Post # 1
T and I have been together for almost 8 years, we’re 24 now. We’ve talked about marriage and kids for years now, we both seemed to be on the same page. We even went to look at rings when we were 21, he has just recently told me that he shouldn’t have done that because he wasn’t ready at that time. I told him from the beginning that I wasn’t going to be one of those girls who waits around for years, well it seems that I have turned into that girl. I was expecting to be married by this point in my life! We both have steady jobs, and a home. I found a receipt for a ring, and thought oh good this is finally it…well that was two years ago. He keeps telling me that he can’t afford it, or it’s just really expensive. Is this a warning sign that he isn’t ready? This is something that I get upset about frequently, I don’t know how much longer I can wait, and if it’s worth throwing away 8 years for? I don’t want to sound petty or concede, but I’ve told him the size of the ring doesn’t matter, it just feels like were committed but not completely. Has anyone else been in this situation before, or am I the only one?
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Post # 2
I think you should ask him about the receipt you found just to get that out in the clear because that seems odd. Also 8 years for a couple who presumably met/dated in highschool then through college it’s not actually considered a “long time” as it would be from 24 to 32. You guys were busy doing all the things you should be doing at that age plus college takes center stage.
I wouldn’t look for warning signs or hints from him, you might have “thrown away” 8 years of your life but you won’t know that until you sit down and have a real heart to heart with him. Do not forget that he is right that rings and weddings are expensive but that’s not an excuse. It’s a factor in timing though. Most of my girlfriends in your position after having dated for such a long time through those specific years ended up engaged/married after 9-10 years of dating. A few also realized they were no longer on the same page as their loves and they ended up breaking it off.
Bottom line: talk to him and figure out where he is at mentally and let him know where you are now and where you want to be. Give him a chance to get out his full opinion and when he thinks its a good time to get married and have kids. It’s difficult sometimes to think in terms of a timeline and he probably hasn’t even thought about it like that. “we could get married in 2017 and start trying to conceive in 2019 blah blah…” it’s a huge decision and conversation that the bee can’t make or do for you.
Post # 3
My now Fiance and I have been together for 8 years as well. He just proposed last year. I think it is normal for you to feel that way. I always wanted to get married young and start a family and so to me it felt like we have been together for too long. I think women look at the big picture of what if i can’t have kids easily and I wait too long. We look at it as starting our lives together. But men think differently and the fact is that you have started a life together. We are taking a marriage prep course through my church and some of the couples have been together for 14 years. Every relationship progresses in it’s own way. Talk to him and find out where he’s at. Give him a chance to speak openly and you do the same and hopefully you can make some decisions that work for you both. Good Luck!
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