(Closed) Waiting but need advice

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I can totally relate and I promise you aren’t alone! 🙂 I was also the one pushing for marriage and I get your desparation 100%. It’s hard becaue it consumes your thoughts to a point where you can’t even enjoy the relationship you’re in currently because you feel like it’s not enough. Resentment kicks in since you have no control over the situation and still aren’t engaged.

I can’t really give any good advice on how to stop badgering your SO, maybe venting on this site will help? Maybe promise yourself you won’t bug him until X date? But either way, be happy that you’ve found the love of your life and will eventually be married. I can tell you stories of my desparately single friends who would kill to be in your situation if that helps!

Post # 4
174 posts
Blushing bee

You are in the right place!  My solution to this is to take it in small steps.  Tell yourself, “Ok, I won’t bring up the subject until Valentines Day”.  And then maybe have one conversation about it the day after V-Day.  And then set another small step…”I won’t bring it up until April Fools Day”.   and so on.

I’m sure there will be a Valentines Day Challenge on this subject before long, so watch out for that.  (Most ladies on here are still “recovering” from the Xmas Challenge on the same subject, so a VDay Challenge should probably creep up soon.)

Post # 5
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

I have been waiting for many yrs and just joined this site because we finally made some progress enough that I can talk slightly more concretely about getting engaged.  I handle the anticipation by not bringing it up directly as much as possible but instead if we drive by a cute house, for example, I would say something like “omg it would be so fun if we lived together in that house!  It’s so cute!” knowing that neither of us want to live together until we’re married.  It’s basically along the idea of instead of pressuring, you show how fun it would be to be married so that it seems like a great idea.  I don’t do it all the time, mostly when I see a cute puppy or a house that I love.  We did have to have a discussion about him thinking I was sneakily talking about marriage without knowing it, but now that he knows I know (does that make sense?!) what I’m doing when I say that stuff, he secretly loves it and provokes me sometimes by pointing out puppies and cute houses.

Post # 6
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If you promised not to say anything then don’t that will make it worse.  I really think we all go into obsessive mode or something about these things.  I know I am/have been!  Hang in there and trust him.  Just try and be yourself!  It will come.

Post # 8
2309 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Is he ok with the wedding date? If he’s onboard I would just leave it like that and focus on something else, the ring’s coming. If not I would have one more discussion just to make sure you both are on the same page.

Post # 9
26 posts
  • Wedding: July 2011

Don’t know if this helps at all, but my (now) Fiance and I would get into the worst arguments over “getting married”. It also didn’t help that seemingly everyone around me was getting engaged, which only made matters worse (especially when my cousin who’d been dating his (now) wife for a year and a half less, then me and my Fiance, announced their engagement!). I got the excuse “I have a plan, don’t worry about it, I have a plan” blah blah blah. Little did I know that he really DID have a plan! Turns out he had been planning to propose in October, but had a problem getting my ring, that he was forced to wait until January (2010). As hard as it is to do, I think you just have to trust that “he has a plan”. As far as the bugging him about, it really took my all to not bug him about it (I started to “not bug him” in December haha). Don’t necessarily keep it locked inside, but maybe only talk about it with a close friend, or on here if you absolutely need to vent.

Post # 12
15 posts
  • Wedding: October 2011

OH ladies, i have been waiting almost 7 years and i have just about had it let me tell you he told me at the beginning of November that he had a plan so i waited, said nothing and kept pushing forward. I came home after spending christmas with my widowed grandfather for him to sit on the couch next to me and say ” I planned on proposing to you on christmas if you spent Christmas with me… ” What the heck does one say to that… I’m sorry i went to my grandpas house who is widowed and all alone… So i continued waiting… everyone of our friends said. Dont worry he will propose to you on New Years at midnight. Midnight came and went so i asked him a few minutes after,… Ya have something for me ? To which he replied  “No that is so played out.” Alrighty then… so here i am on January 3rd ready to scream… What now ??????

Post # 14
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

@nnoto:  Your man sounds like an @#$hole.  He’s been with you 7 years and hasn’t proposed, then said something highly manipulative, stupid, thoughtless, immature and controlling.  I would leave. Give yourself more respect, girl! 

@Anxiouspeanut:  Try to slow down a little.  I’d simply tell him that you love him and are looking forward to living together.  Mention that you’d prefer to be engaged before moving in, but not to push it too much (and not state it as an ultimatum unless that is truly how you feel) as he may prefer to try living with you before proposing (which is often a reasonable idea).  I’d give it 6 months of living together before raising the topic again.  I’m assuming you trust that marriage is something he sees in the future and isn’t anti-marriage. 

Post # 16
365 posts
Helper bee

@nnoto:   I’m sorry but your guy sounds like a jerk.  Who the hell plays with someone like that when they have been together 7 years?  That was so disprespectful and immature of him.  Why would you even want to marry someone who likes to toy with your emotions like that?  You can do so much better!!

@Anxiouspeanut: stick with your guns about not being engaged before you move in.  I am a bit bias as I also believe that way – don’t compromise on your values.

 But take it easy and just enjoy being with him.  Use Wedding Bee as a place to vent.  Don’t put the pressure on him.  Before you know it you’ll be on the wedding boards talking wedding stuff and thinking that it wasn’t a really long wait at all.  Have you read Mr Bees three step plan?? http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/mr-bees-three-step-plan-and-backup-plan-for-getting-engaged

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