Waiting for Proposal agony

posted 5 months ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
2918 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

So to recap you basically got 0 answers from him after initiating 2 discussions and he just became frustrated with you for not accepting his 0 answers.    What exactly has to be “sorted out” by him?  You’ve basically told him you’ll accept being his live in gf indefinitely and  baby mama if he remains unwilling to marry you. So no impetus there for him if nothing changes. … Bring it up as often as you want but clearly it’s not a subject he is interested in discussing. …

Post # 3
Member
682 posts
Busy bee

He’s dragging his feet. If he wanted to marry you, he would make it happen. Time to decide what you really want and if you’ll *really* be ok not marrying him. 

Post # 4
Member
216 posts
Helper bee

I agree; “let’s see what happens” is another phrase men give you to avoid giving an actual answer. You say he’s a very laid back guy, so there’s probably nothing big to motivate him, especially since he’s younger. He probably thinks he has plenty of time. If he doesn’t, best let him know soon.

Post # 5
Member
1973 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

cbee1989 :  If you truly do not plan on leaving him, regardless of if you ever marry him, then I wouldn’t bring it up again. What’s the point? If he does, he does; if he doesn’t, he doesn’t. You’re not going to leave regardless, and you’ve already talked to him twice with no concrete response from him. 

Post # 6
Member
916 posts
Busy bee

Bee it sounds like you are giving yourself the short end of the stick here. If marriage is important to you, then it is important to you. Don’t comprimise and accept whatever he is offering. As others have said, he gave you zero reassurance about your future. I suggest meeting with a third party to hash out what your expectations and what he is willing to do or not do. Don’t settle. If marriage is important to you, should should have that. 

Post # 7
Member
1679 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

You need to be clear on what you want and how long you’re willing to wait for it.  If he is truly commited he should be able to give you a reasonable time frame.  As a matter of fact, that is exactly the discussion you two should have. “Some day/soon/let’s see what happens” are NOT acceptable answers.  They’re avoidance answers….buy me some time answers….shut her up answers…..don’t let him get away with that.  He’s either ready for it now or he’s not and if not, how much time exactly will he need?

Its okay if he’s not ready for marriage.  Its NOT okay to expect you to wait around forever until he decides when and if he’s ready.  Remember this is YOUR future too bee.  Don’t make it solely his job to make those decisions.

Post # 8
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

This sounds exactly like my husband and I. I would want to talk about it and have a set timeline, but he didn’t have that in mind. I was waiting for over 2 years, together for 4. Fast forward to last week where we had a wonderful courthouse wedding! No formal engagement, but we were both happy with the decision. If I had listened to all the bees saying dump him I wouldnt be married right now 

Post # 9
Member
215 posts
Helper bee

I am probably of unpopular opinion haha but I say just wait a few months to a year now and see what happens.  

You told him you are ready now and he knows you are okay splitting the ring. It takes time to research rings and save (if he hasn’t already.. which I am guessing with how laid back he is that he hasn’t). Maybe in a few months (if he doesn’t on his own) ask how goes his “sorting stuff out” and if you can go see rings together so you can get sized and he can see what sorts of things you like. Did you ask what he needs to sort out when he brought that up? 

Just breath and continue to live your life in the meantime. You know your boyfriend best and if he keeps good on his word or follows through. You said you are happy with him regardless so you need to trust him a little bit. It is so easy to get the “waiting resentment” lol especially with reading the threads here. 

Post # 10
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

I agree — it’s unfair he’s giving you no answer. An affirmation & a timeline will not ruin the surprise or joy of a proposal.

Last night, I overheard my girlfriend mention my I’ll-propose-by-this-date deadline that I gave her just over a year ago. Listening to the giddy joy in her voice as she caught up with a friend she hasn’t seen in awhile, was a BIG reminder to me how much she is reassured by knowing, very clearly, my intentions.

Knowing she feels loved and secure — and isn’t in agony worrying/waiting/wondering is the most important thing to me, as I get my sh*t together to propose. Shouldn’t it be to him too?

 

 

Post # 11
Member
1214 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

cbee1989 :  I think you’re being too polite with him here- with all the discussions you’ve had, you still haven’t actually addressed what your timeline is, and that has given him a hell of a lot of leeway here. You need to have one final, stern conversation and tell him that his answer of “let’s see what happens” is unacceptable- you have already seen what happens. You moved in, you got a dog, you bought a house together. What more is there before he decides he’s “ready”?? Please, ask him this. If it’s not financial, what is it? You’ve already ruled that one out. It’s time to get married. It’s been 4 years FFS. I’d tell him, if you don’t want to marry me right now, you’ll never want to marry me. If you want to prove me wrong you’ll have to give me some kind of concrete answer I can relate to. 

Post # 12
Member
1099 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

Set a timeline… a firm one. 

Ex: by the end of summer, before Xmas, before the new year. 

During that time take him ring shopping, or peruse online together. Check-in every now and then, “hey babe, just making sure that we’re on track for our (insert date here) timeline.”

Do not let him make you feel guilty for wanting these things, you deserve them… you’re in a partnership. Engagement isn’t something you as a woman earn, it’s a step you take as a couple. 

 

There must be something in the water cause there are a lot of posts like this today! You’re not alone. 

Post # 13
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

 

chitownyogini :  “Engagement isn’t something you as a woman earn, it’s a step you take as a couple. “

 

good words.

Post # 15
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2024

I am going through the exact same, except been together longer and it’s destroyed our relationship now. Tell him you want an exact timeline if it’s going to happen. If not, decide if you’re truly happy with that. Don’t wait around and build resentment, it’s already started. It will ruin your relationship and overall feeling about the engagement. 

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