Post # 1
Brief backstory, Fiance and I met and started dating in March 2006. I was 18 and he was 24. He proposed in December 2006, when he was 25 and about a week before my 19th birthday (my date in my profile is our engaement date).
We set a tentative date for September 2009, but with about a year to go we realised we weren’t ready yet, we were still loving with my parents and we didn’t feel comfortable going ahead. So we pushed it back a year.
In 2009, we moved into our first place, I found out I was being made redundant, and my Mother-In-Law was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour in the space of about 6 weeks. We discussed quickly organising a wedding so Fiance could have his mum there (his dad passed before we met) but after talking with her about it, she didn’t want us to get married just because of her circumstances. She passed away 3 months later in August ’09. I lost my job in the November, and have been doing contract work ever since.
Last year my dad was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive cancer, and it looked as though we were going to lose him. Again, I tossed up the idea of a shotgun wedding, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. My dad’s been in remission since October last year. I’m so grateful.
In all honesty, it’s only been about the last 12 months that I’ve felt ready to get married. We got engaged super early, after 9 months. Fiance said at the time that he just knew I was the one.
We’ll hit our 6 year engagiversary next month, and we still don’t have a date. I’ve had job issues, Fiance has had a lot of debt which he has just gotten out of, and now we’re working towards getting ourselves stable so we can get on with our lives.
Anyone else engaged with no immediate plans for a wedding? I feel like a waiting bee without a timeline, the only difference is I have a ring!
Post # 3
Have you tried talking to your Fiance about setting a date? I would suggest starting there. It doesn’t have to be right away but at least it would get the ball rolling.
Post # 4
I was sort of in the same situation as you. My Fiance bought the ring, we talked about getting married, then my father passed from leukemia suddenly, a few weeks later his dad was diagnosed with esophogeal cancer (he is now back at home recovering). We pushed back our date from Oct 2011, to Oct 2012, to finally Apr 2013.
The thing that really helped us was looking at our budget; how much could we afford to save each month, how much did we want to spend vs how long do we want to wait, etc. After we did that, we were able to determine how much we could spend for each part of the wedding (venue, attire, catering, etc). It’s the worst, most tedious part of wedding planning, but budgeting is probably the most important. Best of luck!
Post # 5
@shadesofviolet: Usually I would say if you are engaged but have no date, you aren’t engaged… you just have a really nice promise ring BUT! In your situation where life (and possibly age) have pushed plans back I’ll make an exception.
I think that if life has settled for you two, now would be a good time to celebrate your union and make it official. Especially because you don’t want to get to the place where he feels there’s no point in marriage because you already basically are. I’d let him know you’re ready for whatever ceremony yall can afford and that you just want to move forward positively and put all that sadness aside.
Post # 6
@subtlebee: This. Lately I’ve been feeling as though it is just a promise ring. I’ve even half-joked that I should get an upgrade for waiting so long! I don’t think I could, though. I do love my simple ring so much.
@iammcdibble: We’ve been talking about it more and more. Things seem like they’re starting to settle down for us now (although yesterday I had two job knockbacks that really hurt). The goal for now is for me to get a permanent job since I’ve been doing contracts for 3 years, and to move house when our lease is up in January. After that, we should be in the position to make some concrete plans.
@housebee: I’m so sorry to hear about your dad and your Future Father-In-Law. My dad’s second bout of cancer was a viral type (I don’t remember the name, and it’s 5am here) where a group of cells the size of a grain of sand broke away from his tonsils, travelled to another part of his neck and then mutated. He hasn’t regained all of his tastebuds, and he’ll never gain all the weight he lost, but to have him at all is nothing short of miraculous. The doctors said that he shouldn’t have survived. Cancer sucks. Best wishes to your Future Father-In-Law, and if you ever want to chat, feel free to drop me a PM 🙂
On the positive side, waiting so long has drastically changed the idea of what kind of wedding I’d like. I want smaller, and smaller, to the point of culling everyone except immediate family and close friends. A friend of mine got married last year with 25 guests and I thought it was beautiful.
Post # 7
@shadesofviolet: I think the ring you have is probably lovely and you should keep it for as long as you can!
Post # 9
@shadesofviolet: 200% better than mine! *stares at empty finger* lol. It is a classic ring and I love it! Reminds me of my moms first ( they upgraded after 20 years and I try to steal the original constantly!)
Post # 10
Could you just do a small wedding, rather than building up to something so expensive? My brother told me something about having a baby, but it’s applicable here: you’ll never be sitting around with all kinds of time and money just decide one day that it’s time. If you want it, you make time for it.
If you want to get married, just do it 🙂
Post # 11
@hisprettygirl: Definitely doing a small wedding! If I could get away with culling FI’s crazy aunties and cousins, I totally would!
@subtlebee: My mum upgraded her ring pretty early on, her original is 5 tiny diamonds raised in individual prong settings into a cluster. Hard to describe, I should take a pic. Her upgraded set is a sapphire (almost black) with a diamond halo, and a sapphire and diamond eternity ring. She lost a sapphire out the eternity ring a couple of years ago and I’m talking her into letting me get a new one set for Christmas. She says it’s too expensive. I say why have a ring you can’t wear!
Post # 12
@shadesofviolet: aw! That’s very sweet of you. She raised you well.
Post # 13
I’m engaged, have been for 2 and a half years, and we have no idea when we will be getting married.
My ex H (seperated 3 and a half years) won’t get a move on with the divorce. Only reason being, he doesn’t want to tell his family we have broken up. Considering it took him nearly 7 years to tell them that we were together in the first place, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised…
Fiance and I also can’t afford the big family wedding – something I definitely don’t want, but it is FI’s first wedding, and he has a large family that expects it. We are also now back in a LDR, as he has an excellent job and would be earning less than half if he moved to where I live – we had a trial run of this back in the summer, and thankfully he took a career break so he had a job to go back to.
I’m 44, and this will be my 3rd marriage. Forcing things in relationships has always been my downfall. My 1st husband – we were both too young…2nd husband – never actually wanted to get married in the first place. Hardest thing has been learning to accept the here and now, and enjoy things as they are. Of course I want to be living with and married to my Fiance, but me relocating to where he lives is going to take money. Where I live now, I have a lovely large flat, two beautiful black kittens, and I get to see Fiance on average every two weeks.
Right now I’m concentrating on getting well, getting a job, saving some money and then relocating. If it means I’m not married until I’m 46, so be it.
Post # 14
Settling down and picking a concrete date stresses me out because that means I actually have to plan stuff and be okay with my decision to have a private wedding. Because it’s only going to be us, and a dress doesn’t take long to find/fit, we are going to have the date rock solid by our anniversary in the first week of April. We are leaning towards an August wedding, so we just have to have that confirmed by our anniversary, and we are all good.
Perhaps March is a better idea…but I don’t know, we’ll see.
Post # 15
We had no wedding date for about 5 months after the engagement. It was making ansty, like I didn’t know where/how/who to plan without a date! So I cannot imagine 12 months!
Post # 16
A friend got engaged in June of 2010. They didn’t set a date and when they did, it kept being pushed back. I think that her now husband said they they needed to get married, so finally they did this past September.
It happens and was fine for them.
Personally, I’m not cool with being engaged for years on end without setting a date. To me, being engaged means that you are actively planning your wedding….it’s not meant to be an eternal state of a relationship. If you’re not ready to tie the knot within two years, then getting engaged is a bit bizarre. At least to me. If people want to do it, then that’s their business.