(Closed) Waiting chat part 4!

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 182
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@oriskany:  You do! There’s a bit of beading.

Post # 183
Member
512 posts
Busy bee

I’ve been lurking waiting chat but I’ve been so damn down and unhappy the past four months or so in general I didn’t want to post and kill the vibe. I’m a TOTAL black hole when upset, no words can ever soothe me, except my SO for some reason. However his magic doesn’t work in this instance since he is at the crux of it, poor guy! XD

But I have a happy update for once and wanted to put it somewhere since I have no one I can talk to about this in my personal life!!!

SO and I were chatting about his sisters wedding and how stressed out she is from planning it. So I saw my in and brought up something that has been on my mind a while(I gave up on any SIUP a while ago, lol). I have always wanted a tiny, intimate destination wedding. 15, 25 people TOPS. We both have large extended families though. After uncles, aunts, cousins, plus ones and children we’d have around 160, and that’s not counting friends. I am not a fan of crowds or being in the spot light(I feel itchy and my throat closing up imagining it…). On top of that I personally feel weird having some people I barely know and some who don’t even like me/us at something so personal as our wedding!

Well I mentioned this to him, and he was THRILLED! He said he never wanted a bunch of people and he would be really unhappy if we did have a big wedding. When I asked him if his mom would be okay he said ‘Oh man she’d be ecstatic, she’s been so stressed over my sister’s wedding, she says she never wants to do it again.’ He said even though his aunts and a couple of cousins would be pissed as hell he could care less too, which made me breathe a huge sigh of relief! (They’re the ones that don’t like me). 

So I’m still super far away from wedding planning, there’s no ring in sight anytime soon, but I felt so great after that conversation! Its such a great feeling knowing I have someone so supportive and matched well with me. And its the most positive conversation we’ve had in months about wedding related things haha. 

Post # 184
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

@southsun:  It is always a positive when yo and your other half start discussing ideas for a wedding. Wink

Post # 185
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

@oriskany:  no idea :< if you’d have asked me this last year I’d have sworn up and down that it’ll be coming before our 3rd anniversary (april) and now I’m not even sure it’ll be before our 4th :/ we are planning to move out of his family home and rent a place together sometime this year, so I guess I’m going to have to prepare myself for a chat before then as he’s almost certainly conveniently forgotten that I’m not going to feel entirely comfortable tieing together so much money without being engaged at least ^^;

I don’t know how I’d cope if he’d actually taken me to look at rings though :/ and at least I don’t get mixed signals (he never ever talks about anything like that without me asking a direct question). How long is it until you’re visiting him now? Stay strong <3

 

 

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@aithinne:  oh, and that’s just a beautiful dress <3 really nice shape πŸ˜€ plus, you hair looks lovely! I’m so jealous XD and a great deal overall! Wow xxx

 

 

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@missjz:  lol, I’m not sure welcome is right for me since I’ve been here a year now XD but it definitely is nice to meet you πŸ˜€

I very much hope that your so proposes like he says he will. If you don’t mind me asking, what made you settle on the deadline being 1.5 years? And what are you going to do if it doesn’t happen?

Also, try not to feel too sad about the invite, some people have no idea of good etiquette. I was impressed with a bride (BF’s old friend) about half a year ago since she asked for my name and I assumed that meant I’d be a named guest (i hadn’t been expecting to be invited at all). Turns out she didn’t actually invite me to the ceremony nor reception, only the evening reception and asking BF for my name was just a way of not giving him a +1to the entirety of her wedding. We’ll have been together for 3 years when she gets married :/ so I’m  not exactly his girl of the month. Anyway, my point was I think a lot of us dating girls have had to deal with some rubbish like that xxx

Post # 186
Member
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Gorse Hill, Surrey, UK

Just realised I’ve been on these forums since Last sumer and I havent posted anything in here!

The only thing holding me and my OH back is the fact I cant pick a ring! He wants me to choose because I’m so picky, but I can’t make my mind up. I’ve narrowed it down heaps, but still nothing jumps out at me lol. I’m thinking of passing the torch to him now and letting him run with it. 

In terms of a time line I think as soon as we find a ring it will only be a matter of weeks for him to organise something. I’m kind of hoping it will happen between now and my birthday in July. 

 

How are the rest of you girlies holding out?

Post # 187
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@aithinne:  amazing and such a bargain! what else do you have done? I’ve just got enegaged but feel behind compared to some other people. haha. 

I’ve got a dress in mind but it’s only £175 (a bit less than $300) , I’m pretty in love.

Post # 188
Member
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Gorse Hill, Surrey, UK

@southsun:  It’s such a nice feeling when you mention something like that and your partner completely agrees with you! it’s like affirmation they really are meant to be with you and share all of your thoughts and ideas and enthusiasm for them πŸ™‚

Post # 189
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@MaidMarian:  you’ve got lots of new friends, you won’t even need us. *sob*

Post # 190
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

@MaidMarian:  Arghhh! Of course he’s “forgotten” that you feel uncomfortable with that! Men seem to have very selective memories when it comes to making an official committment. I’m sure you’d rather be engaged before moving out together, but are you going to set a walk date or anything for after you move in? I know some women say “if we’re not engaged after 1 year of living together, then I’m gone”

I’m actually visiting him on this Friday for a week and a half! I’m so excited! My sister is convinced he’s going to propose on this trip, but based on some things he’s said I really doubt it. Unfortunately that silly, delusional part of my brain keeps letting me hope against hope that it’ll happen! I was getting pretty emotional on Skype the other day about how much I’ve given up for “just” a boyfriend (giving up grad school, changing career plans, moving out of state for him, etc.) and told him I’m starting to feel uncomfortable with how much I’ve sacrificed given our status as boyfriend/girlfriend. I never outright said that I’d feel a hell of a lot more comfortable if he’d propose, but I’m hoping he caught my drift. As I was starting to tear up, he’s like “Hold on, I have a surprise that will make you feel better about the situation” and of course immediately my brain went into RING MODE! He was acting really weird about it and kept saying how much he’d rather wait until I got there to give me the surprise in person and he wasn’t sure if he should show it to me over Skype. EEEEEK. Obviosly my Ring Alert is going off like crazy at this point. I’m usually horrible about surprises and can’t stand them, and I’m sure it’s actually nothing special in reality, but on the off-chance it is something engagement-related I wanted to wait. He’s taking me on a weekend trip to a gorgeous manor home, and we’re also going for a mountain hike later in the week…I’m like COME ON, these are two prime opportunities, man! I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but I have to admit I’ll be pretty disappointed if it doesn’t happen in the coming week. 99% of me believes that it won’t happen, so I’m bracing for that, but that teeny 1% is getting my hopes up πŸ™ 

Post # 191
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

@PenguinLove:  hell yeah XD I’m one of the popular kids now!

Lol I could never not adore you and wigeon πŸ˜€ and I’ll probably get to a point where I need to hear your perspectives from the other side about waiting haha πŸ˜€

 

 

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@oriskany:  that’s the problem, because I won’t just be able to leave, especially if we’re renting somewhere together, and there’s all the worries like how would we designate the pets? :c we are going to be renting from my parents so I do have that squewed in my favor *evil laugh*. But seriously, I’m always massively impressed with girls that walk after living together, I just don’t see how I would ever be able to do it. I also don’t see (at this moment) how I would ever be able to stand living a life without BF in it… But then if it turned out he had been lieing about wanting to get married… Oh it’s hard πŸ™

I know he doesn’t like the idea of it but I’ll be proposing to him at least once before I think about leaving so we just  have to see :/

 

Oh god, after all that I *really* hope this is it for you. I mean that does sound ridiculously promising but I also don’t want to egg you on if that makes sense…

Still, hopefully you enjoy your week and a half! That does sound lovely πŸ™‚ if it doesn’t happen, make sure to have some good talks with him. And you know that all us bees are just an Internet comment away xxx

Post # 192
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@MaidMarian: I’ll be one of your waiting buddies! I have been lurking on the Bee for a about 8 months, posting in the SIUP, but that’s about it. I would love to join the fun over here too. 

So you say you haven’t gone shopping together, and there is no talk without you brining it up. Well, have you given him ring ideas? Or is that conversation a touchy subject?

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@oriskany:  I do hope that this is the weekend he was planning it, and good for you on holding off and waiting for the trip. It sounds like it will be such a nice, romantic weekend!

Post # 193
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

@MaidMarian: Oh gosh, I know! Once you get finances, pets, etc. all entangled then it’s so hard to leave, regardless of the reason! I remember you mentioned you were thinking about proposing to him by year 4, but you said he doesn’t like the idea of it? Have you discussed that possibility with him yet? Hopefully that’ll kick his butt into gear! It IS so hard! You just want so desperately for them to want to propose to you. It’s not that I actually want the proposal itself, but I just want him to want to do it, you know? I want him to be excited about getting engaged! It takes the excitement out of it if we are the only ones to bring it up.

Awww, thanks dear! πŸ™‚ Hahaha yeah, don’t egg me on, I’m delusional enough without outside help πŸ˜› I truly don’t think this is it yet, he has been extremely busy with moving and settling into his new job that I just don’t see how he would’ve had time to even think about it. Money is pretty tight right now too. I get the inkling he’d rather me be graduated and settled into a job first (totally understandable), so I’m hoping it’ll be by our 5 year anniversary this November. Regardless, I’ll just be happy to see him this week, it’s been 2 months! I’ll keep you guys updated if there is some sort of engagement miracle though πŸ˜‰  

 

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@BrownPlaidBook:  Thank you! I am so excited to spend some quality time with my dude! Even if I don’t come back as an engaged lady, hopefully I’ll have some positive waiting updates. How are things going with your SO? 

Post # 195
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

@BrownPlaidBook:  ages(8-9 months)  ago I found the single most perfect ring for myself for a really awesome price. It was secondhand so I knew that the chances were it would sell. About a month ago I plucked up the courage to ask BF if he would ever be interested in seeing something that I loved as a potential gift, even though the chances of him ever getting it for me were miniscule. He instantly knew I meant rings XD and said that he’d always want to know something like that. So I show him and he likes it. Like 2 weeks after I show him the damn thing is sold, first thing he askes is “will they get it back in stock soon?“… No, I told you it was secondhand, then he says” I thought you showed me a ring with a green stone”… No I’ve definitely only ever shown you one ring with a “cornflower blue” sapphire.

So while he seems very open to talking about that kind of thing I get the impression that he pays no heed to it. And I just feel stupid looking by myself now T.T

 

Sorry for the long spiel! It’s not even the fact the ring sold that annoys me, I kind of knew I could never have it, but his comments after I told him still make me feel kind of miserable (though at least I have no false hope that he’s the one who ordered it). 

 

Welcome to the waiting chat by the way XD xxx

 

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@oriskany:  I’m really bad at dealing with complicated emotional stuff XD so I could probably stay even if it was only for the rabbits’ benefits lol :3

I did tell him that I wanted to propose, mum did it (and got turned down) so I quite like the idea. I think I said a little while after second anniversary and my plan was to wait until our forth anniversary and then if we weren’t engaged by then I was going to start working on something, he didn’t know but I was thinking of doing it on our 4.5 years so it wasn’t like I was going to rush into it.

He seemed fine with it… For about half a year and then it turned out the he felt pressured by the idea of me proposing and I agreed not to do it to make him feel better. I just liked knowing there was an end you know? That a proposal would be happening in less than two years, even if I was doing it, and of course he would be welcome to turn me down. He did assure me that he wasn’t feeling pressured because he didn’t want to propose in that time frame… But it doesn’t make any sense to me other wise.

 

God, my response to you and brownplaidbook really highlight that I have no place to be waiting, I’ve never really been given any positive affirmation that it’ll happen except from him once saying “2014 isn’t out of the question”. But I’ve been thinking recently that I might stick to what I originally wanted to do, only pushed back by a year, and I won’t tell him about it. 

 

Gosh 2 months! I have so much admiration for LDRs, the longest I’ve not seen BF was between 4 and 5 weeks and it killed me. I guess considering what you’re saying it is somewhat unlikely to be this visit… So maybe try to think of a few other things it could be. He does sound very excited about it, which is adorable, and I’m sure that he put a lot of thought into whatever it is. Having someone that loves you and wants to show you that they love is a really precious thing <3

If you don’t mind, I’d like to be updated whatever happens because I’m curious(nosey) as to what he’s got for you!

 

 

And apologies to everyone for being such a massive blob of misery XD I swear I’m normally a happy chappy!

Post # 196
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@MaidMarian:  don’t feel too bad, Adam was like that a lot when he was busy studying and worrying about money he was the same. he didn’t really talk about th future much but stuff changes. just make your feelings clear before moving in together. 

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