(Closed) waiting for commitment… article

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Haven’t read the article, but just wanted to say that 2 years seems shockingly short! My OH is in his 30s and we were together nearly 8 years before becoming engaged! Although I’ve loved him to pieces since day one, I don’t think I could have made a life-long commitment after being together for 2 years. However, every couple is different…

RainStorm. xx

Post # 4
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Your other post was very troubling and from that I really don’t think he’s treating you that well. Do you want to be with a commitment-phobe who seems like he’d blame you entirely if anything went wrong in his life? Rethinking that might be a good idea. At this point, I don’t think you should be worrying about the length of time so much as his behavior (which speaks volumes, to tell you the truth).

Post # 5
4546 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@RainStorm: If I recall correctly, the OP and her SO are in their 30’s? And there’s a child involved. If that’s what she feels she needs to do, more power to her. Every relationship is different. Some people don’t mind waiting while others do or have other reasons why they don’t want to wait past a specific timeline. There are also other issues involved, it seems.

Post # 6
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Honey NO.  NO NO NO.  Please go back and read the most recent comments in your other thread.   Your man goes way beyond the typical “commitmentphobe.”  Your man is an immature jerk.   It’s time to stop looking for things to justify staying with him. 

Post # 7
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I read the article, and from what I read in your other post, you seem to already be aware of his feelings. 

It’s different for every couple. Summary: My fiance and I were talking about marriage less than a year into our relationship, but we were both too young, and I wanted to at least graduate college first. Well, I graduated, and after 4 years of being in a relationship, I said I wanted to get married by a certain date. He kind of freaked out because he is the type that wants to be able to support me financially, yet he was/is not ready to do so. I explained to him that it could take years for him to be financially ready. What was important to me is that we vowed to stay together for better or for worse. I wanted the commitment and security. And so, we got engaged.

Anyway, I think it’s understandable for people to be afraid of commitment. It’s the fear of the unknown, which everyone has. But, the commitment-phobe needs to realize that nothing is ever going to be perfect. You never know what can happen. Some people just can’t accept that. They are afraid of losing what they have, so they don’t take the risk. 

Post # 8
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I completely agree with lezlers & Mrs Grape … your other post was disturbing in the fact that you have a child from a prior relationship, he’s thrown in your face, and makes no concessions for.  I understand he treats you better then you have ever been before, but that doesn’t mean he’s the one.   

I’d reconsider the entire relationship. 

Post # 9
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

well it sounds like you desperately want to stay so no one here is going to change your mind.  But know he that will not marry you, and even if he does it wont be for the right reasons and he will likely treat your son like a second class citizen.  I think you can do better but either way Good Luck.

Post # 10
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

It’s true you need to put your son first.  I’m not sure what effect a resentful stepfather could have on an autistic child, but I’m sure it wouldn’t be good.  Children are exceptionally intuitive, you’d be surprised over the feelings and emotions they can pick up on. 

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