Waiting for engagement is causing resentment and anxiety

posted 5 months ago in Waiting
Post # 46
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

beekind10 :  “but still seems not to have anything planned”  Bee how would you know if he has anything planned? He is going to surprise you, why on earth would he tell you?. Your going to end up ruining the surprise if you dont leave this alone I promise you. It bothers you that he sees you so stressed about it and still hasn’t done anything about and in the next breathe you say but I wouldn’t want him to do it just to appease you. So what do you want? Your totally stressing yourself out. 

Post # 48
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

beekind10 :  I always think someone should never “play wife” with a man who doesn’t have a clear plan in place to propose. I had a friend who was with her boyfriend for 5 years- moved in together after 1 year. She played wife, doing his laundry, cleaning up after him and the apartment, cooking for him all the time, making him lunch. He always said “I have a plan.”

Before you know it, he started the “but what’s marriage? A piece of paper? We’re basically married now!” he never proposed and after 3 long years of resentment, emotional stress, anger, she finally left him and is happily married to someone else now.

if he still stringing you along for no good explanation, he’s either not ready for commitment or you are not the one. I wouldn’t need spend much more time beating a dead horse if he can’t figure it out.

Don’t play wife without being one because some men will take advantage.

Post # 49
Member
6 posts
Newbee

I know what you’re going through. I’m approaching the middle of a six month timeframe and have been hearing (I have a plan) for a long time. I went through a phase of major anxiety and resentment, sometimes including crying and pestering. I am a planner, and this is the one thing in our life I have no or little control over. The best advice I can give you is to let the timeline give you peace. He said it, he probably meant it. If he doesn’t stick with it, then permit yourself to be upset and confront him. Until then, tell yourself to trust him, try to enjoy this phase of anticipation and make it exciting (hard, I know) rather than stressful. Throw yourself into things you enjoy and, if you want, so some preliminary planning on Pinterest and make a list of venues, etc. the thing I’ve found that actually helps me the most when I start to go down the road of wondering when he’s going to ask is I make it about him. I research what I might want the ring I get him to look like, what I’ll say in my vows, etc. recently I’ve been pondering having an engagement gift ready for him. I think this helps for a few reasons: it gives me something to think about that I can control and it recenters my mind into what’s most important: how much I love the man I’m spending my life with, the fact that I know he’s going to make this magical for me, and wondering what special things I can do for him as we celebrate moving into the next phase of our life. I know that may not work for everyone, but it’s whats working for me at the moment.  

 

The other thing I’ve learned is that I don’t gain anything from the pestering or crying when it happens. I just have the “I’m ruining it” feeling that you mentioned. So the positive distractions are the way to go, in my opinion. 

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