- 3 weeks ago
Long time lurker…love reading your stories and finally want to post and have a light-hearted chat.
This forum seems to be the best place to vent and speculate about such topics that won’t interest some or most of my friends at the moment:)
FYI: English is not my first language. I am from Europe, my SO is from North America (don’t want to be too specific). We’ve known each other for 4 years, together 3. Long story short: my SO wanted to get married earlier that I did, I was hesitant to marry after dating for just 1.5 years (personal reasons) but then we kind of stopped talking about. Overall we have a wonderfull relationship and I feel blessed… Encouraged and inspired by the bees’ stories on here I decided to have a talk with him 3-4 months ago because I am definitely ready now and have been ready for a long while to get engaged. So why wait and be resentful? I thought it would happen naturally but we never really discussed the timelines. We just knew we wanted kids before I turn 33 (28 now, he is 34) and get married eventually. A little bit about my SO: he is loving, has a great career, main breadwinner in the family, has a lot of hobbies, has a wonderful family and is literally loved and respected by everyone he meets. I am a little but less extroverted and I am less career-oriented. I work part-time and help him with his business projects.
So we had the talk and SO said that he would propose within the next 12 months. He didn’t take time to think about it, he just blurted it out. During the talk he looked very happy, smiling non-stop but not really talking much (not characteristic of him) I politely explained to him that this timeline doesn’t work for me due to some of the travel I have to do and other circumstances (too long to explain) and I would prefer if it happened a little bit earlier (especially if he was ready a while ago, money is not the issue either). He said he will think about it and smiled. This guy takes his sweet time when it comes to buying anything and he is very detail-oriented so I was a little bit upset when he didn’t ask for my ring size or the style of the ring I wanted. It’s just not him to act this way, with any other gifts he would ask soo many questions…I expressed my concern why he isn’t really interested in it and he said “definitely tell me what you want and send me some photos of the rings”. Then he mentioned something along the lines that he knew what I wanted… but how? I sent him the photos and then he messeged his brother (who lives in a different country) that he is getting enagaged next year. He phrased it differently, saying something like: stag party is coming of whatever…Looking very excitied. Next day we had a long talk about possible wedding plans (very general though)
We both want a small wedding but he knows that I’ve always wanted a special proposal (any would do really but I did mention a couple times that my dream proposal would be on the beach). We are going on a trip in January which we usually never do (we travel in summer, autumn and spring but never in winter as it is a busy season for him). However, he decided to travel in winter this time and I was onboard with it of course as I love travelling any time of the year. I decided to check in with him 1 month ago and asked him if we were still on the same page about the proposal. He said yes but again didn’t elaborate… he did look nervous but jokingly said – I will propose to you on the island (the place where we are going) but why would he say that if that was true? If he wants to surpise me like he said…He is a very smart guy so that just doesn’t make sense why he would say it like that. A while back he also mentioned it could happen in spring but we are not going anywhere this spring. In summer I am going to Europe and want to see my family who I see very rarely so realistically if it doesn’t happen on this trip and probably won’t happen for another year if he wants to stick to the “dream proposal plan” and he is such a prefectionist. I wouldn’t mind him proposing on the couch but it’s definitely not his style. I don’t think he would do something like that.
We quickly spoke about the ring a couple weeks ago. I jokingly said where it is and he answered, “it is not here” so I am not sure what that means. Does this mean that he bought it and he keeps it in his safe at work (which would make more sense for him as it would be hard to hide it at home) or it means “it’s not here, it’s not anywhere” Like I said, English is not my first language and I am not sure maybe I misunderstood it. The phone rang and I didn’t get to ask him and then I was like whatever but now I am thinking about it more…lol it’s so stupid I know. We already talked about it way to much during the last half a year (probably 3 conversations)
He knows I wanted to get married before I turn 30 (timeline we agreed on) but if he doesn’t propose soon it will be hard to orchestrate it even though we only want a destination wedding…I just don’t see how it could work unless we just get married in city hall and then have our destination wedding + honeymoon later (which is also fine with me).
What are your thoughts, bees? Again I just wanted to let it all out. I know it’s a safe place to talk about stuff like that and would like to hear your stories too.