Post # 1
- Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center
I know in my heart that it’s not a race and that every relationship progresses at its own level…but it’s so difficult to sit back and watch friends and cousins have really short turnaround periods (engaged at the one year mark, first relationship ever, even being long distance!). My last relationship of 2 years dismantled because the guy couldn’t commit, and now am with someone who’s a wonderful person (2+ years strong) and who sees marriage in our future, but the waiting game is agonizing. We are already basically engaged and thinking of a Fall 2018 wedding but he’s adament on not proposing until this Fall (I guess until he saves up for a ring? I’m not really sure why Fall. He’s just adament that the engagement and proposal is done ‘his way’ because he doesn’t care as much about anything else in the wedding planning process).
When I first joined WB, I saw all the waiting threads and didn’t really understand them, but now I totally get it. It’s sooo agonizing when you know you both are committed to each other. I don’t even really care that much about what kind of ring/proposal at this point; I mostly just want to be engaged already to the guy I love so that we can finally be official, tell our extended family about our relationship (we’re of Indian heritage – while our parents and siblings know we are dating, our extended families do not know and cannot know until it’s ‘official’ – long story that we just have to accept is a cultural reality), etc. and finally start planning a wedding. I hate being stressed and I know that the longer we wait to book venues the more stressful of a planning process it will be to get something we want and fits our budget. His family, my family, me and my SO all have four different visions of how and where to do this wedding, so I know that the planning process will be long, difficult and involve family drama in order to reach a common conclusion. I know SO is starting to get tired of wedding talk when we’re not even engaged, but it’s so hard to keep everything pent up! Anyone else going through this?
It feels like the last 4-5 years of my life have just been one long waiting period 🙁 I do keep myself busy through work, friends, travel, family and events, but distraction only goes so far as a technique mentally. Even though I have accomplished a lot personally in the last few years, I’m still feeling like I’m waiting for my life to begin. I don’t even bother to buy nice(r)/matching furniture because I think, what’s the point? Going to have to move and start over next year anyway.
Anyway, no question, just a vent post haha. Have a good week! Waiting is harder than I ever expected :0
Post # 2
My husband and I dated for 3 years long distance (1200 miles), then I moved to his town, he bought a ring a week later, and then waited 2 more years to propose. Worth the wait 100%. You can do it! 😉
Post # 3
You’re amazing and you’ve a great guy. Is there any chance that he’d agree to booking things pre-engagement? I also get the cultural issues too. Keep plugging along. Comparison is meant to be the thief of joy but it’s so hard not to compare with peers.
Post # 4
I can feel with you, i hated the waiting time. But i think it´s actually a very good sign that he already told you he will do it in fall. I dated my now husband almost 7 year and we were already living together for over 6,5 years before we got married, no proposal, no engagement time. Sometimes men do need more time than we do and i think you just need to give him this half year and let him do the proposal in his timeframe
Post # 5
I know it’s hard waiting, but that’s why you have us to vent to!
And it sounds like your engagement is coming fairly soon, so that is very exciting! Sounds like you’re a planner (like me…I love a good spreadsheet), so have you picked out a ring, or tried on different styles? It might be something to do while in the waiting period. Unless your SO wants to completely surprise you with it.
Also, even though my SO and I live together, I understand not wanting to buy nicer furniture because you’ll end up replacing it when you live together anyway. What about treating yourself/your place to one quality piece of furniture/artwork/kitchen appliance? That might be a nice way for you to enjoy this period a little more. I bought a KitchenAid stand mixer that I’d been wanting for YEARS…and it is so useful!
And unrelated, but I’ve read some of your previous posts, and do you mind if I ask what you do for a living? I think you mentioned moving to another city (state?) after marriage and looking for work in your new hometown. Maybe think about connecting with employers in your field ahead of time?
Honestly, it sounds like your life is full and well-rounded! Keep enjoying your hobbies and your proposal will be here soon enough!
Post # 6
I feel you! I have been with my bf for over 7 years and am pretty much the last of my friends to get married. It has been super frustrating and we’ve been long distance the last 3+ years which makes it worse. I just want to be married and live our everyday lives together! Luckily we recently decided when we wanted (when he wanted because I had been ready for a while) to get married. So even though we aren’t engaged yet we have started the wedding planning process. This has made me feel better and more content with our situation but it’s still killing me to wait for the ring! I know deep down that the wait has been, and will be worth it. It’s just hard to see that in the moment.
Post # 7
Have you thought about taking a break from weddingbee? I can see how reading threads about engagements and weddings could just make things worse. Just keep on keeping on. It sounds you have a full life even without an engagement.
Thought we had talked about marriage, Darling Husband was ready to propose sooner than I’d expected initially. It’s nice to not have expectations about that stuff and to just be pleasantly surprised.
Post # 8
I’m right there with you. Long distance of 1300 miles. 4 years together. It’s a lot harder than it sounds to keep your mind off of wanting to be engaged, isn’t it? Only 35 more days until I get to see my boyfriend again!
Post # 9
Look, being engaged and getting married is just the next step. It is special, absolutely, but it isn’t the end-all, be-all that a lot of people who are “waiting” seem to think it is. Your life isn’t on hold. You have a good relationship. You have a timeline.
I will say I have noticed you have posted a LOT about wedding planning on here. Not that you should go away from Weddingbee completely, but if this is making you this upset, maybe taking a step back and stop asking about showers and rings and weddings. I think that would be good for you.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center
Thanks everyone for all the love, wishes, and gentle interventions. I’ve realized that things are getting out of hand and I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I used to be happy (more or less, anyway). Now I just have anxiety all the time. Maybe it’s time to take a break from this.
Good luck with everyone’s relationships! Thanks for all of the support during a lonely time – Wish you all the best 🙂