(Closed) Waiting chat part 4!

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 122
Member
1459 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

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@aithinne:  Thank you <3 he definitely isn’t bluffing at all, and it’s not even the ring so much (since I had kind of been expecting him to propose with a different ring he found himself for most of this time) what really gets me is how clueless he is every time the subject comes up and it’s painfully obvious that he’s never put in any independent thought nor even really taken on board the things I said previously.

 

When I got home from work, and after he had finished playing his game, he kept asking to see the photo I had saved and taking an interest in why I had liked that ring. I’m not 100% sure but I think he may have bluetoothed the image onto his phone (it was on his screen briefly) and was using it to compare other sapphire rings on a website that I didn’t recognise (i snuck a peek on my way to the loo haha).

I’m not going to be looking at rings myself again, it’s just too much wasted energy. He did tell me that soon I’d be able to go shopping and find a ring that I really like, but I dunno why he’d say that. His exam results are released on Saturday, so that will affect all our immediate future decisions. I’ve really just been wishing that when I first bought it up last January he’d have actually clarified that while he had been thinking about marriage we wouldn’t be getting engaged for like 2-3 years, instead of what he did do which was try to be aloof and mysterious.

Blah, I’m rambling again, sorry!

Post # 123
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1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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@MaidMarian:  Mine was the same way. We talked about getting engaged, and went ring shopping in December of 2012, and then bought the ring in Feb 2013, and had to wait until October when he finally proposed. And now I have to wait till April of next year to tie the knot. 

At least he’s asking you about what you like in a ring, and he’s apparently thinking about it now. Guys like to have things in place, so maybe once his exam results are out, he’ll be more comfortable with pushing ahead. I know that’s why my engagement waited so long, he didn’t do as well as he’d thought he had.

Post # 124
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Hey ladies, I just found this thread. I haven’t read the whole thing, but i need to scream/rant somewhere :p i had a good but frustrating waiting day yesterday.  he told some friends of ours that had it not been for him losing his job due to health problems he would have proposed already. its frustrating to me because he could still propose using his grandmothers ring,which i just found out about, and it would cost anything, but its not big Enough in his opinion. There are seriously a lot of day I don’t think he’ll ever propose and then he’ll say something, and I am happy he is thinking about it, but the waiting is killing me lol. Thanks

Post # 125
Member
1459 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

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@aithinne:  Thank you again, it so nice reading words of encouragement πŸ™‚ 

I remember your frustrations over him having the ring and being content with sitting on it seemingly indefinitely. Even though I will never have this dream ring it does give me the opportunity to look forward to us finding something together, or maybe he really will surprise me with something and I won’t be able to wish he’d gone with the ring I’d found myself.

I just wish I could feel like it would be any time soon! XD

 

You’re definitely right about the exams/grade thing, I realised there was no chance of him thinking about anything else before these results a little while ago, I just hoped that my luck would hold a little longer πŸ™‚

 

 

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@Squirrelz15:  i know how you feel on the heirloom rings! My mother has two gorgeous rings, my grandmother’s and my great-grandmother’s, these two are waay nicer than we could even even think about affording but when I once mentioned it to BF he instantly dismissed me with a “we won’t be needing something like that” okay then… Hurr. 

Does he know how much using the heirloom would mean to you? Perhaps you could use that as stand-in and save up for something more impressive at a later date?

At least you know your BF has been thinking about it super seriously! X

Post # 126
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee

So I was helping my BF cook a couple of nights ago, went to the cupboard to get paper towel out and saw, hidden oh-so-subtly behind it a bag from a jeweller.  I didn’t react at all and continued about my business, then when he went to the bathroom I swept back to have a look… inside was a box of approximately the right size to hold a ring!  I put it back without opening it. 

I’m trying not to think about it though… it could easily be earrings or a non engagement ring.  But oooh!  Our dating anniversary is 11/2, so maybe then or even V Day.  But we don’t really pay much heed to V Day so it’s unlikely.

Best case scenario = engaged!  Worst case = other jewellery!  So I will be happy no matter what.

 

Post # 127
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

GAH! Awful waiting day, prepare yourselves for a long rant πŸ™ 

I may end up taking my name off the waiting list. SO and I were having a serious discussion about my attending grad school tonight. I made the decision a few months ago not to get my master’s degree due to my massive undergrad loans. So we made other plans with the knowledge that I would not be pursuing that route. However, I had a meeting with my advisor this week and he informed me I would have no problem getting a fully funded master’s…NOW YOU TELL ME?!!?!

So now the issue is back on the table again. SO and I are currently long distance, as some of the plans we made in the meantime involved him relocating to a new city/new job while I finish up school (graduating in May!). I told him we need to have a serious discussion about my plans, and all went well and after long and hard weighing of the pros and cons, we decided it was best for our future family if I do not attend grad school. I will be a Stay-At-Home Mom after we have children, and don’t want to commit 2+ years to school and get heavily invested in a career that I will have to walk away from in a few years’ time. It was a tough call, but it was a joint decision and what we feel is best for our little unit. 

So after that we’re having a great talk about when he wants to have kids, how he can’t wait to support our family, etc. etc. And then he casually mentions how we can also push back engagement/wedding because his U.S. visa is coming through his employer. *record scratch* ….WHAT?! I’m trying to play it cool and not freak out and he says “yeah, now we don’t have to rush things and we can just get married right before we have kids” Rush things?! We are going on 5 years together! We’ve lived together for two years, have joint bank accounts, he moved countries to be with me, have a dog together….and that’s considered “rushing things”?! I am leaving my family behind to move to a new city (with no current job prospects, mind you), giving up grad school and significant earning potential, giving up my career for our future children and we’re still “RUSHING THINGS?!”

He now wants to get married in 4 years (engaged in 3) because he “knows I’m not dying to get engaged right now.” Ladies, I think I’ve been playing it too casual with regards to engagement. I was so worried about pressuring him that he thinks I couldn’t care less about getting engaged. We went to look at rings in November, have been browsing online together since then, and just last week he said he stopped by a custom jeweler to inquire about the customization process. I genuinely thought we’d be engaged by this summer, since he has told me many times (unsolicitated) that he wanted to settle into his new job for a few months and then propose. I didn’t want to have a meltdown on skype so I changed the subject, but I’ll definitely be bringing this up when I visit him in 3 weeks. I’m sacrificing so much of my independence and personal security for this relationship with the assumption that he is my future husband and father of my children. I don’t doubt that in the slightest, but with all of these sacrifices I’m leaving myself incredibly vulnerable (emotionally AND financially) and an engagement would definitely make me feel more stable. I feel like the only reason he wanted an engagement this year was because his best friend just got engaged and the convenience with immigration paperwork before his employer came through. I feel like I got punched in the gut. πŸ™ 

I’m so sorry that ended up being so long. I just had to get it all out :'(

Post # 128
Member
1459 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

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@oriskany:  oh damn, I am so sorry with how all that went down! How uncool of him! πŸ™

At least you’re resolved to have a talk to him, though I have no idea how you’ll be able to keep quiet for 3 weeks – I’d be a mess haha. At least you can use this time to really think about what you want to say and exactly what answers you need to hear.

I’m a bit confused by why he thinks you “*now* don’t have to rush things?” why did he feel the need to do this soon before but now it can be put off for a few years? That makes no sense to me.

Hope you feel better soon πŸ™ I really hope your talk goes well xxx

 


I have some pretty good news in that my BF was able to pass both of his exams πŸ˜€ (he thought for sure the he failed one if not both) so I am incredibly proud of him ^^ this means that he’s now a part-qualified accountant and is going to talk to careers advice on Monday for help with his cv.

He seems really confident that he’ll be able to get a job pretty quickly and when that happens we will start making plans to move into my parents bungalow. I’m so excited because it’s next to my father’s parents house and then one house away from my cousin πŸ˜€ BF’s sister also lives in the city and BF is super keen to try to find our girls bunny-boyfriends lol (we’ll be requiring the help of a rabbit rescue for that one). It’s all just so perfect for us and I’m incredibly excited.

The only thing that concerns me is that over a year ago I told BF that I was uncomfortable moving in with him without at least being engaged, I’ve moved into his family home since then and while I don’t really like it I don’t mind too much either. If we’re renting a house together (even if my parents are the landlords) we’re going to be tieing up a fair amount of our finances together and it just feels so much more “official”. I’m worried that he’s forgotten what I told him last year… But I also don’t really feel like bringing up the issue right now, maybe after our anniversary.

 

Sorry I always type so much XD it just feels so nice getting all these pent up thoughts out. Xx

Post # 129
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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@MaidMarian: Thanks, girl. I’m feeling loads better this morning. When I get stressed about other things in my life, it’s easier to stress about engagement too. Just gotta have a good sleep and a cup of tea and remember to breathe! πŸ™‚ 

He is from the UK, so we’re trying to still figure out the visa process. He was going to tell his employer not to bother with a new work visa, because he planned on being engaged/married (and thus getting a green card) before his old work visa expired. He figured he would just save the company some money/hassle because we were planning on getting married within that timeline anyways. The old visa expires in a little more than 2 years, and since we we’re planning on a two year engagement, I figured a proposal was right around the corner! 

His employer has now insisted they sponsor his work visa, so we don’t HAVE to get married in 2 years to keep him in the country. I guess I thought our engagement timeline was fairly independent of our visa timeline and they just happened to coincide, but now that he said we were previously “rushing it” it looks like they were similar timelines for a reason πŸ™ Now that we don’t have to worry about acquiring a fiancee visa or greencard, we can get married when “we” (i.e. HE) wants to get married, which is in 4 years rather than 2 years (and engagement in 3 years rather than this year). We’ll have been dating for almost 8 years by that engagement date, and let me tell you…I am NOT cool about dating for that long, especially when he is now in a stable career making great money and I’ve sacrificed my career and goals for our relationship. There’s a serious chat coming his way!

________________________________________________________________________

That’s great your SO passed his exams! It sounds like you guys can really start establishing yourselves now! When is your anniversary? I would have that chat with him definitely sooner rather than later, because that sort of living situation definitely makes things more serious and more complicated. I lived with my SO for two years up until a few weeks ago, and I now feel like there should have explicitly been a mutually agreed upon timeline before moving in. I’ll be moving back in with him in August, but I will definitely not be moving in before we’ve really hashed out some timeline details. Moving into your new place will hopefully give you a fresh start to open the dialogue about engagements and marriage! 

Post # 130
Member
1459 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

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@oriskany:  Oh wow, I really don’t know how I’d feel if it turned out the only reason someone wanted to be engaged to me was to get into the country. Like it’s fair enough that he wants to be engaged to you and then it also works out that that helps him get a green card, but the other way round? Not cool πŸ™

He super needs to know how that makes you feel! Sometimes I wish I could just go and gently shake some of the waiting BFs… ^^; hopefully he was just kind of talking without thinking though and will be receptive of your wants and needs <3

 

Thank you for your thoughtful words to me as well <3 Our anniversary is right at the beginning of April πŸ™‚ so not super far away and I doubt there will have been any solid developments into moving out by then. I’ll *finally* be his longest relationship lol.

I will probably try to use the move, and our anniversary as conversational stepping stones to talking about timelines πŸ™‚ It’s just frustrating since whenever I’ve tried to bring it up before he’s gone all mysterious and “ooh noo I couldn’t *possibly* say any more”, which a year ago was exciting and easy to interpret as something being in the works… now… not so much haha.

It’s definately a good idea for you and myself though πŸ™‚ there’s too many horror stories of girls moving in for the longest time and the guy being way too chill about marriage. Hopefully our respective future conversations go well and aren’t too awkward! xx

Post # 131
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32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Plantation

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@blauren:  AH! That’s exciting! Keep us in the loop πŸ™‚ PS: good job keeping your excitment in, I’m sure you were smiling all through the night.

Post # 132
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32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Plantation

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@oriskany:  That’s a shame. Just as MaidMarian said, I as well hope; maybe he wasn’t thinking as he was speaking and since you have been a little lax about engagement he may be saying all of this becuase he wants to see what your reaction is OR he may think that you were originally “forced” (or so he thinks) since he needed to get his GC? Good for you that you want to discuss this in person, although are you going to be able to hold out that long? I would personally go insane!

 

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@MaidMarian:  CONGRATS to your SO! That’s super exicting πŸ™‚ I’m certain that takes a load of his shoulders and since your anniversary is right around the corner and you guys will be moving in together there are a lot of new stepping stones to lay out together.


Not much to update here! We had dinner at our somewhat newly engaged friends house and they were talking about wedding this & wedding that, some of it sounded so complicated! When SO and I were laying in bed I said “if we ever get married could we just have something small and simple both here and in your home state?” his respones “relax,relax” UGH! man he is such a man! can you just let me know what is going through your head already!?!?

Post # 133
Member
1459 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

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@love-a-lot-bee:  Thank you! πŸ˜€ I’m a very proud gf lol XD

I had kind of been feeling like engagement would feel a lot closer with these results out of the way, but it doesn’t lol and looking back I’m not entirely sure what I was hoping for? Still, anniversary soon πŸ™‚ so I’ll have to see how it all pans out. 

 

Lol I think I’d be annoyed at a response like that! XD I recently asked BF if we could just go ahead and Elope and he was like “sure”… :/ and then I asked a couple of other things related to the first question all of which was answered with” sure”. Why can’t they ever bring it up?? Or at least pretend to be interested when we bring it up T.T xx

Post # 134
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32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Plantation

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@MaidMarian:  I know what you mean, every time 1 thing or another is knocked out of the way you think your 1 step closer, I mean isnt that how your suppose to feel? But when it happens you realize your a woman and he’s a man and he’s probably not anywhere near thinking what you had originally thought! LOL. Ipersonally despise the word sure… it is not an answer! Dag Nabbit!  -sorry that was a little bit of a rant- It would make it easier if they brought it up but unfortunetly they are men. hey shouldn’t get frustrated when we bring it up… nothing would ever happen if we didn’t plant something in your mind  πŸ˜‰

Post # 135
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

hey girls.

I’ve disappeared from waiting boards mainly because I’ve started wedding planning now. I’m off to wedding fair soon and emailing vendors. I’m not yet engaged but SO has the ring and I think is just worrying about how to ask me for some unknown reason considering I’m going to say yes anyway. 

we went to visit his grandparents and told them that we’ll be getting married next year and asked his nan to do a reading at the wedding, they were both thrilled at the news. it was very nice. so I don’t consider myself waiting anymore though I’ll remain on the waiting list until I have the ring. 

Post # 136
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

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@PenguinLove:  Yay, congrats! That is very exciting. Keep us posted on the planning πŸ™‚

 

I’ve had a very smooth waiting period as of lately. My SO and I have decided on a ring (it is so me, unique but classic at the same time) and we are going diamond shopping this week. He constantly brings up our engagement and has told me he’s running through proposal ideas all the time. We are so happy about it and I can’t wait!

We did have an emotional period when we discussed the size of our wedding. It will likely be small as we have few family members/friends. I’m considering a small, intimate wedding in a place like the Florida Keys. 

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