- 6 years ago
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years now, we are both 30 and own a house together. He is currently working abroad a month at a time and then a month at home, therefore we don’t get to see too much of each other.
Reason I’m posting is because I’m quite confused regarding our future…. over a year and half ago he told me that he wanted to marry me when I was on holiday with the girls and he was at home – he said why wait? So, I dashed home all excited and nothing happened. Anniversaries, Christmases and birthdays went past and no mention of a proposal. Before this, I hadn’t even thought about getting married – all I knew was that I’d met the one for me and he was my man. He’d mentioned it at various points throughout the year. I had a really dark period about 6 months ago and became quite ill, for various reasons – one being because I’d become quite insecure about the whole future of our relationship – by this time we had quite a few arguments started by me about the future. A few months ago, we got into a fight and he was really keen to know the route cause so I was honest and told him. I explained exactly how I felt and how I felt that I had lost trust in him because of this. At this time he stated working abroad and we moved also which was quite stressful. In response to me pouring my heart out he said that I have nothing to worry about and it’s not a matter of it not happening it’s more like when. He said that he wants us to be happy and it to feel right, not going into a marriage having pretty bad arguments. Before me, he was with a girl for 8 years – he proposed to her when they were in their teens and they split a year before we met.
I know that my experience of marriage has been quite positive with family and friends having successful unions, whereas everyone he knows has split up and had a torrid time of it. He’s advised me that we should just concentrate on getting us happy and has told me to relax about the whole thing. In all honesty, even though he reassures me and would never leave as he is the most loyal person I know, I think Ive lost my trust that this will happen and have a fear that he is just telling me what I want to hear. I have had a pretty poor past with men so I know I harbour a lot of insecurities in this department. I just don’t know what to think – I think he wants to wait until we’re 35!
Because of these arguements he said that he now has a pretty dark image of marriage because they have been the route cause. I think ti may be that I feel like I have lost the control over my life. In that, for the first time, someone else is going to choose when to change my future. We have a very good relationship and are best friends, I just want to be happy and get rid of this deamon. I know the best way forward is to take the pressure off and be happy but Im struggling!
Can anybody give me some advice?