(Closed) Waiting for 3 years so I left him today

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 32
Member
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@Tigerlily1973:  I do believe you did the right thing. I’m sorry that you are going through this, I haven’t had this happen to me (I’m only 20 years old.. a youngin I know) but I have seen this happen with some of my older friends. My friend who I will call ‘Amanda’ has been with her partner for 4 years and was told after two years of dating that he would get her a ring so they could get married this August. She is 25 and he is 32. He told her he was concerned that he would never have the chance to have children, and what do you know, she is pregnant and there is no engagement in sight.

Don’t be too disheartened. The right guy would commit and be honest about his wants and needs for his life. It’s good in a way that you left and didn’t waste any more years on a man who doesn’t appreciate your wants and needs in life. Cudos to you for being so strong. x

Post # 35
Member
1781 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Stay strong!  You deserve so much better than this.  He’s not willing to commit, but he doesn’t want you moving on to someone better, so he’s just trying to drag you down with him.  You’ll look back on him in a few years, think to yourself “what was I thinking?” and be happy you found someone better, who treats you well and doesn’t dangle commitment in front of you.

Post # 37
Member
574 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Tigerlily1973:  Good for you!!! He doesn’t deserve you.  And now that he’s sent you all those awful messages, he’s showing his true colors.  No girl should ever get treated that way!

Post # 38
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

@Tigerlily1973:  I’m sorry to hear that his communication has gotten to the point where it’s making you react like that 🙁 men can be ever so weird and scary when they’ve been broken up with. *hugs* you seem like a wonderful strong woman and this is confirmation that you made the right choice.

 

wishing you all the best <3

Post # 39
Member
2953 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Tigerlily1973:  Hang in there! The first few days and weeks are the toughest. I’m glad you are being true to your convictions.

Post # 40
Member
1680 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

@Tigerlily1973:  That is awful that he is sending you nasty texts. Be thankful you were strong and smart enough to walk away! You don’t deserve that.

 

Post # 41
Member
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Tigerlily1973:  Geez, wouldn’t marry you if you were the last woman on earth? I don’t care if it was lashing out, honey, this is not a man you want to marry, even if he did offer a diamond ring.

 

I’m sorry, but everything you have said – the controlling, everything on his terms – this guy will make your life hellish if you ever did end up marrying him. He sounds like he loves manipulating people. I am so glad you are strong and left – but even if he comes grovelling back, you should stay gone, and find a real, better man!

ETA: read your most recent update – what a creep! I am so glad you are done with this jerk. Guess he is showing his real self now. You can, and will do so much better!

Post # 42
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Tigerlily1973:  He sounds a bit manipulative honestly. Leading people on is a form of manipulation, but also trying to keep you dependent and bringing up your imperfections are forms of keeping you down and in your place, and ultimately happy with the very little he seems to be actually giving you.

Who knows? Maybe he needs to work on himself. Maybe he was burned by living with people before, but you have talked about your desires for 3 years. He’s had 3 years to tell you if they didn’t match up with his, and not just say what he thought you wanted hear to keep you around for what he wanted.

I would have a clean of a break as possible.

Post # 44
Member
1919 posts
Buzzing bee

Sounds to me like the only thing “wrong” with you is that YOU are way to good for HIM! 

I’m sorry you’re going through this 🙁 Chin up buttercup!!

Post # 45
Member
267 posts
Helper bee

@cmbr:  +1!

The ring won’t change his behaviour! He’s old enough to make the decision. At your age you need someone better, who really deserves you!

Post # 46
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Tigerlily1973:  when I first read that you left due to awaiting 3 years I thought to myself “gee, 3 years is not too long at all” – I myself waited 6.5 (happy) years..

 But then I read your story – and all of the lies and manipulation he put you through. I am so sorry for the emotional abuse this guy put you through! You did the right thing, no doubt, by leaving his pathetic manipulative ass. I just can’t wrap my mind around someone who treats someone who loves them so much the way he treated you, like you were not good enough or some BS. It’s one thing for someone to not be sure about lifelong commitments or too feel scared by pressure to marry – but it seems to me guy is guy purposely led you onto believe he had the best of intention and took advantage of your love and trust and used it to hurt and belittle you. Even if this asshat comes crawling back to you with a “diamond ring” I really hope you shut him down – you deserve better!

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