Waiting for him to propose

posted 1 month ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

tess90 :  you say you’re happy being proposed to on the couch but actually you need the dream proposal. Which is it? It’s fine to express your wishes but he can still choose to propose in a different way, so is that actually OK? Are you just pretending you’ll be happy with that?

So in the last 6 months you’ve had 3 conversations about getting married? Is that when the timeline of 12 months was given and you would now be 6 months until the end of the timeline? By the way 3 conversations about your future in 6 months is not talking about it too much, especially when you’re planning. That’s talking about something once every two months. We are planning on gettinng another dog next year and then starting a family, we have had more than 3 conversations on that over the last 6 months. Talking about something 40 years from now 3 times in 6 months might be talking about it too much. Do you feel he gets exasperated about talking about the future?

Post # 4
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I would say try to relax and stop trying to control when he proposes!  You have given him a lot of time requirements, it seems like, but his timeline wishes matter too!  He respected that you didn’t want to get engaged after 1.5 years, and then when you were ready for it, he gave you a very reasonable timeline for proposing.  Now let him do his thing!!  You know it’s coming, and you don’t need to keep having conversations with him about exactly when.  

Post # 6
Member
34 posts
Newbee

I was exactly in your position about 18 months ago. I nagged my boyfriend for information and wanted details because, honestly, I didn’t believe or trust that it would happen. It actually put a lot of tension on our relationship and pushed the proposal back!

My advice is, decide on an acceptable timeline for yourself… i.e. you’d be happy if he did it in the next.. 6-12 months? How long exactly? Discuss that with him and come to a compromise together, then trust him. Don’t freak out, don’t keep asking. If he says it will happen within X months, try to believe it, and let it happen. Tell him your ring size, tell him exactly the ring that you like, and that you want it to be a surprise. Then stop and let him do it!

If it gets to the end of your agreed timeline and it’s still not happened, then you can start planning what you’ll do next. Until then, relax Bee because this sort of thing can not only destroy the surprise proposal but has potential to destroy the relationship too. 

Post # 8
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

honestly girl… you really need to give him a break! He has given you a TON of good signs and positive reinforcement. He agreed on the general timeline, messaged your brother about it, inquired about your ring wishes and size, and booked a special trip in january. lol. 

I know from my own experience that a lot goes on behind the scenes to get the ring and arrange a proposal, ontop of regular life stuff and work/business. If you keep asking him about it, you’ll be putting too much pressure on him/your relationship and possibly ruin your own surprise. Try to stop thinking about it if you can. 🙂 

Post # 9
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

I think he might have everything planned! So try your best to be patient, the proposal will come and I’m sure he’ll make it soooo special

Post # 12
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2021

I think you’re WAY overthinking it. Don’t worry unless you get to the end of the timeline you agreed upon. If my partner gave me until say, June to do something, then was freaking out it wasn’t done by January, that would be very annoying to be honest. 

he probably has a plan. Let him enact that plan. If he wants to do things slowly and it sounds thoroughly, let him. The proposal is the guys “big moment”, the thing they get to plan completely themselves,  let him have this. 

Post # 14
Member
1270 posts
Bumble bee

It doesn’t sound like he has anything planned yet…or at least he doesn’t have a ring yet.

I’m not sure why you say you were surprised and disappointed when he just now started the process of researching rings. You’re not even close to the end of the timeline you guys discussed so idk why you’re upset.

You assumed he already had a ring even though you said you know him and he asks a million questions before buying you gifts and making big purchases to make sure he gets it right. So it sounds perfectly acceptable and in his nature to start asking you about it now. You assumed that he had a ring already because he was smiling during the conversation…I think you are reading into things and seeing what you want to see.

If you weren’t okay with the length of the timeline you shouldn’t have said you were. Furthermore, it seems that you have given him mixed messages, both with the timeline and with your proposal preferences. You said he could propose to you on the couch and you’d be fine with that but then you say you’re stressed be if he doesn’t propose on your ideal way on the beach in January you don’t think it will happen for awhile. In this way you’re insinuating that he can’t propose any other way. Do you see how that’s confusing? 

He may propose on the trip or he may not. Who knows? But if you really need it to happen sooner than the end of the timeline you already agreed on then have a conversation with him after the trip in January if it doesn’t happen then.

I think you need to manage your expectations with this or you’re going to end up disappointed.

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