Post # 1
my SO and I have been living together for 3 years. We have gone through very hard times and good times together. We’ve been on vacations together. We know all there is to know about one another. We are both finishing up school and I just received a great job offer which will help pay off our debt, however, I do not want to pay off his debt nor sign another lease or get a house without a ring on my finger. I’ve brought up marraige quite a bit this year and when I do he’s like “can we not talk about this today” or “save it for tomorrow”, but when I bring it up the next day he just doesn’t want to communicate about it. I’ve made it very clear that I would like to get married within the next year. Another thing, I’m the only one that brings it up and he doesn’t seem excited about it. I even offered to pay for my ring because I’m ready for this to happen! Lately I feel like he doesn’t even want to marry me he just says what I want to hear. At this point I just don’t feel good enough. maybe I should find someone else .. Someone who WANTS to marry me. Why do guys have such a hard time with marraige? We have been acting married for 3 years he should know by now what he wants. If he wants me to stay I need validation. I need to know that he thinks I am good enough. I need to know that he thinks of me as more than gf material. ive been to all his families holiday parties and it just sucks watching his family members date someone for a year and get married and the family obsesses over their new members while I’m sitting on the back burner waiting to be good enough
This topic was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by amberrrrrr.
Post # 2
Oh, I am so sorry you’re going through this. My fiance and I had been together 7 years before we got engaged but our circumstances were different because we are high school sweethearts, so for us the long wait was appropriate. I would say you definitely need to have a very honest conversation but it sounds like he doesn’t want to talk about it. The last thing you want to do is to pressure him into getting married if he doesn’t want to. My fiance and I had some arguments over this too before we got engaged and it helped to get down to the bottom of why he didn’t want to propose at the time. For him it was that he felt we were too young and he was worried about what others would think and about finances at that stage in our life. It really helped to have an honest talk about it. Maybe you need to really think about whether or not you want to wait for him anymore and put your foot down and talk about it with him. I’m sorry you’re going through this!!
Post # 3
I know exactly how you are feeling. We have been together 6 years, living together for 3. We have been arguing about it lately because I’m completely in the dark about what his plans are. He says October but who really knows. In your case it could be 2 reasons he don’t talk about it. 1. He wants it to be a surprise or 2. He isn’t ready. I agree you both need to have a open conversation about it regardless of how awkward it is. If you both love each other you should be able to at least have some sort of timeline. It will put ur mind at ease. Good luck bee.
Post # 4
I find both sides of the story pretty understandable. While you have been together 3 years, if you have been finishing up school, etc that probably wasn’t an ideal time for either of you to get married. I can totally understand how he may want some level of stability for you before making the commitment.
At the same time, I feel it is concerning that he wants to delay and delay. It may be a good time for a future vision talk, to see where you really feel on these issues, aside strictly from marriage.
Post # 5
My mother would always postpone conversations with “we’ll talk about it later”- and later never came. I’d bring it up again and again and she’d avoid and postpone until I dropped the subject— or until it was the 11th hour of a deadline and she had no choice but to deal with it. And it’s not like she spent all that postponed time thinking about the issue, nope, those 11th hour decisions were just as rash as they would have been on day 1. Only difference is she wasted everyone’s time and pissed me off in the process. *DEEP BREATH* So PLEASE learn from my history! Don’t let anyone play stupid procrastination games with you! Don’t be afraid to confront him, you deserve an answer.
Post # 6
So recently he’s been postponing talking about marriage but have you discussed it before this and has he showed interest? Men are weird indeed. We as females know what we want and see no reason to wait years to accomplish the end result.
Hold old are you? My fiance’s 35 and 27 and he wasn’t ready for marriage until our third year of dating! That was a year too long to wait, but now that I think about it our third year of dating was year we ended up learning and experiencing so much together.
It’s up to you whether you want to break up and find someone new or ask him to lay out a timeline for you. Don’t act desperate though cause that’s huge turn-off! I’m old school so let him propose to you!!
Post # 7
“We have been living together for 3 years. I am not going to pay off your debt or sign another lease or get a house before we’re engaged. I’m the only one that brings up marriage, and you don’t seem excited about it. I even offered to pay for the ring. At this point I just don’t feel good enough. I feel bad going to your family gatherings and watching your family members date someone for a year and get married while I’m sitting on the back burner waiting to be good enough. We need to come up with a timeline, or you need to be honest and let me know if you don’t want to marry me.”