(Closed) Waiting chat part 4!

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 78
Member
240 posts
Helper bee

Joining the waiting chat, hello waiting bees! 🙂

Well as has been stated in some of my other posts I am “waiting” but not “waiting waiting”. My SO and I are long distance, though we did live together for 1 year. We have been together 2.5 years.

Normally we are on opposite coasts, but today he left to go to South America for work for three months 🙁 Even though we were far before he still seemed “accessible” unlike now. I’m going to try to focus on other things and get myself in good shape physically and mentally for when he returns.

He is going to come visit me when he comes back and then he is going to settle into a more stable job. Once this happens I will move to wherever he is (I work online) and from there an engagement! 

Post # 79
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

he brought the ring today! we were walking past the jeweler which had the ring I liked and he said ‘I’ve not seen it in person, show me’ so I pointed in out in the window and he said I should try it on so we went in and I tried it on and he just said to the lady ‘we’ll have that’ and brought it on the spot. I was a bit stunned!

but I’ve got to wait for my proposal but we can collect the ring from wednesday.

Post # 81
Member
1533 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

A few weeks ago SO and I had talked about lifeplans, and I had said I had always wanted to be married by 25. I turn 25 in August. Well, today I brought it up again and asked him if being married by the time I’m 25 was a real possibility or not. That I want a real answer because the wedding that I have been planning, if the wedding isnt when I think it is going to be, I need to know because I’ll have to change a lot. And he said it is still a possibility. So I think there is a big chance that I will me married by the date I have listed (our anniversary). I’m hoping so, at least!

If you’re wondering why I said I’m already planning… thats because we both had already discussed that we want a short (less than 6 month) engagement… so I have been planning as much as I can without a definite date. 

But, we’ve been ring talking a lot the past few days, so he doesn’t have the ring yet. I’m kinda stressing, though, about when he’s going to order the stone and setting, and then have them set. I’m so afraid he’s going to wait too long to order them, and it will take FOREVER to get them in and then set… and we’re going to to be able to pull off a wedding in just a couple months. Because as of right now, our (potential) wedding date is 5 months away….

Post # 82
Member
92 posts
Worker bee

Just an update on a follow up conversation I had with my SO last night. In my previous post I had mentioned how I  had brought up the question does he have any time frame in mind when he might propose, want to get married?  Well he got all huffy and irritated and told me eventually and just not to worry about it. That was on Jan 2nd. so last night I told him that I was a little irritated about our conversation the other night . That I do not understand why after being together for so many years we can’t even discuss our future together without him getting mad. So he started yelling at me that  we are practically married that a piece of paper isn’t going to change things and that all I care about is getting a ring.  To  say the least I am extremely disappointed he thinks I am so materialistic that all I want is a ring.  He kept saying we are practically married, we have a house, and a baby, and a dog, and I am trying to explain to him all of that is irrelevant in  his and I relationship because we are the only two things in the relationship.  That I just want to feel like I come first in this one aspect that I am not in a competition with one of his hobbys, or the baby, or whatever fool scheme/hobby he comes up with next.  After that conversation last night it was just so clear that 1.) marriage is not important to him at all 2.) it does not matter to him that its important to me because he thinks I just want a ring 3.) that I am not a priority at all to him.

Post # 83
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

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@alicewhite87:  I’m sorry to hear that. Since then have you told him it’s not about being materialistic and not even close to being about the ring? It’s a demonstration of your love for each other that you want to share. You want to have a -marriage- not a ring. Do you know why exactly he gets mad, like is he tired of you asking or is it a coverup of his own feelings?

We’re here for you!

Post # 84
Member
92 posts
Worker bee

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@hotteatherapy:  I told him I would have been happy with a $50 Wal-Mart ring. That I really just want to know that he is committed to me and just not waiting for something better to come along. He then goes on a rant sAying I would never be happy with a $50 ring. I don’t know why he keeps saying this. I do not even own any jewelry that was more than $30. And I only ever wear earnings. By him showing me I was a priority I think not buying a $4k hobby mustang a year after we move in together would have been a great start. I was hurt that he spent that much on a hobby car when he has been telling me he doesn’t have the money to get me a ring but really wants to get me one. Or that he has bought 4 gas powered RC trucks which total about $500. This doesn’t included the money he spends fixing on his mustang and rc trucks. Then he decides he is in baby mode, but I’m not and I took the morning After pill and it didn’t work and I ended up pregnant it’s like yet another thing he wanted and got and here I am waving my hand screaming remember me and what I want but nothing happens and he just calls me a bitch. He was the one that brought up marriage and that he was ready. 

Post # 85
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

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@alicewhite87:  Oh my gosh. I’m sorry. It sounds like he has his mind made up on what he wants and isn’t considering you. I know this is a tough situation. If he said he was ready why would he take it back or now go against that? Only the universe knows I guess. Maybe when he can commit to what he said he will be more willing to do it? All I can say is I know it’s tough and I am sending hugs your way!

Post # 86
Member
92 posts
Worker bee

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@hotteatherapy:  thanks very much. I am very much contemplating leaving this relationship. The prospect of him actually proposing and him and I getting married doesn’t even feel exciting anymore. It’s like the biggest dream you chase and you keep failing and you just give up and are tired. This is how I feel. I’d like to be with someone that knows what I want, encourages, and tries to help me get there. Not make me feel foolish about it. 

Post # 87
Member
420 posts
Helper bee

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@alicewhite87:  Nope! Yesterday we were talking about our plans for the next few months and he mentioned how we need to go ring shopping again. So I am excited about that! But also at the moment, I still don’t quite feel like we’re on the same page as far as what we want out of marriage and that bothers me. I don’t want him to marry me just because other people keep pressuring us, or that he feels pressured to do so and it’s about the right time.

Post # 89
Member
35 posts
Newbee

Two heart-tweaking annoyances as of late. His younger cousin got engaged on New Year’s Eve. I’m so happy for this sweet couple, but I’m also slightly jealous! Cousin made up a reason to visit the family cabin several hours away and proposed at the waterfront. Swoon and drat! That’s part of my vision for my imaginary proposal lol. In their intial planning- they are thinking about getting married at the family cabin and they should- it’s lovely, sentimental, and a great idea that I used in planning my imaginary wedding also! Bahhhh. My bf just asked me to accompany him to the cabin to handle some winterizing detail that may have been overlooked. Of course, I’ll go with him and be happy about it, but I don’t know… lol.

Many of my bf’s friend’s have been very interested in meeting me- per my guy. He hasn’t dated anyone seriously since divorcing several years ago. Each time he speaks with his out of town pals, he confides that he found “his keeper”. By his own admission- each person has been really surprised because they’ll never heard him speak like this. So he tells me these details from his conversations and all I can do is beam back at him- dorky smile in place! Love and waiting is grand, ehh?!?

 

Post # 90
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Hello all! This is my first time commenting!

 

We have ordered the ring, and are waiting for it to come in, but it should be in the next few days.

My SO and I have been together since 2011, licing together since April 2012, and have been thinking about/moving towards getting engaged for a few months. So I guess that my official status is a “waiting bee”!

I have been a lurker on these boards for a while, and I am very excited to finally be a part of them!

Post # 91
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee

Hi Bees!

This is my first time commenting as well. SO has been throwing me off a little lately. He has been bringing up marriage and kids more than i do. A couple weeks ago we were laying down and he hugs me and says “i understand if there are things you need to do first before getting married” I said there really wasn’t. When i first met him I wanted to finish school before marriage, but that was before I knew I had to take a 2 year break. He just kept saying its ok he wont rush me and we can wait (trying to be funny). He has been bringing up kids ALOT, i straight up asked him if he is ready to have kids last weekend. He said it is weird because he never though he would, but now maybe because he is older “it wouldn’t be the worse thing in the world” and he would be happy. I told him I really wanted to be married before kids and he jokingly rolled his eyes and said “you and your prerequisites” haha.

There has been quite a few instances like this over the last few months. BUT he has also told me that sometimes he is scared to think of committing to someone for the rest of his life. Not because he wants to be single, he just i think is scared because we know soooo many dysfunctional couples.

At first this made me sad, but we aren’t in a huge rush and at least he is thinking about it, right?

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