(Closed) Waiting but have already picked out a wedding date?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 33
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

@StefLovesJamie:  The reason I do not consider myself “engaged” is because my SO has not proposed yet. We have talked about getting married and set a date but we are not telling people until he proposes (which won’t be until after he purchases the ring). I could care less about something as materialistic as a ring but it is important to my SO to have what he considers a “proper” proposal before we tell people we are engaged and he wants me to be surprised. He told me to start planning because he knows me well enough to realize I need to not get things started at the last minute.

If he proposed without a ring I would consider myself to be “engaged” but I do see your point. It’s sort of a gray area I guess. But that’s life!

Post # 34
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Ms.Meghann:  I don’t consider what I’m doing inappropriate. We’ve already set a date, I’m planning the wedding, come out as engaged to friends and family and everything, I’m just waiting for the ring. We’re for sure getting married, he just needs to save up the money to purchase the ring, which should be in September. We’ve been together since June 2008, and were supposed to get married in June 2010, but the economy was crappy and he couldn’t find a job. I of course didn’t plan anything back then because we would’ve liked to get married in 2010, but it wasn’t set in stone–May 2013 is. I just fail to see how planning a wedding is considered inappropriate if you have everything set, the fiance completely agrees and stands by the wedding date, but you just don’t have the engagement ring this moment. 

Post # 35
Member
3389 posts
Sugar bee

I guess it’s only weird if a woman starts to plan a wedding if the man doesn’t know he’s “engaged”! LOL

Post # 36
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee

Here’s the thing, I can pick a date to do anything and no one thinks twice. I can say, I’m going on vacation to Hawaii on June 28th, 2013. Have I purchased my flight yet? No. have I requested time off? Nope. Have I set aside money to pay for the trip? No. But no one would say, “I don’t understand why people pick a date to go on vacation when they haven’t done xyz yet. That’s inappropriate and weird.”

There’s a difference between picking a date and planning the wedding. Picking a date doesn’t mean you’re planning a wedding. You’re just saying, “We’d like to get married on this date.” There’s nothing binding in that statement.

That said, the mister and I are not engaged yet, though we have settled on a date; and while we pretty much know what we want in our wedding, I wouldn’t say it’s planned since nothing is booked and we haven’t done anything besides saying, I like this. I don’t like that. How about we get married here? Granted, that may be a technicality but it is what it is. Date picked, no set plans. What’s the problem with that?

Of course, I also fall into the second group. We’ve been together for over 7 years and know this is it for us. We talk extensively about getting engaged and our marriage. The only thing we’re waiting for is a steady job for him. And to close this 2,000 mile gap. Details.

Every person’s waiting experience is different. Some people prefer to wait until the ring is on their finger before they start, others are fine getting ideas together and that’s it, while others are perfectly okay with booking certain things. There isn’t one correct way of planning a wedding and it’s something we all need to remember. One size does not fit all. 

And honestly, I’ve helped a lot of my friends plan their weddings and I failed to see the magical specialness some people associate with engagements. They were stressed, overwhelmed, worried, and couldn’t wait until it was all over. Planning a wedding is not a magical thing. There’s a lot of moving parts and harsh realities that we never would have imagined that happen. And we’re in such a rush to save money, craft projects, and get things done before the wedding that we don’t stop to actually enjoy being engaged (which has been something many of the blogging bess have mentioned many times before)! Who wants to suffer through that?!

So maybe by doing research now to figure out what we want and what we can afford, I can actually enjoy my engagement when I am engaged because there’s less to worry about! Plan a little now, enjoy more of my engagement later? Sign me up for that!

Post # 37
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@tea:  I’ll take elopement and less stress any day! I’m trying, anyway!

Post # 38
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’m surprised how catty some bees sound on this post. Am I engaged? No.  Do I have a date? I’m hoping for May 25, 2014 because it is our anniversary and it falls on a weekend that year. I absolutely do not consider myself weird. If anything I consider myself to be prepared.  I’ve helped a number of friends plan their weddings. I had one friend who waited to plan her wedding, by the time we were calling venues, she had to get married on Friday the 13th if she wanted to get married in the summer. I would prefer to get married during warmer months and the reality is that some wedding venues (usually the most desirable ones) get booked up to 2 years in advance and if you don’t want to settle you need to be prepared. My SO have started looking at venues together and we are ring shopping. Additionally, my sister is currently engaged and I want to make sure there is enough time between our weddings so that our family (most of whom live out of state) can possibly afford to come to both weddings instead of feeling torn by picking one over the other.  For many couples, timing is important for school/ career reasons.  I am finishing school and my new job may take me out of state.  There are so many reasons why couples may have a date in mind, most of which I do not consider inappropriate.  A failure to plan is a plan to fail, but that’s just my opinion.

Post # 39
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m not engaged and SO and I have discussed a date – we haven’t booked anything but we have a two or three month window when we would like to get married. We’re working with a visa situation so we have to have a good plan – there’s tons of paperwork involved!

I don’t think there’s anything weird about it. If I was out dress shopping or something that’s one thing, but I’m not. We’re planning on sharing a life together and I don’t think it’s odd that we’ve discussed when we’d like certain things in our life to happen. We’ve also decided on when we’re going to start TTC – maybe that’s a no no before engagement too?

He’d like to buy me a ring and surprise me with a proposal, and I’m happy to let him do that. More than happy actually, I think it will be very romantic to begin planning in earnest and share the news with everyone! But I’m also not willing to avoid discussing our marriage openly and frequently before we do it – its a huge decision that both of us are part of!

 

Post # 40
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This situation actually happened this weekend to me.

I don’t know what to say other than it happened, we know we want to get married, so talking about a wedding has kind of cropped up now and then. Espeically since this past weekend. I even told SO the week before that I didn’t want to talk about anything wedding related until it was cemented that we would even having one. I guess we can’t help ourselves?

It is frustrating honestly. I hate talking about wedding stuff without a proposal but I’m not the only one bringing it up. Maybe I should pressure him more into the proposal. I do know one thing though, SO won’t propose without asking my parents for permission. And my parents have been out of town extensively this summer. He really hasn’t had much of a chance. He is the type he is going to want to cook them dinner and ask them without me being around. When they return home in a few weeks, I really do hope it sets this up so we can move forward.

Post # 41
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee

@Torrid: less stress is always a winner!

Post # 42
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

I actually have a friend who is SINGLE and planning her wedding. No boyfriend in sight or anything. I haven’t told her about the Waiting Board because I’m afraid she’ll join up and subsequently become even more depressed than she already is.

 

 

Post # 43
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

its one thing to have ideas, or inspirations ect. Its another to plan

Post # 44
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

@StefLovesJamie:  

 

As a backwards bee myself, I can hopefully lend you some explination…

 

My Fiance and I have been together for 5 years. We moved in after knowing eachother for 3 weeks, and I can honestly say that a minute into our first date I knew we would be married. My Fiance felt the exact same way from the beginning, and our talks of marriage started very, verrrrrrry early into our relationship. Unfortunately for us, we did not have age or money on our side and a wedding was kind of put on the back burner. Within the last 6 months, our financial situation changed, and we were able to start legitimately planning a wedding. We knew when we wanted to get married, and made the decision to book our date and location. We didn’t consider ourselves engaged until he actually proposed, because he didn’t want to take that away from me. Our plans were kept secret until we could have that moment to officially announce that we are engaged and have all the excitment that surrounds that. It’s also nice to have answers right away for those asking for details, and to give family  and friends notice since we are having a destination wedding.

Post # 45
Member
2451 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@StefLovesJamie:  I agree – to me, if you have a date and venue, you are technically engaged.

Post # 46
Member
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Torrid:  I am in category 2 here.  We already have our date set, and I am starting to put ideas together for our wedding.  The only reason I don’t call us engaged is because he hasn’t formally proposed yet, though I have a STRONG feeling that is going to happen within the week while we are on vacation!  We both know we are getting married, I just don’t have the ring on my finger yet.

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