Waiting for almost a year

posted 3 weeks ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
2868 posts
Sugar bee

Don’t you have an alarm clock that will help you wake up and realize that guy has little, if no intention of marrying you? Excuse after excuse.  I would take this signs and bail out of this relationship.  You can do such much better.

Post # 17
Member
2040 posts
Buzzing bee

Even if he did propose I could see him backing out of the engagement just like he backed out of the house.

From all youve told us I gather that your bf is impulsive, irresponsible, selfish and fickle when it comes to big decisions.

If he can break multiple promises about engagement and sell a house after a month I wouldnt trust him to follow through on anything.

Time to move on

Post # 18
Member
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2020

Girl. No. Noooo. No no no.

It takes ZERO DOLLARS to get engaged. It’s as simple as, “We are going to get married soon.” That’s FREE. A ring is not required, travel is not required, an extravagant “proposal moment” is not required, an expensive dinner is not required, early deposits are not required. It’s a FREE VERBAL AGREEMENT.

Throw the whole man away. Take your power back. You deserve so much better than his bullshit stalling. 

Post # 19
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

The second he bought the car I would have 100% called him out if I was in your situation. I would have said, why did you feel it was appropriate to spend money on a new car that is a want not a need, instead of putting that money towards an engagement ring? And then that would jump start the conversation with him. It would be the LAST one I would have btw. Talk to him one more time. I would make it clear if I were you that you are fully aware he is blowing past the timeline and you aren’t pleased. That you want to be engaged in the next 2 months and that if he doesn’t follow through like he said he would that you are going to have to re evaluate the relationship and decide if you want a partner who breaks his word so often and isn’t prioritizing your couple goals. Have that talk with him TOMORROW OP. And don’t back down. 

Post # 20
Member
1185 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@teachingbee8:  OP has not been pressuring her boyfriend to propose – he has made at least three commitments to propose which he has then broken for no good reason.  And he ‘can’t afford’ an engagement ring, but he can afford a car that he doesn’t need.  

Please can we once and for all ditch this notion that women have to sit round waiting passively for the man to decide when marriage will happen?  Marriage should be a mutual decision between two adults, not something that the man decides is going to happen.

I have a friend who has been waiting for five and a half years for her boyfriend to be ‘ready’ for marriage.  During this time, she has put her career on hold, cancelled plans to travel and buy a house, all because boyfriend keeps saying he will propose when he is ‘ready’ and she doesn’t want to do anything to put him off.  She’s now unlikely to be able to ever have kids.  And she’s given all this up because she believes it is the woman’s role to wait for the man to ‘feel ready’ to propose.  I just really hope OP isn’t going to go down the same route. 

Post # 21
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee

I agree with the rest the best thing I’ve learned from this site 

 

WHY WOULD A WOMAN WANT TO MARRY SOMEONE WHO ISNT OVER THE MOON AND EXCITED TO MARRY THEM ?

 

like ariana grande says THANK YOU !!! NEXT !!!

Post # 22
Member
600 posts
Busy bee

Regardless of his financial situation or whether he WANTS to get engaged/married, or even whether he wants to marry you, this person is not ready to get married. I’m just getting an unsavory vibe here, bee. Like others have said, my partner wouldn’t make a huge financial decision like buying a house or car without consulting me first even when we were a full year away from actually being engaged. Engagement isn’t the beginning of a couple’s commitment to each other, it’s the result of said commitment, and commitment means transparency and cooperation in my book. He’s still seeing things from the perspective of just him. Where do you even factor in here?

Post # 23
Member
1438 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: USA

View original reply
@lovelyk12:  OP. why are you still hanging on? I know you love him… but he’s told you three times over the past year and half that he would propose…and then didn’t. That speaks volumes. No more lip service, OP. Every excuse out of his mouth means nothing at this point without a proposal to back it up. Even then… it may not feel authentic because of how hard you have had to push for this. His consistent inaction has shown you where his priorities lie. And his priority is not marrying you. 

Doing the right thing is rarely simple. It’s rarely easy. Doing the right thing hurts like HELL. But when you do the right thing, you’ll feel relieved. You’ll know that you made a correct judgement. A weight will lift off your chest. Listen to your gut. I think you know what to do. 

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