Waiting for results from fertility clinic

posted 2 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
829 posts
Busy bee

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. TTC is such a hard process. I don’t have much to give in advice but just wanted to sympathize and let you know you’re being heard. 

I’m sure anyone who struggles to concieve considers adoption and I feel you on the whole it takes forever and costs an arm and a leg thing. Just know you’re not alone and one day you’re going to be a mom. It’s all just the how. 🙂

Post # 3
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

TiggersMitts :  You have such kind words.

OP- keep your chin up and positive thoughts always! keep up posted!

Post # 4
Member
14966 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with your husband.  Try not to drive yourself crazy and think too many steps ahead.  It’s nice to have a general idea of what you might do if this or that, but don’t obssess too much about figuring it all out.  Besides, what you think you might do in any given situation could be totally different than what you will actually do when you are really *in* the position to make a decision.  (If that made any senses at all).

Are you open to donor sperm?  It would probably be a much quicker and less expensive than an adoption.

Post # 8
Member
18 posts
Newbee

My phone is being a real jerk about letting me reply to this post for some reason so I’ll keep it short. 

Going the donor route, so I totally feel you in this. I don’t think it’s shallow to want your kids to look like you, my Darling Husband has red hair which also apparently isn’t a thing in the donor banks we were told to use. I know my darker hair genes would probably crush the red haired ones anyway, but I wanted the chance to try! Especially since Darling Husband sister has an adorable red haired baby. 

Hope the biopsy works out for you, and good luck in whatever path you need to take to make your family 🙂

Post # 9
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

First of all, I want to say I really hope your doctor finds sperm and you are able to have a child using your husband’s sperm.  Fingers crossed for you!

Second, take what I say with a grain of salt, because I have not been in this particular situation myself.  

If it were me, I would pick donor sperm before adoption by a longshot.  Just the fact that you don’t have the huge expense, possible bio parents changing their minds, and you get to carry the child yourself.  But adoption is wonderful too, so I am by no means discouraging anyone who chooses to take that journey.  Silly idea though:  Because you will probably never find a donor who is a replica of your husband, what if you let your husband pick the donor without your input?  Then he would have a sense of control and a sense that he is contributing something to the baby by making that choice.  If it were me, I would feel guilty trying to choose a donor because it would feel weirdly like cheating or replacing my husband.  But if he was choosing, it would feel more like a gift he was picking out for me and our family-to-be.  Just a random thought.  And again, I am not in the situation so perhaps I would feel differently than I think I would.   

Post # 10
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I just wanted to pop in and wish you both good tidings. I hope the test provides positive results as it sounds like that would be the best outcome for you.

As for going down the donor route as an alternative; you’re not shallow for wanting the DNA to replicate Darling Husband as closely as possible. I don’t suppose you have a BIL?! Whatever will be will be. This may be a lot smoother than you’re anticipating. Just take it one step at a time and together you’ll get there.

Post # 11
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Saru0211 :  This sounds like such a tough situation.  I think as you get more information and do more investigating, then you’ll get a good feeling about how to proceed.  I like the idea   pearlrose : suggested about letting your husband choose a donor if you go that route.  As for telling your kid and family, I wouldn’t worry about telling the kid. If you start early and talk about it then it won’t be weird and if anything it just shows how loved/wanted the kid was.  And hand picked to boot.  As for family, that depends on your family.  Hopefully they are open minded and supportive.  I would look on facebook or other infertility forums for a “donor sperm” group if you decide to proceed down that road.  It might help answer some of your questions.  Best of luck with the test results and whatever you decide to do moving forward.  

Post # 13
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Hugs!

Post # 14
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Is there a chance they could discover why he has no sperm and do something to change that?  Or is there truly nothing that can be done? I hope you are both able to find peace with whatever you ultimately decide.

Post # 15
Member
9578 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

Saru0211 : I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine what you’re processing right now. *hugs*

Remember that, his DNA or not, any baby you bring in to this world together and raise together will be his baby and your baby–not someone elses.

Perhaps you may prefer to consider adopting a frozen embryo?  It costs about the same as IVF to do that, but in this case it’s neither your nor his DNA–perhaps that changes something for you? 

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