Post # 1
I haven’t posted on here for a while, but I have been reading a lot of other posts lately. My story is that my BF and I started talking a year ago about getting engaged, but then he decided the time wasnt right yet. A few months later he moved half way across the country for work. He had asked me to go with him, but as a single mom I felt that it would be better to wait until we were engaged. Since then, every month or so my BF will bring up our “pending” engagement, then something will happen like an arguement, and he will change his mind and extend the timeline. I have told him that I dont want to talk about getting engaged anymore until he has more solid feelings about it. Well it finally seems like he does. He told me that he has already made the decision that he will propose in the near future and he is currently working on talking to both sets of parents about it. The problem is, that after a year of go-stop-go-stop-go-stop, my mom has seen me get frustrated and cry about it more than once. She knows waiting on me hasn’t been very easy, and it has really had an effect on her opintion of my boyfriend. A year ago, she loved him. Now…well, I told her that he would be talking to her sometime in the relatively near future about our engagement and she flat out told me she doesn’t want to discuss it with him. My mom has done a lot for me in the past and her blessing is important to me. Have any other waiting bees had a similiar problem?
Post # 3
Honestly, I don’t think your mother should be involved in this. This is the problem of discussing relationship issues with people close to you: you rarely feel the need to share the good parts. The result is that your mother may see only the bad, and not enough of the good in your relationship.
But of course, it would be nice to have her be supportive. I think YOU should talk to her about your engagement, not your SO. Work on helping to establish a friendly relationship between your mother and your SO, but I don’t think bonding over an upcoming engagement in your situation is possible.
And BTW, congrats on the upcoming proposal :):) That part is so exciting!
Post # 4
I’m sorry but I can’t really blame your mom for this. Every time you and your SO had an argument, he would extend the timeline?? That’s just so petty and mean. It doesn’t speak well to his character and it also doesn’t bode well for your marriage, if you end up marrying this man.
Also for future reference, if you don’t want your family to develop a low opinion of your BF, then don’t air your dirty laundry, so to speak. Even though you may forgive and forget the arguments with your BF, your family won’t. They’ll continue to remember the bad stuff and lose respect for him because of it.
Anyway, my advice is to tell your BF not to bother with asking your mom as it appears that she won’t be supportive. It would be worse for him to ask your mom and get turned down than it would be for him to NOT ask and propose to you anyway.
Post # 5
@hawk1: Someone told me once long ago that if you are going to bitch about your boyfriend, it would be better to do it to *his* mother before your own. Why? His will forgive him; yours never will.
Either way, you’ve got to work with the situation you’re in. I’d start doing damage control asap, or just be frank with your mother: “hey mom, I know Mike and I have had some bumpy spots…but he is who I want to spend my life with. I’d appreciate you getting on board and being enthusiastic for us, or simply keeping any negativity to yourself.”
Post # 6
Yeah, I know what you guys mean about not talking to your own mother about relationship issues. That was a mistake on my part. I don’t talk bad about my BF, It was more just that I would get excited that we were talking engagement, so i would end up saying something to her (obviously a bad idea) and then when it became clear that we were putting those talks on hold, I would have to tell her because in the begining she got very excited and kept wanting to look for venues and things with me. I agree that I should have a heart to heart with her. And then keep my lips zipped until the engagement actually happens, which hopefully wont be to far off.
Post # 7
I don’t have any specific advice for “waiting impacting family” but I have something kind of similar that might help you. About a year ago, my parents kind of started hating my boyfriend (the reason is irrelevant) and they said that he couldn’t hang out at the house and stupid things like that. It took like a month or 2, but I just kept saying “look…he isn’t going anywhere, I love him, and it is really pointless to be negative about it when he makes me happy beause it won’t make him go away and all it does is make life miserable and difficult for me.” Now they are nice to him and like having him around. Stand up for your relationship, explain to your mom and insist that he makes you happy, and ask her to support your happiness.