- 8 years ago
this is my first post. I left my boyfriend of three years today because he’s been promising me an engagement rifor and full commitment for three years and he’s done nothing to show me he’s in any way committed to me. We live apart. I’m 6 years older and 40 in two months. I thought I would be married by now with a baby because he’s promised me a family life for so long. We’ve never been on holiday. The most he’s managed is one night on the English coast last summer. He emails me holiday details every week but nothing gets booked. There is so much we are yet to do. He got me hooked quick with his patter, promising me a ring soon, soon! He used to be a jeweller and described how he’d make me a ring. After six months of being together he suddenly started saying how he enjoys living alone and may take a lodger. I was crushed…we were supposed to be making plans for our future and now I was getting mixed messages.
When I suggested we live together he made excuses I am a lady and his whole house needs decorating. I said ok, let’s decorate it together. But nothing more was said.
its been anguish waiting. he’s the love of my life and its been difficult getting over the disappointment. When I met him I thought I could put all hurt behind me, I thought wow here’s a man not afraid of commitment, how refreshing. How wrong I was.
I started distancing myself from him a few months ago. I asked him several times for a timeframe considering my age. But he couldnt give me an indication. I explained I was scared he was all talk. Resentment started setting in when he wouldn’t make solid plans with me. Being in limbo with the man you love hurts so much. It’s knocked my self esteem. I question what is so wrong with Me? I compare myself to his exes who he lived with straightaway. He’s told me of the holidays they’ve been on. His ex didn’t lift a finger and lived rent free. She didn’t even get up to take her son to school, he did it even though he’s not his son. She didn’t decorate his house. I’m hardworking, I work full time and would pay my way. I’m house proud and would love to help decorate his house. He still hasn’t made a start on decorating. I think he’s lazy and taken me for granted, so today I simply told him I’m not committed to him anymore, I’m not putting my life on hold for him anymore. Basically I laid down may terms. He knows I want another child before my time is up and he knows I only want his baby. It’s cruel being fobbed off with empty promises. I’ve given him my all but he blames me for his lack of commitment. I’ve lashed out a few times because I’m bitter at being rejected by him. He blames me for us not living together because I got insecure. He won’t accept responsibility for his actions. I’ve been waiting for the green light for so long. I even had a break down last year and had time off work because I want to be a family with him so much. It’s like he’s there but out of my reach. I dream of a life together and how I will love and cherish him, etc.
Im not playing games by telling him I’m no longer committed. I’ve told him that yes I will begin to look for a new partner in time and have a life of my own. I am doing it for my sanity and self worth. I doubt he will fight for me. his father has told him in the past I am a strong lady and will leave if he doesn’t sort his act out. After that speech he came to me all fired up and got me looking at engagement rings…but a few days later when he got me back, the excuses started.
it seems he won’t commit but he loathes the thought of someone else having me, so to speak. As soon as I distance myself to focus on my life instead of getting depressed about our dead end relationship, he gets insecure. His friends announced their pregnancy recently and he was in tears saying he wishes it was us. After months of asking if he’ll commit and getting no joy, he suddenly wants to be a dad! All because he felt he was losing me. It’s all on his terms or nothing.
anyway if he doesn’t fight for me or act then I know he never was going to. I know he loves me dearly but he needs to get off his butt and act! But for now I have to move on. I cannot wait for him to decide when the time is right. I’m not contacting him. no more limbo. No more hurt.
Sorry for the long post. You never know, he might realise his loss (he once told me he doesn’t function well without me in hs life) and turn up with a ring but that’s the stuff of films, so I doubt it. I’m afraid he’d rather lose me than fight for me.
Thanks in advance for reading. I wonder if anyone else has a similar story? Do you think I’ve done the right thing?