(Closed) Waiting for about 5 years, have been together 10. Do I give up? (long)

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 59
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I am so glad you all had a talk. Now what you also need to do is develop a backup plan. I know it’s not fun or romantic to think about, but what if he doesn’t propose? What will you do? If I was in your shoes, I would be prepared to move out. He knew it wsa important to you not to live together without an official commitment, so you can’t be willing to stay in that house any longer with the status quo.

Like so many other posters, I was the one who dated a man for a very long time. He talked a lot about being together forever and getting married, but always had excuses why it couldn’t happen now. After 6 years, I had run out of excuses to stay, and realized I wanted to get married as a “reward” for sticking the relationship out, and not because I wanted to spend my life with him. So I finally broke up with him. And then I became “That Girl,” when my commitment-phobic ex married his wife six months after meeting her for the first time.

Post # 60
Member
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

So glad that you guys had a talk and he gave you a firm timeline! I hope that everything goes as planned and that you come back to share your proposal story with us!  :o)

Post # 61
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

I know that other people seem skeptical, but I see a number of good things about your conversation.  First of all, your “wait” is basically over by the end of the year.  That in itself gives you some control over the future — it’s not just this endless abyss of waiting anymore.  You have an end date.  If he doesn’t propose by when he said he would, you can move out and get on with your life.  Second, he could very well propose.  Sometimes guys need nudges.  I can understand why you would not allow yourself to get emotionally worked up and excited over this.  It has been forever, and you’ve been up and down before.  You’re protecting yourself.  Until he actually proposes, I can see how you would just want to stay even keel.  At this point, see if he’s a man of his word and follows through on the things he’s promised.  If he doesn’t, then tell him you have learned that he is not a man of his word and have lost respect for him.  If he breaks his promises to you, then please move on because there are sooo many more possibilities out there for you with men who will be willing to treat you well.     

Post # 62
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee

Well, maybe I am in the minority but I feel like your talk was a good one. I know someone who was with a lady or 12 years before they married. I never thought how she felt until I clocked into my 30’s and I was one of the last of my friends to marry but had been with my BF the longest. Anyhow, I am glad that you now have a definite timeline. Just remember that it COULD be a month or two after. I know mine was. I was a bit sad and depressed…not going to lie. But it happened. And it will happen to you too. Just keep the faith. I’m still laughing at the teeth comment though.

Post # 63
Member
1334 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Hmm, sounds like it could go either way.  I don’t know that I would be all happy-yet.  Here’s why:  Danish people are considered some of the happiest in the world and the reason that they don’t have any expectation that things will go their way.  And so when it does, they’re really happy.

Sounds totally counter-intuitive but it’s really not when you think about. lol  They aren’t pessimists, they just don’t have high expectations.  So, take a page from the Danes.  Expect that you won’t get a proposal and you’ll have to move on. And when it does happen, you’ll be happily surprised:)

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