
I don’t mind the way anyone does things, because I know everyone is different.
But I would not plan anything, or even discuss a date, until I was absolutely engaged. If I went ahead with the planning, it could make the guy feel like he has a little slack and can wait a bit to propose…since there’s no real rush, since the wedding is already being planned. If that makes sense?
@sa.to.sb.soon: That makes total sense. I think that’s totally fine! LOL.
The first group are the ones I’m talking about, mostly. It isn’t the ones that have talked with SO in depth about the ring, wedding, etc. and are basically just waiting for a ring purchase and/or a proposal. Not that I’m knocking anyone either way, I just don’t understand why someone would begin something if they aren’t 100% sure a proposal is coming.
Yeah, I definitely agree that a ring doesn’t mean there is an engagement, and what you did sounds normal to me. You were engaged, (just waiting for the ring) when you were planning. Had FI proposed to me sans ring, (either so he could get what I really wanted, or to let me pick it out) I would absolutely have started planning and paying for stuff.
Post # 14
@StefLovesJamie: No, I definitely get it. It doesn’t make sense to plan a wedding if you haven’t talked to your guy about getting married in the first place. I’m diggin’ it, no worries!
Post # 15
I’m one of these!
So basically when another friend of mine got engaged, she was looking for venues for 2 years in advance and some dates had already booked up. When I mentioned this to my guy, he was like “woah.. i didn’t realise they booked up that quickly!!”. We’d always wanted to have our reception at a particular place and as it’s only available 6 months a year, he suggested we go check it out now.
We both knew our own engagement was due (we’d been together almost 4 years) but he just needed more time to save up for a ring first. We’d also dicussed the likelyhood of what year we’d get married, which was 18 months from when we looked at the venue.
We both fell in love with it, and decided right then to put the deposit down for September 2013 and be done with it.
After that it was strange knowing we had a date, but I still had/have no idea when he’ll propose officially. He’s getting the ring made and that’s all I know! The only thing I do know is that he won’t keep me waiting longer than a year out so I have enough time to do most of the planning.
I’ve looked into a few things and drawn up a budget spreadsheet. I’ve even started saving, too.
But I don’t have a ring, and our parents don’t know – that was his request. That if we booked the venue I couldn’t tell anyone, because he wanted to do everything else ‘properly’ – ask my dad, get the ring, propose, tell everyone.
The only real thing I haven’t done is look at dresses – I couldn’t do that to my mum. I want her there crying her eyes out when she sees me in one for the first time!
Post # 16
@lookingglass: 🙂 Your situation is also normal to me, since your SO and yourself have discussed the proposal/ring/etc and other situations with the venue required an extended period of time to prepare for.
I think it’s mostly the girls who haven’t talked about marriage with their SO much, and know that he probably hasn’t begun looking at rings..but they’re already trying on dresses, looking at venues, picking colors, etc. That is just so weird to me.