(Closed) Waiting, but not: Any other bees engaged without a wedding date?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Have you tried talking to your Fiance about setting a date? I would suggest starting there. It doesn’t have to be right away but at least it would get the ball rolling.

Post # 4
Member
8461 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I was sort of in the same situation as you.  My Fiance bought the ring, we talked about getting married, then my father passed from leukemia suddenly, a few weeks later his dad was diagnosed with esophogeal cancer (he is now back at home recovering).  We pushed back our date from Oct 2011, to Oct 2012, to finally Apr 2013. 

The thing that really helped us was looking at our budget; how much could we afford to save each month, how much did we want to spend vs how long do we want to wait, etc.  After we did that, we were able to determine how much we could spend for each part of the wedding (venue, attire, catering, etc).  It’s the worst, most tedious part of wedding planning, but budgeting is probably the most important.  Best of luck!

Post # 5
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@shadesofviolet:  Usually I would say if you are engaged but have no date, you aren’t engaged… you just have a really nice promise ring BUT! In your situation where life (and possibly age) have pushed plans back I’ll make an exception.

I think that if life has settled for you two, now would be a good time to celebrate your union and make it official. Especially because you don’t want to get to the place where he feels there’s no point in marriage because you already basically are. I’d let him know you’re ready for whatever ceremony yall can afford and that you just want to move forward positively and put all that sadness aside.

Post # 7
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@shadesofviolet:  I think the ring you have is probably lovely and you should keep it for as long as you can!

Post # 9
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@shadesofviolet:  200% better than mine! *stares at empty finger* lol. It is a classic ring and I love it! Reminds me of my moms first ( they upgraded after 20 years and I try to steal the original constantly!)

Post # 10
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Could you just do a small wedding, rather than building up to something so expensive? My brother told me something about having a baby, but it’s applicable here: you’ll never be sitting around with all kinds of time and money just decide one day that it’s time. If you want it, you make time for it. 

If you want to get married, just do it 🙂

Post # 13
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’m engaged, have been for 2 and a half years, and we have no idea when we will be getting married.  

My ex H (seperated 3 and a half years) won’t get a move on with the divorce.  Only reason being, he doesn’t want to tell his family we have broken up.  Considering it took him nearly 7 years to tell them that we were together in the first place, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised…

Fiance and I also can’t afford the big family wedding – something I definitely don’t want, but it is FI’s first wedding, and he has a large family that expects it.  We are also now back in a LDR, as he has an excellent job and would be earning less than half if he moved to where I live – we had a trial run of this back in the summer, and thankfully he took a career break so he had a job to go back to.

I’m 44, and this will be my 3rd marriage.  Forcing things in relationships has always been my downfall. My 1st husband – we were both too young…2nd husband – never actually wanted to get married in the first place.  Hardest thing has been learning to accept the here and now, and enjoy things as they are.  Of course I want to be living with and married to my Fiance, but me relocating to where he lives is going to take money.  Where I live now, I have a lovely large flat, two beautiful black kittens,  and I get to see Fiance on average every two weeks.  

Right now I’m concentrating on getting well, getting a job, saving some money and then relocating.  If it means I’m not married until I’m 46, so be it.  

Post # 14
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Settling down and picking a concrete date stresses me out because that means I actually have to plan stuff and be okay with my decision to have a private wedding. Because it’s only going to be us, and a dress doesn’t take long to find/fit, we are going to have the date rock solid by our anniversary in the first week of April. We are leaning towards an August wedding, so we just have to have that confirmed by our anniversary, and we are all good.

Perhaps March is a better idea…but I don’t know, we’ll see. 

Post # 15
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

We had no wedding date for about 5 months after the engagement.  It was making ansty, like I didn’t know where/how/who to plan without a date!  So I cannot imagine 12 months!

Post # 16
Member
24 posts
Newbee

A friend got engaged in June of 2010. They didn’t set a date and when they did, it kept being pushed back. I think that her now husband  said they they needed to get married, so finally they did this past September. 

It happens and was fine for them. 

Personally, I’m not cool with being engaged for years on end without setting a date. To me, being engaged means that you are actively planning your wedding….it’s not meant to be an eternal state of a relationship. If you’re not ready to tie the knot within two years, then getting engaged is a bit bizarre. At least to me. If people want to do it, then that’s their business. 

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