(Closed) Waiting for SIL to conceive before we TTC?

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I may be insensitive, but I don’t think you have to wait to start TTC for anyone. I don’t even think you have check with her to see if she’s cool with it- when you and your husband begin trying is none of her buisness and if she’s any kind of person she’ll be happy for you (if that’s impossible for her, she may need to talk to someone). Unfortunatley, she has hurdles in front of her- but there are alternatives in the event she can not concieve.

Post # 4
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

First off, TTC when YOU and YOUR husband feel ready…if that’s before her, then so be it.  Secondly, she needs to speak to a professional if she’s ending up in tears when a friend gets pregnant.  She may have fertility issues since she has hypothyroidism and PCOS (I have the first and it does affect ovulation, my sister has the 2nd and doesn’t get periods very often).  Regardless, parenting isn’t a competition–those who think that are clearly not ready to be parents.

Post # 5
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t think it’s fair for you to wait to start ttc. Esp since your sil has so many medical problems that could make her ttc last a long time. I think you should have an open discussion with her, about it and hopefully she will understand. If you want a baby as much as she does I don’t understand what issues she could have with it. She should hopefully understand that as important as it isto her starting her own family you and your husband do as well.

Best of Luck!

Post # 6
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

This seems so hard! 

My advice would be to talk to your sister about it and express your feelings. Tell her about how awesome it would be to raise your children together and prepare for the birth together, etc. Ultimately, I don’t think I would wait very long to start TTC so that it wouldn’t hurt someone else.

Post # 7
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’m not in a similar situation, but I don’t think you ‘owe’ it to her to wait to TTC.  You are your husband are starting your family together and now that means you want to have children.  I think she may be hurt, but don’t think it it realistic at all for you to wait for her. 

Post # 8
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I do not have kids, nor am I TTC, but I live with my sister while she was and it can be a very hard time if it is difficult to do so.  A few of her friends got pregnant while she was still trying and she did get upset, but it didn’t ditract from her happiness and support of her pregnant friends, it was just private hurt/pain.

Your SIL should be happy for you if you do get pregnant, and she will be hurt, but it shouldn’t be directed towards you, it’s more about their struggles.

You should do what is best for you and your family.  Have kids when the time is right for you, and not dependent on anyone else’ timeline.

Post # 9
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I don’t think you should base the decision of TTC on whether or not you SIL has gotten pregnant yet. What if she never does? I know for me personally, it’s going to be a stink in my family if I concieve within the next year or two because I’m one of the youngest of 32 first cousins in a really tight nit family (My mom is one of 10 siblings). I just have to keep thinking that it’s about what’s right for me and my SO and the timing that works for our lives. They won’t be the one raising my kids so I have to make sure its right for ME. I think you should do the same 🙂

Post # 10
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

Also, if you do decide to conceive before her, maybe invite her along and make her feel included (don’t force it).

Post # 11
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think the decisions to TTC has to be made by the couple not by what friends or family are going thru. That doesn’t mean if you do concieve before her that you can’t be sensitive about it and not discuss a lot of detail around her if you know it would bother her.

I don’t think you need to tell her that you two are trying either. That might just cause her more stress. I think the best way to handle it is if you DO get pregnant have a private conversation with her early on to let her know without making a huge deal out of it. That way it may be less of a shock than announcing it at a family gathering and it will show that you respect her feelings.

Post # 12
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You can’t wait forever to start your family. There IS a biological clock, you know! And if you wait for your SIL to TTC, and meanwhile lose your time, you will resent your SIL and the relationship will be sour for sure.

Just do what is best for your hubby and you in this case. Don’t discuss your pregnancy with her at all. Even when you are pregnant, only tell her after the 1st trimester, but for sure make her be the FIRST to know. You can dignify her with that. Even after that, don’t discuss anything about your pregnancy with her AT ALL. That will only serve to hurt her.

I don’t personally feel that it is a good idea to make her believe that you two are in YOUR pregnancy together. It is obviously not her baby. She wants one for herself. She will hate that feeling to the core.

Post # 13
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

What would happen if you got pregnant before you actually started TTC?  Like if your birth control didn’t work or something?  What would she do then for something that was unplanned but that you and your husband still wanted?  I think that you and your husband need to do what’s best for the two of you and your future family.  And I agree with previous posters, what if she never gets pregnant?  Are you supposed to never get pregnant because she can’t?

Post # 14
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i agree with the other bees–you should start ttc whenever is best for you and your so, not anyone else. this isn’t a one-time event, this is your life and your family. she may be jealous and hurt, but that’s her issue, you are not responsible for her decisions or her ability to conceive

Post # 15
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@aandmklover: I agree wuth other PP, you have to do what’s right for YOU. If it hurts other people’s feelings, that’s their problem. Not trying to be insensitive either but its really improtant that you live your life, regardless of what other people are going through. You should not feel guilty about anything.

Post # 16
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

To one besides you and your husband should have any say or have any factor in when you decide to start TTC.  And honestly, I don’t think you should even say anything to your SIL about it because it is none of her business.

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