- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2025
This is a post made from pure frustration (and possibly PMS). If you’re here to slam me down or tell me that I need to stop being a brat about waiting, you can leave! This is a rant , plain and simple.
Last week, I ended up starting a conversation with my boyfriend about engagement. We talked for a while, I got a little bit upset at the beginning because of how stressed I was, but I said most of the things that I wanted to and he’s well aware now that I’m getting frustrated with having to wait. I said I wanted a timeline but his response was “well i’m not going to tell you i’m going to propose in the next few months or something”. Which I understand, but I still didn’t get any answer about WHEN things are going to start moving in that direction. He did give me an indication that he’s thought of getting married but it didn’t really help my mindset in the days since our conversation.
Other people’s lives/engagements/marriages have nothing to do with our relationship, but it does NOT make it any easier when: couples who have been together a fraction of the time you and your SO have are getting engaged; or women who have made it undeniably clear that they don’t care about marriage/don’t think its a priority, get engaged (like his brother’s FI). This one couples’ post about their engagement kept being pushed to the top of my facebook feed. After two days of it constantly being bumped up (I spend a lot of time on facebook), I had to remove it from my feed because it was making me upset (this is what sparked the discussion bf and I had).
I’ve been struggling lately. I’ve been struggling with the whole waiting business. I am making a well founded assumption (from the horses mouth) that my boyfriend has decided he is not going to interfere with his brother’s wedding in order for us to get engaged (they’re getting married Summer ’15). And I am not okay with that. While I get it on one hand, I just don’t care on the other. I don’t think its right that I have to put my life on hold because of someone elses and I stand firm in believing that. It’s my bloody life too.
I’ve been the patient one in this relationship. I am my bfs first long-term, live-in girlfriend, where he is neither of those for me. I knew this when we got together and I’ve been incredibly patient with him, not pushing hm about anything and letting him hit relationship milestones in his own time. I knew I was in love with him months before he said I love you (I said nothing and let him do it first), I was ready to move in before he was and I waited until the timing was right for him, for example. We’ve spent a lot of time working on “basic” relationship skills because he just wasn’t experienced at being part of a couple. I’ve had no issue with any of this throughout our relationship and its made our relationship very strong as a result. He’s a wonderful man and I’ve enjoyed the time we have together and we spend a ton of time together now, simply because we enjoy each others’ company.
We moved into a new home together in fall of 2013 and after a rocky adjustment period (which I anticipated since I’ve been through it before in a previous relationship, I think he was surprised by it), things couldn’t be better. We’re in a very stable relationship, fight very rarely and generally get along incredibly well. I’ve been ready to start talking about engagement for probably 6 months or more, but I knew he wasn’t ready so I didn’t push anything. I started being a little less secretive about my intentions, if you will, occasionally sharing something with him from the bridal section of pinterest, but I’ve tried not to push or incinuate and definitely not to go overboard.
I am the easygoing girlfriend and I know that a few of his friends would kill to have someone as laid back as me. He has it good with me – very good. I do anything I can to make him happy and I know I succeed at it because he tells me so. His needs are just as important as mine and I make an effort to make sure whatever they are, his needs are met (and he does the same for me).
I’m tired of being patient. I’m tired of waiting for someone to want to be with me forever. I’m tired of being resentful of people who’s lives are moving forward while mine is not. I’m tired of waiting for the next phase of my life, which I’ve been waiting for for years. I’m tired of not talking about how seeing other people get their happily ever after is driving me bonkers. I’m tired of being objective and always seeing both sides of things. I’m tired of all of it. My walk date is over a year away, but I feel like time is going faster as I get older and I’m running out of time to have a life that I want. It took me a long time to find him and even longer to get my life to where it is now – good job, nice home, stable finances. I want children and I want the opportunity to bear those children and not be forced to have a surrogate or adopt because I’m too old. The longer it takes to get the show on the road, the more concerned I am about not being able to have a family of my own. I’m sure that sentence will evoke some “oh you’re young, don’t worry” posts from various people but I AM worried. Who am I to know if I’m going to be able to even have children? I’ve been on the pill for over a decade, so I have no idea what’s going to happen on the other side of that coin. I don’t want to be aged out because he can’t get his shit together for another year, and then another year for the engagement before a wedding. I know my bf and there won’t be kids right after marriage, its not his style. And from the very beginning, we agreed, no kids before marriage.
The idea of us getting engaged used to be exciting but now I wonder if by the time he does actually get around to it, my response is going to be “about time!” (which of course, I would never say, ever!). I don’t care about a huge dress or an expensive wedding. I’d be happy to elope just so we could BE married and move on to being in a marriage and starting a family. We both know we’ll have to have a big wedding because of our families, but I’m not as excited anymore. I’m sure (I hope) that will change if it happens but its depressing to think I’m going to have to keep waiting, keep being asked “so when are you getting married” and all those inappropriate questions everyone always asks. I just want to put a sign on my head that says “don’t ask me about my relationship status”.
Waiting sucks 🙁
If you got this far, thank you thank you and thank you for taking the time to read such a long post <3