- 5 years ago
What is your definition of waiting? What are the waiting stages?
What is your definition of waiting? What are the waiting stages?
Personally for me, waiting is knowing he has the ring and fully intends to propose within a timeframe we picked together. We’ve always had completely open communication and we’re always on the same page in terms of commitment level and marital readiness. I’m not really sure what you mean by stages because I think every waiting Bee might go through her waiting experience differently.
For me waiting is knowing you guys are getting married, you’ve had SERIOUS discussions about it (not just in passing), it’s 100% happening and you’re just waiting on becoming ring official. It could be that he’s saving up for the ring, already got it and just waiting for the right time to propose or you have both agreed on a timeframe to wait for. Bottom line is, you guys are definitely getting married, you’re just waiting for the official proposal.
I considered myself waiting when he looked me in the eyes and said ‘You know I want you to be my wife someday’.
That was in late September and he proposed 3 months later.
We had talked in passing about it and joked about marriage etc but I dunno something about the way he said it made me know.
Waiting for me was when I decided I was ready to take the relationship to the next step because we overcame some major obstacles and officially had the tools to have a well-adjusted life together ( minimal fighting, awareness of our mood impact on one another, compromise, etc.) Of course, to be considered waiting, I also had to tell him I was ready – and we went to figure out my ring size the next week! He told me he was going to marry me and to start looking at rings the first week together… so I know he was ready for awhile.
I considered myself in the early stages of waiting when he asked me to send him pics od rings I liked. That ended up being 2 years before the proposal. I considered myself to be truly “waiting” after we went and seriously looked at rings together. He proposed 9 months later.
I would consider waiting the timeframe between when you decide you want to marry him and either he proposes or you move on. With that in mind perhaps you could break it into a myriad of stages, he’s discussing our future, he’s asking My friends about rings, he’s planning a vacation…lol For every Bee I think waiting is different because every Bees relationship is unique.
Like jily above says, every Bee’s relationship is unique but this would be my definition of Waiting. Not everyone would agree with these- and no-body would likely experience all of these different kinds of Waiting. Most Bees would only identify with a few of these. Or maybe even none.
Early Stage Waiting- this is when you first realize you want to spend the rest of your life with this person and know you want to get married. Because this knowledge is new to you or because you think it’s a bit too early to start talking about it or because you want the proposal to be a surprise, at this stage you say nothing out loud but probably start daydreaming about it or writing in a journal about it etc.
Mutual Understanding Waiting: this is where you have open discussions about your future plans, timelines, what you both want etc and make mutual decisions on the stages of your relationship.
Patiently Waiting: this is when you know you’ll get married, but engagement is likely still down the road a bit but you’re okay with this. It could be because you’re both young or both in school or simply because you & your SO are patient people and will know when the time is right. To you, it’s not a question of ‘if’ you’ll get married but ‘when’ so you don’t stress about it, it’s not an unhappy time for you and you’re confident that when it does happen you it’ll be awesome.
Impatiently Waiting: this is when waiting starts to have a negative effect on you. Maybe you crossed over from Patiently Waiting to Impatiently Waiting because it’s taking SO longer to propose than you’d like and you feel insecure and unhappy or even start to wonder if he truly intends to propose. Maybe you and SO have different timelines and he’s content to date for another year or two and you want a ring yesterday. Maybe you want children and your biological clock has become a factor. There are countless reasons to be Impatiently Waiting but this phase can be one of uncertainty.
Shouldn’t-Be-Waiting Waiting: There are times when you should not be waiting at all. I’ve seen posts from Bees (mainly in Relationships) who are hoping things will get better with a man who is verbally abusive or bad tempered or cheating. Marrying someone like this won’t magically make him into Mr. Nice Guy or more committed to you. If he’s already treating you like crap while you’re dating, imagine what being married to him would be like. Why would you even want to marry someone like this? Don’t Wait for this guy- run!
Soul-searching Waiting: This usually happens when you start to question the relationship itself and consider breaking things off. It could be that you’ve been in the Impatiently Waiting phase too long and it’s making you resentful and bitter and causing too many fights in the relationship. You wonder if he’ll ever propose. You wonder if you’re being foolish to continue waiting. Maybe you’ve had mutual conversations about timelines etc and he’s broken several ‘deadlines’ and you start feeling he’s just stalling or stringing you along. Maybe you’re not on the same page at all, especially if wanting children and your age is a factor. Or maybe something specific happened that has caused you to question whether you still want to get married to him (ie something happened that really hurt your trust in him). This is where you ultimately decide if you want to continue waiting or it might be time to move on.
Non-waiters: There are some women who would not wait at all. Once they know what they want, they consider ‘waiting’ to be outdated or time-wasting or just plain silly. They refuse to sit (patiently or impatiently) Waiting for their partner to surprise them with a proposal. They think it’s unfair that they should put planning their own lives on hold Waiting on someone else to decide when to put a ring on their finger. These are women who would propose themselves or at least have frank discussions on the where and when/ choose the ring together etc.
Just my own opinion of course. For me, I waffle between Patiently Waiting and Impatiently Waiting :p
Chapter 2- lol just kidding :p Sorry for such a long post!
Thanks you guys. I was just wondering because I was afraid I’d be laughed off this board because he hasn’t purchased a ring or anything. By @RobbieAndJuliahaha’s list I am somewhere between patiently waiting and impatiently waiting
Waiting in terms of weddingbee is when you’re ready to commit to your SO and you’re waiting for SO to want to take the next step. I was lucky v realistic because Fiance and I had a similar timeline.
When he had seriously talked about marriage, I considered us pre-engaged, which is a term I picked up from apracticalwedding.com. Being pre-engaged was very fun because of all the anticipation, and things have continued to be great!
IveBeenDreaming: I’m engaged, but I considered myself “waiting” from the time that I first felt ready to get married and expressed that feeling to my then bf (now FI). For me, Fiance was ready to get married long before I was.
We met when I had just turned 21 so I was in no way ready to get married whereas he was ready very early. He agreed to wait for me until I was ready, once I told him I was ready I considered myself “waiting”. I was “waiting” for maybe 3 months.
I knew I was going to marry him since the beginning but we started talking about our future together about a year or so ago which was at about 4 years together. Then 6 months ago we started seriously discussing marriage and looking and picking out rings. So i didnt seriously consider myself waiting until thenHe told me “a few months” at that point but that timeframe is being extended due to his ex gf ( youngest sons mother) getting engaged last month and getting married in March I believe. He didn’t want to compete with her. But anyway I’m swaying in between patiently & impatiently waiting right now. I know its coming I just don’t know when. We talk about it often and I’m not the only one to bring it up. And I know his work buddies are all pressuring him too. Lol
I started waiting when we went to look at rings. I started impatiently waiting when he picked up the ring. It’s a hard wait after the ring comes home but he’s trying to make the proposal a surprise. Lol. I’ve been impatiently waiting for a month ahhh.
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