(Closed) Waiting for engagement proposal – Am I being unreasonable?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 61
Member
964 posts
Busy bee

I wanted to say, be very careful of the grudging proposal. I don’t know what his end game is here – does he need your income on the mortgage application to get the kind of house he wants, for instance? – but this how I see this playing out. You talk to him and tell him you need to be engaged before you’ll buy a house with him. He buys you a $200 ring and basically drops it in your lap with a version of ‘There. Are you happy now?’ and then slides the mortgage papers over for you to sign.

You have some magical thinking where an engagement is concerned. You know he can break the engagement or just never follow through with an actual wedding, right? Being engaged to him, at this point and with his attitude, is not a binding commitment. Practically speaking, you would be no further ahead than you are now. So say he gives in. Say he realizes the only way he can get you on board with a mortgage is to propose to you. Not because he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you and have a family with you, mind you, but because he wants a house. How do you see things playing out after that super-romantic proposal? Once he has what he wants – the house – and you no longer have any pull, do you see him eagerly jumping on board with your wants? How much work and teeth-pulling will it take to set a date? Plan a wedding? Plan to conceive? Do you see your married life as being true partners who will compromise and share all the shitty times as well as the good? Cuz I don’t even know him and I see him as being ‘You’re the one who wanted kids so bad, you look after them’ while he takes off all the time to indulge his own passions and hobbies.

Take an evening to really think about how your future with him will look. Don’t sugar coat or fool yourself. Be real. This is your life. When you picture the future the way things really are, how does that look?

Post # 62
Member
2403 posts
Buzzing bee

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interchangeable:  This is true OP. Read this and take it to heart.

Post # 63
Member
2730 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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interchangeable:  where have you been lately?!?! Oh how I’ve missed your spot on advice!

Post # 64
Member
2762 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Honey, he’s an ass. 

He gets the forever smiling, always mindful of him, supportive, considerate, no angel but certainly a good partner, live in ever present sexual partner, that caters to his financial/emotional/mental and sexual needs and gets what in return? The HOPE (not even the promise, mind you) of a future together IF certain conditions are met? No. No way José. 

Hes got you thinking backwards too. He’s got you thinking that you’re getting the better end of this deal. You’re not Bee. You’re getting the raw end actually.

So, I’m with PPs. Plan your exit strategy and when you leave definitely go out with a bang:

“I have never given you cause to doubt me, my love for you or my commitment to this relationship. I’ve never given you that infamous 1% of doubt that would’ve made you question whether or not marrying me was the right thing to do. You, however, have showed me that you’re an inconsiderate, cruel narcissistic man who cannot keep his word or follow through with what HE said he would do. Your word lacks substance and your character leaves a lot to be desired in terms of a successful romantic partnership. Thank you for helping me wake up to the fact that I should have never been auditioning for the role of your wife. I should’ve been looking more carefully at whether or not I wanted a husband like you. I don’t. Good bye.”

Post # 66
Member
10001 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

 

if you make me doubt you, even 1%, I will not propose to you’.

Well, that does it for me OP ,and I hope for  you too. What does he think you are, a child  being importunate  for an  ice cream !?  Fuck that.

 

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