(Closed) Waiting…. dont know what to do… :S are my points for getting engaged good?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I would focus on school right now. He’s told you that he’s not ready right now, and that’s hard to hear, but it’s something that needs to be considered. It’s hard waiting, but when he’s ready and wants to move forward, things will move along. Both of you are in school and it should come first, especially because that education will help you get a job so you can support yourselves.

I think you implementing Mr. Bee’s plan is a good idea!

Post # 5
Member
3686 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You’ve been together less than a year. There’s no rush to get engaged, especially at that age. You keep saying you want to feel “secure” in your relationship. If that’s one of your major concerns, I don’t think you’re with the right person.

Post # 6
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@sweetnsour17:  Because no one can ever take your education away, but relationships? You never know what could happen. You could break up (not saying you will, but you never know in life), if you get married, you could get divorced, and if you let your school fall to the wayside, how will you support yourself? You have to think further than just “engagement.” You mentioned being a person that likes to plan. Plan for your overall future, not just the relationship side. Until he commits to you, you have to take care of #1: YOU.

Engagement has nothing to do with school, or even finding a job. It’s not a “need.” It’s a want. You NEED a job to pay the bills. To get a job in this economy, you need a great education. Make the most of it while you can. Don’t let this distract you because you don’t know how the future will be yet. Revisit the conversation with him in January like ya’ll agreed.

Post # 7
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

Remember a marriage is forever. You are young. If he’s definitely the one for you, waiting shouldn’t be a problem. It takes 2 years (biologically speaking) for the “lust” hormones to fade so see how yuo feel after that.

When I was 20, I met “the one” as well. 100% convinced. Thank god we didn’t stay together. He was not the one for me. (I am 29 and engaged to a wonderful guy.)

Post # 8
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

All your reasons are about you. I want, I want, I want. He doesn’t want what you want, not right now, so you’re not goimg to help your case by going over what YOU want. You have to start thinking in terms of “we,” and also learning how to compromise. There’s 2 people in a marriage and it shouldn’t be just about one of them getting their wants fulfilled.

Post # 10
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@sweetnsour17:  He’s just not ready, and he will not propose until he is. A man simply will not propose if he is not ready. He just won’t.  The majority of men want to be financially stable before even considering proposing to his lady love. It might be a few years until he feels this way.

Post # 13
Member
3686 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

And also, he’s 21. I have met very, very few 21 year old males that are ready for marriage. My advice would be to enjoy each other and your early twenties. I don’t want to get into the “age debate” again on Weddingbee — I’m not going to tell you you’re too young to get married. All I can tell you is my experience — I changed A LOT between the ages of 20 and 25. A LOT. The person I was with when I was 20, I was convinced he was “the one.” *Thank God* I didn’t end up with him. Again, not saying that this will be your experience, but I don’t think there’s any need to rush into marriage, especially since your boyfriend is obviously (and understandably) not ready.

Post # 14
Member
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

@fishbone:  Very well said!

@lealorali:  I was just about to talk about the ‘biological/chemical’ aspects of a relationship but you beat me to it haha 😉 Good point!

My Fiance and I got engaged right before we turned 21 and we were both in school, but we had already been together almost four years, had lived together for two (in our own place, outside of the university/college’bubble’), and planned a two and a half year engagement . We were also both ready. It wasn’t just me and I didn’t have to try to convince him that it was right. I understand the antsy feelings of waiting, but from the information you’ve given us I’d side with him and say that it’s a little fast. Show him that you’re mature and willing to be a respectful partner and wait until January to bring it up again.

Also, the person I wanted to marry hasn’t changed over the past few years but the reasons I wanted to get married definitely did. As your relationship changes I’m sure your reasons for wanting to get married will too. If this guy is ‘the one’ then enjoy all the stages of your relationship with him, because you’ll only get to enjoy this relationship stage once (:

Post # 15
Member
9201 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I can’t really agree with you because you’re so young and you’ve been together for such a short time.  (Sorry if that sounds condescening or anything – just my honest opinion as an old lady of 30.)  People do SO much changing in their early 20s, and relationships go through a ton of changes in the first couple years.  Why not just enjoy being in a great relationship for now? And if you do have doubts about it or don’t feel “secure”, getting engaged and married won’t fix that.  I would think the same thing if you both wanted to get married asap (as tons of young marriages lead to divorce), but even more so because he’s clearly not ready. 

Just my two cents but I hope you think about it…

Post # 16
Member
841 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

if he’s not ready, you can’t guilt or pressure him into it. if you feel like your needs are not being met simply because you are not engaged, then it’s really quite a lot of pressure on him. you guys have only been together a year, and you’re so young! and once you’re engaged, you may think you want a long engagement, but what’s to say you won’t change to want marriage faster? to keep the relationship ‘moving forward’. what if a “long” engagement to you is considered too short to him? say, you’ve been engaged 2 years, and you’re ready to start planning a wedding — but he wants to wait 5 MORE years. that’s fine with you? wouldn’t you rather he propose around the time he’s willing to seriously start planning a wedding (or within 2-3 years of)?

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