Post # 31
garnobella : I agree with you. Its so confusing and messy. A pary of me wants to go to therapy because its too much for me to handle emotionally. I understand why we did what we did but a part of me is sad and resentful that I had to keep my marriage a secret and was never able to celerbate our commitment publically! Other people think we have been dating for 4 years and are just engaged but we have actually been married for 3! Isn’t that crazy? I do not FEEL like a wife or a bride. I just feel hurt, resentful and angry. I do NOT want to ruin our relationship because I know he clearly loves me and he did what he had to to keep us together.
Post # 32
prip02 : Right now we are considering having a small ceremony here with our local friends. And then flying to India to have a Muslim ceremony with my family.
Post # 33
That sounds so frustrating! I know cultural differences are so difficult to navigate. It sounds like it is time to get it all out there though and just do your best. I think you should go ahead with your wedding plans and do what you can to patch things with his family – honestly it sounds like you have put in more than enough effort already though. I hope they will come to accept you into the family and that you can draw on other positive people in your life for support.
Post # 34
confusedbride13 : I understand why you did it too, and sometimes things can seem so simple but not work out that way! I have just been reading some of your updates and I think your idea is perfect! A small ceremony with local friends and a Muslim ceremony with your family gives you the best of both worlds. Therapy isn’t a bad idea either, it’s great to just let it all out to someone who isn’t involved in the situation. Best of luck, bee!
Post # 35
confusedbride13 : this sounds like a good solution to me. And if you think therapy might help, go for it. Talking to someone often helps, whatever the situation!
Post # 36
confusedbride13 : I agree with PPs. Your wedding plans sound great and I’m sure they will make you feel better about a lot of this. Therapy is a great idea as well! Congrats bee! Hugs!
Post # 37
Ok, I understand there were difficult immigration circumstances. If having a wedding is what you need to do then do that. Just to clarify – what is the hold up? Why haven’t you made wedding plans for a whole year? Is it all because his family doesn’t approve? You’re already married so all the worrying is rather topsy turvy, and they won’t magically get better so you need to ignore it. If your husband can’t stand up to them and be a unit with you then you have way bigger problems than just the in-laws. If they’re that awful to you you shouldn’t even have to visit for the holidays. Tell your husband that enough is enough and set a date TODAY. Your small ceremony then India plan sounds awesome.
Post # 38
Your latest update sound like a good idea . THIS , from earlier ,
” I try to remind him, “eh Hi C…what about us? weren’t we supposed to get married this year?”
‘ is just plain silly . I think you need to stop dwelling on what it was like and why you did it and why it was all so is all so hard etc. Either ‘confess’ and/ or do what your last update suggests .
I do appreciate the cultural difficulty of it all, but for heavens sake you are both adults , and it is mad to keep on like this .