(Closed) waiting for first time after marriage but worried!

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 17
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@myweddingbee:  The first time is usually not one that people loko forward to. There is a chance that if you and your Fiance have fooled around, you may not experience the hurt. But there may be a little bit of a pinch if you haven’t experienced any sort of penetration. It’ll go away and make way for pleasure, but people don’t usually experience a ton of grandour their first time. Mine was “eh”…It was enjoyable, but in no way great. But I can say that by the time I met my Fiance and had ‘practice’, it has only gotten better πŸ˜‰ And with him, he was the first and only I’ve ever loved, and it made it that much greater.

Post # 18
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@myweddingbee:  i hate to join the illusion shatterers but lower your expectations.


a lot.


it will probably hurt. 


it might bleed.


it will probably last about 2 seconds.

all of the above will probably persist the second, third, fourth time.  i think the experience was finally painless for me around the 8th time.

i remember seeing a facebook group once upon a time (like when facebook groups were a thing) called “I’m saving myself for passionate, mindblowing honeymoon sex.”…. the mindblowing part just doesn’t seem realistic to me…

nothing wrong with waiting.  but please don’t be another one of those people who thinks there is something wrong with themselves, their partner, or sex in general just because the early parts of your sexual years suck.








Post # 20
8037 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@myweddingbee:  Don’t expect it to be great right away. That’s a common mistake. It’s something that takes practice.

He’ll likely “finish” really soon, you may be in a little bit of pain, etc. You just have to keep practicing.

I suggest doing lots of foreplay (sounds like you have some practice with that), and get some lube.

Post # 21
1176 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Have a glass of wine, lower your expectations, and use lube. And since you’re going to need lots of practice to get any good at it, drink cranberry juice. Awkward honeymoon sex won’t ruin your honeymoon, but honeymoon cystitis is a bit of a drag.

Post # 22
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Be sure you know what makes you orgasm beforehand.  Vaginal penetration usually doesn’t on its own lead to orgasm.  I would be very sad to wait that long for sex and not climax . . . .

Edit:  I mean not climax at some point on my honeymoon.  Maybe not the first time. 

Post # 23
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

@geekspice:  Yes!  Cranberry juice.  And pee immediately after you have sex.  Urinary tract infections are very common when you first start having sex.  You don’t want one on your honeymoon.

Post # 24
1597 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

First, don’t expect it to hurt. My first time didn’t hurt at all. It didn’t even feel weird. And I honestly don’t know anyone whose first time DID hurt. I know it happens, but it’s not inevitable, especially if you’ve fooled around before.

Just try not to think about it too much. I know that sounds ridiculous and impossible, but just focus on the wedding day, having fun, and being with your fiance/husband. Whatever happens, happens. If you go all the way, great! If not, it’s okay to take things slowly.

As long as you love each other and trust each other and are patient with one another, you’ll be fine, whether you knock it out of the park your first time or you have to try, try again.

Practice makes perfect!







Post # 25
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@bluegreenjean:  +1000! Go pee immediately after every time you have intercourse! You might not be prone to UTI’s, but if you are you do NOT want to be dealing with that on your honeymoon!

I also really, really recommend the book The Guide to Getting it On by Paul Joannides. Particularly the chapter on your first time. You and your fiance should read it.  It’s really non-judgemental, actually very fun to read, and includes tons of good information! I’ve read it cover to cover, and I learned a ton. 

Post # 26
5188 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@myweddingbee:  honey, it’s going to be golden.  You are so lucky to be marrying another virgin. He’s a keeper. For some people it hurts and for some it doesn’t. The trick  Is a lot of foreplay to get you going. When you hit that moment when it’s time to let him know you’re ready. Go slow, don’t expect instant gratification upon insertion. 

Post # 31
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@myweddingbee:  Cranberry juice helps with UTIs. 

Like others have said, just take your time and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Honestly, actual penetration isn’t even my favorite part of sex. It’s just another thing to do and, like others have said, a lot of women don’t orgasm from it. Do lots of foreplay. If you don’t get super wet on your own, use lube. Go slow & if it’s not working or frustrating, just chill and try again later. A lot of guys can get so nervous that they’ll lose their erections while trying to figure out what to do. If he’s not totally hard, just do whatever it is you guys like to do and wait for it to come back. 

Seriously… even though you guys have been together and done “stuff”, it’s probably going to be awkward. Talk about it. Be prepared for it so it isn’t a huge disappointment when it’s not all butterflies and fireworks. πŸ™‚ You guys have your whole lives to get it perfect…. and you will. 

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