(Closed) Waiting chat?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3248 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@givemecouture:  That seems like a really good idea. I feel like I often get into my own situation in other people’s threads a little more than I should. And I also feel weird about making a whole new post when something happens, because I worry that people will get sick of me and decide I’m not worth bothering with! Especially since I am making myself wait until the week after Valentine’s Day (when we will have been together 4 years) to bring up the subject and see what he’s thinking. . . I need to find out if he thinks marriage is something that is in our future (I’m pretty sure he does, but what I know is definitely not enough to make me stop worrying), and if so, when approximately does he want it to happen. And I need to tell him how much the not-knowing gets to me, and let him know what my hoped-for timeline is, and tell him that I WANT a long engagement.

The worst thing about this is that we did have a talk in the summer, and at that time he said that it would happen before 6 years together, which is too far away for my liking since I suspect he may think the closer to 6 years the better what with my grad school and all. He also said that he didn’t want to think about marriage or getting engaged because it was nerve-racking and he was already too stressed out with work/money issues that have since gone away as much as they ever will. I can’t get it off my mind so I keep hinting, and he either says something minimal but encouraging (like “don’t worry!” or “all in good time”), or says nothing at all and there is awkward silence. I hate that– I want it to at least be something we can openly talk about instead of having it be so awkward and tense. We’re so open about everything else with each other that the dynamic we have developed around this subject is really awful.

UGH!!

Thanks for having this idea– much better than us all making lots of posts about our situations!

Post # 4
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@givemecouture:  good idea!

@Creiddylad:  He is lucky you have been so patient. Hopefully he will come around without you even having to talk about it. Even if not hopefully when you do, he will be receptive.

 

My issue that I also didn’t feel was a big enough deal to start a thread about is my FSIL. I have never met her but really liked her from what I’d heard. Well I guess her mom told her my SO is planning on proposing. When she found out she called him nuts. So now he is in a bad mood because he doesn’t think she respects him and I’m annoyed that she’d say that. My mom thinks she’s jealous but since I don’t know her I don’t want to assume anything negative. Perhaps she was kidding? Anyway it hurt my SO’s feelings and that pisses me off.

Post # 8
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@givemecouture:  yea I agree. I am sure it had little to do with me and more to do with her being his big sister and thinking she knows best. But he is grown, has a job house and car and we co-parent my cat. He doesn’t need help being mature. In any case hopefully when we meet she’ll want to get to know her FSIL like I want to know mine. I only have brothers and she olny has brothers so perhaps we can bond over that.

As for your situation, he can’t wait forever. Also he should compromise on the wedding. I too would prefer a courthouse deal but my SO wants a wedding. So I’d rather him be happy. I hope he proposes soon; sitting on a ring is really unfair.

Post # 9
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

@subtlebee:  Just wanted to say I am so jealous you have a cat! I love pets! =)

Post # 10
Member
3248 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@givemecouture:  Yeah. . . that’s what I’m hoping I’m going to find out soon! Hello, nervous wreck-ness for another week and a half. 🙁 I talk about it too much so I HAVE to be silent about it from now until when I bring it up for real.

@subtlebee:  Agh, people can be so weird about other people getting married. It brings up so many emotions, many of them not so good. Yuk.

@givemecouture:  Oh, dear, you must be so stressed out about this vacation! I’m a little stressed about a vacation my SO and I are taking in May because that would be the perfect time to get engaged, but I’m 98% sure it hasn’t crossed his mind because we planned it together and he seemed completely normal and low-key about all of it. I’m trying not to get any hopes up for that, but I know there probably will be moments on the vacation where I’ll be frustrated. My goodness, I really hope your SO gets it together and proposes in Hawaii. It is really horrible being committed to someone and yet not knowing if they want the same thing. I don’t blame you for crying about it.

Post # 11
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@MariaW:  I’d be so lonely studying all the time without her! plus it was great when I was single to ween out guys who werent serious. I knew my SO was worth my time because he’s allergic and it never deterred him one bit. His eyes used to get all swollen and red. bless his heart!

Post # 12
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

@Creiddylad:  You can always distract yourself with my job applications if you like! J/k. =)

Post # 13
Member
3248 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@MariaW:  Aaaaaagggghhh!!!! 😉 Thanks, but no thanks. . . I have internship applications and grad school to provide distraction. Haha!

Post # 15
Member
2170 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@givemecouture:  

You situation has a few similarities to mine. My SO is also late 30’s, and he says all the time how much he wants to marry me and is sure that we will, but admitted that he is not too keen on a big wedding and all the drama around planning it. But we actually had a quite a good chat about it on the weekend, and I think he was surprised, relieved and happy when I told him I wanted a small wedding…like VERY small, with immediate family only. He told me Mom over the holidays that he is starting to look for a ring for me, and he assumed she would not tell me, but of course she did! So now I am analyzing everything and wondering when it could happen. I don’t think he has the ring yet, and I kind of think he wants to wait until later spring when we have been together for a year officially. Also, we are going to Hawaii in a couple weeks too! I really hope it happens for you there. How romantic would that be? But at this point I bet you would take the proposal, with our without the romance (I would)! haha

Oh and of course…one last similarity is that I LOVE the ring you will be getting!

 

Post # 16
Member
2145 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Great idea!! I never start my own thread when I need to vent because I feel like people will get annoyed of me haha. This should be a sticky! 

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