Post # 32
@Tigerlily1973: I do believe you did the right thing. I’m sorry that you are going through this, I haven’t had this happen to me (I’m only 20 years old.. a youngin I know) but I have seen this happen with some of my older friends. My friend who I will call ‘Amanda’ has been with her partner for 4 years and was told after two years of dating that he would get her a ring so they could get married this August. She is 25 and he is 32. He told her he was concerned that he would never have the chance to have children, and what do you know, she is pregnant and there is no engagement in sight.
Don’t be too disheartened. The right guy would commit and be honest about his wants and needs for his life. It’s good in a way that you left and didn’t waste any more years on a man who doesn’t appreciate your wants and needs in life. Cudos to you for being so strong. x
Post # 33
Thought I’d give an update. I’ve been doing the NC thing and had texts from him saying he misses me but I’ve given him a hard time. He’s offered to come over to fix things around the house but I said no, he can’t walk back into my life while nothing changes. He even text me a cheap item I can buy for my car saying, see I do think of you. I said, it’s hardly a diamond ring is it? gaining going to take more than that to win me back. I mean, come on, a parcel shelf for my car…it’s hardly romantic. I thanked him for thinking of me but explained it is commitment I need from him. He’s now saying he wouldn’t marry me if I was the last woman on earth. Charming! I know he probably doesnt mean it and is lashing out, but I need reassurance or for him to walk away.
I feel good for sticking to my word and I am prepared to walk away for good if he doesn’t do the right thing. I know I have basically issued an ultimatum and appreciate I have to be ready to live a life without him in it. He’s such a stubborn mule and likes to be in control and have everything on his terms. He says all I need to do to win his commitment is be nice, but he doesn’t say for how long and What will happen when he thinks I’ve been nice for long enough. it’s all a bit patronising. If he committed we’d be able to do all the lovely things I’ve dreamed of doing with him for so long. I could finally relax and life wouldn’t be on hold anymore.
I don’t understand why he’s still showing an interest while saying he’d be mad to commit to me. Why doesn’t he just leave me alone to heal and get on with my life?
Thank you for your help and guidance. this has happened to me before, but not on such a scale. I was let down after a matter of months, not years, after being promised the world. he just upped and left with no word of warning. This guy just won’t leave me alone and it really hurts being kept hanging on when he doesn’t really want me. I sound like Diana Ross!
Post # 34
@12yrslater: I feel for you. It’s horrible being messed around. Why do so many men drag their feet these days? My dad, who is 84, was married to my mum at age 19 and they stayed together. It was a different world back then and my parents have instilled these wonderful values in me that I am an old fashioned, traditional girl who just wants to be married to the man I love feel enjoy family life together. I’m also independent and work hard. i just don’t get it. I hope you found love with someone else now.
Post # 35
Stay strong! You deserve so much better than this. He’s not willing to commit, but he doesn’t want you moving on to someone better, so he’s just trying to drag you down with him. You’ll look back on him in a few years, think to yourself “what was I thinking?” and be happy you found someone better, who treats you well and doesn’t dangle commitment in front of you.
Post # 36
I just read several horrible texts from him and I’m shaking like a leaf. I have blocked him on my phone and on Twitter. I’m not on Facebook or anything else so he can’t get to me now. That’s it, I’m through with this man. Time to heal and eventually I will meet someone else and who knows, maybe my dream of having another child is not over.
Post # 37
@Tigerlily1973: Good for you!!! He doesn’t deserve you. And now that he’s sent you all those awful messages, he’s showing his true colors. No girl should ever get treated that way!
Post # 38
- Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo
@Tigerlily1973: I’m sorry to hear that his communication has gotten to the point where it’s making you react like that 🙁 men can be ever so weird and scary when they’ve been broken up with. *hugs* you seem like a wonderful strong woman and this is confirmation that you made the right choice.
wishing you all the best <3
Post # 39
@Tigerlily1973: Hang in there! The first few days and weeks are the toughest. I’m glad you are being true to your convictions.
Post # 40
@Tigerlily1973: That is awful that he is sending you nasty texts. Be thankful you were strong and smart enough to walk away! You don’t deserve that.
Post # 41
@Tigerlily1973: Geez, wouldn’t marry you if you were the last woman on earth? I don’t care if it was lashing out, honey, this is not a man you want to marry, even if he did offer a diamond ring.
I’m sorry, but everything you have said – the controlling, everything on his terms – this guy will make your life hellish if you ever did end up marrying him. He sounds like he loves manipulating people. I am so glad you are strong and left – but even if he comes grovelling back, you should stay gone, and find a real, better man!
ETA: read your most recent update – what a creep! I am so glad you are done with this jerk. Guess he is showing his real self now. You can, and will do so much better!
Post # 42
@Tigerlily1973: He sounds a bit manipulative honestly. Leading people on is a form of manipulation, but also trying to keep you dependent and bringing up your imperfections are forms of keeping you down and in your place, and ultimately happy with the very little he seems to be actually giving you.
Who knows? Maybe he needs to work on himself. Maybe he was burned by living with people before, but you have talked about your desires for 3 years. He’s had 3 years to tell you if they didn’t match up with his, and not just say what he thought you wanted hear to keep you around for what he wanted.
I would have a clean of a break as possible.
Post # 43
@GoldStar: yes he does have issues. He has no relationship with his mother. Something to do with her having mental health problems, erratic behaviour, lashing out at him when he was a child and rejecting him, turfing him out of the family home when he was 16. He will not let her in when she tries to make amends, she has scarred him. I think it’s why he’s always kept me at arms length. If ever I got upset re his lack of commitment and mixed messages, he would call me crazy and mental just like his mother. I’ve told him he needs to work on this issue but of course his reply was that he sorted himself out years ago and no longer has an issue with her.
Post # 44
Sounds to me like the only thing “wrong” with you is that YOU are way to good for HIM!
I’m sorry you’re going through this 🙁 Chin up buttercup!!
Post # 45
The ring won’t change his behaviour! He’s old enough to make the decision. At your age you need someone better, who really deserves you!
Post # 46
@Tigerlily1973: when I first read that you left due to awaiting 3 years I thought to myself “gee, 3 years is not too long at all” – I myself waited 6.5 (happy) years..
But then I read your story – and all of the lies and manipulation he put you through. I am so sorry for the emotional abuse this guy put you through! You did the right thing, no doubt, by leaving his pathetic manipulative ass. I just can’t wrap my mind around someone who treats someone who loves them so much the way he treated you, like you were not good enough or some BS. It’s one thing for someone to not be sure about lifelong commitments or too feel scared by pressure to marry – but it seems to me guy is guy purposely led you onto believe he had the best of intention and took advantage of your love and trust and used it to hurt and belittle you. Even if this asshat comes crawling back to you with a “diamond ring” I really hope you shut him down – you deserve better!