- 2 weeks ago
There are tonnes of posts on younger bees, in the late 20’s to mid-30’s age brackets, wondering when their SO is going to propose.
What about when you are waiting in your 40’s and STILL have hope to have a family within a loving and committed marriage?
Been with SO (36M) for almost 2 years now, living together in my apartment for 7 months, have done all the usual landmarks, met the family, friends, went on holidays, shared bills, shared cars, had the conversations about taking the next step, having a child – all of it.
It still hasn’t happened.
I certainly do not want to have to ‘convince’ my SO to propose – who want’s that? He appreciates the stage of life I am at but having discussed it all it’s like he has to be dragged into conversation about marriage. He constantly tells me he loves me, shows me in small ways and tells me he has no doubts about us whatsoever – but there is no action from him. NO discussion about rings, wedding, venues, nothing.
Common sense tells me that the reluctance with which SO demonstrates in discussing marriage and kids, is a major sign that – he just does not want what I want, or he does want it, but possibly with someone else – maybe someone ‘better’, down the road. My birthday is coming up in July, by which stage, without giving an actual ultimation to sh** or get of the pot, *I’ve made it clear* I want this situation to be in positive forward moving action to the next stage of our relationship.
Should I even wait the extra few months, do feelings really change in a matter of 2/3 months?
At this stage, as desolate as I know I would feel with him moving out and being without him completely, I am feeling that I need to cut my losses and move on to singlehood and the possibility of meeting someone new who wants the same things I want, or waiting it out until my personal July deadline for this relationship.
It is becoming harder and harder as the days go by, to stay with someone who, by not being forthcoming or decisive with his ‘plans’, does not see me as a person he needs to ‘take off the market’, so to speak.
What I want to avoid at all costs, is the situation that so many women find themselves in after years of waiting and being patient for their SO’s to see and act on their value, where he decides to step out of the comfort the relationship to someone new and after all our loving preparation – jumps into marriage with a new someone in 6 months. While the woman is left to restructure her life, usually at a much slower pace than the man who left.
Any other bees here who have been there & done that? Any bees here with positive outcomes and advice?
All advice is so completely welcomed and appreciated.