- 5 years ago
I wanted to say, be very careful of the grudging proposal. I don’t know what his end game is here – does he need your income on the mortgage application to get the kind of house he wants, for instance? – but this how I see this playing out. You talk to him and tell him you need to be engaged before you’ll buy a house with him. He buys you a $200 ring and basically drops it in your lap with a version of ‘There. Are you happy now?’ and then slides the mortgage papers over for you to sign.
You have some magical thinking where an engagement is concerned. You know he can break the engagement or just never follow through with an actual wedding, right? Being engaged to him, at this point and with his attitude, is not a binding commitment. Practically speaking, you would be no further ahead than you are now. So say he gives in. Say he realizes the only way he can get you on board with a mortgage is to propose to you. Not because he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you and have a family with you, mind you, but because he wants a house. How do you see things playing out after that super-romantic proposal? Once he has what he wants – the house – and you no longer have any pull, do you see him eagerly jumping on board with your wants? How much work and teeth-pulling will it take to set a date? Plan a wedding? Plan to conceive? Do you see your married life as being true partners who will compromise and share all the shitty times as well as the good? Cuz I don’t even know him and I see him as being ‘You’re the one who wanted kids so bad, you look after them’ while he takes off all the time to indulge his own passions and hobbies.
Take an evening to really think about how your future with him will look. Don’t sugar coat or fool yourself. Be real. This is your life. When you picture the future the way things really are, how does that look?