Post # 1
Months ago my best friend, who is engaged, blew up at me about how I wasn’t engaged and shouldn’t be able to talk to my SO about our wedding or begin planning since I am not officially engaged.
To explain, there were other things bothering her and I was the one who got the blow up. I understood, but I have been having a hard time since then.
My best friend is planning her wedding for September 2013. I am her Maid/Matron of Honor and very excited to be apart of it. We have gone wedding dress shopping twice and although I am happy to support her and focus on her, I cannot help feel a little hurt that I cannot join her.
Ever since her first dress trial, I have been in a funk due to all of thee above. A part of me felt like I was walking on eggshells because I am not engaged yet.
If you need some background information, read my post: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/new-waiting-bee-with-concerns
My SO has been trying his best to get me out of said funk, so I asked him if he would answer a question for me before we went out to dinner a few nights ago. He said “of course” I asked if we would be engaged by the end of the year. His respose was “I’m trying.”
I don’t know what else to do. I have found a cheaper ring that I love (again see other post for more details) and still might not get engaged until next year which is when we plan to get married. And, of course, my best friend has another dress trial in a few weeks.
I don’t want me to get further into this funk. Work is starting again which might help me focus on something other than weddings, but. . . Help?
Post # 3
My best advise is to show some SPINE (not that you don’t, but up the anty)! F* this brizilla. How dare she blow up at you and have such low class as to deny you the right to plan for your eminent wedding! Brush this off your shoulders. Stand straight and Let this woman show her true colors. Then evaluate your relationship with her when your Maid/Matron of Honor duties are fulfilled. But now is a great time to shuffle some of the responsibility to the other bridesmaids.
“Well why do you not want to do this for the bride anymore”
“Because she was being a Bitch and blew up at me for no reason.”
Post # 4
Yes, my best friend had a moment that bothered me to the core. I did tell her how much she hurt me and that she needed to come straight forward with what was really bothering her since it was out of character for her. Since then, we haven’t had any issues since she told me what was truly bothering her. She isn’t a bridezilla and even told me to try on a few dresses at her next trial. I just want to be a great Maid/Matron of Honor and don’t want to take away from her; therefore, I have decided to dress shop for her seperately from me so we both get our moments. She is still my best friend and I don’t see that changing over one blow up.
The issue I was posting about was not my best friend. It is the fact that I am not engaged and do feel like I would be more comfortable if I were during her events. Plus, it does seem odd not to have a ring on when trying on wedding dresses. Those are a few reason why finding out from my SO that he is trying to propose by the end of the year is so upsetting. My best friend honestly thought that I would be engaged first.
A ring on my finger would just make this all more pleasant for me. I do enjoy it and have had fun seeing her try on dresses. I would enjoy it even more if I could start planning my dress trials so we could enjoy both trying on and being a viewer with an opinion. I hope that makes sense.
(sigh) I really want to be his fiancee already.
Post # 5
@AmpersandStyle: I know waiting gets hard. especially when other people are getting married.
I personally would not try on wedding dresses at the next fitting. 1) it’s bad luck & 2) you may be opening yourself up for more snarky remarks. You wouldn’t want to be in a dress, as a waiting bee and have the bride make some shitty remark. Even if she insist, don’t do it. it will be walking into an attack. You are the Maid/Matron of Honor for this shindig.
I know you love your BFF but some women become different people when they become brides.
Just take note of what you like. your time will come
Post # 6
try to focus on the positive. when you get engaged, you will have learned a lot from helping her plan her wedding. her dress will be bought, so you won’t accidentally buy the same dress!! when your engagement happens, you can have your own hoopla and spot lights since the newness of hers will have faded away. I know it is hard– i’m Maid/Matron of Honor right now and I wish I had a ring too. Things happen for a reason. At least that’s what I’m telling myself!! I’m actually telling myself all the stuff i said up there!
Post # 7
Waiting is hard. Harder than I thought it would be; that is for sure. I do believe that my best friend’s wedding has made it harder. It wasn’t hard when she was engaged and only in the preliminary discussions before the planning began.
I didn’t realize that trying on dresses before you are engaged is bad luck! I will have to use that to get out of trying on dresses at the next trial. Thank you for letting me know.
Thankfully, other than that one blow up, my best friend has been herself just more wedding oriented.
I know my time will come. . . eventually. Thank you.
Post # 8
Thank you. Although, I don’t want someone in the same situation; it is nice to know that I am not alone. I will keep telling myself all of those. Thank you!
Post # 9
Do you understand what your SO means by “trying” to propose? This is confusing to me. If it’s simply the matter of affording the ring, it seems like it wouldn’t take too many months for him to earn the $200 for the ring you showed him. I am surprised that he wouldn’t be able to assure you that he can do it before the year ends.
Since this seems like the ring cost is not much of a hurdle, I wonder what other issues might really explain why he is delaying the proposal and is “tryiing”. Is it that he wants to be more financially secure (pay off debts, have an emergency fund built up, or have savings for the wedding)? If so, discussing those goals openly between the two of you might help you understand his reasoning and alleviate any disappointment about when he’s planning to propose. It might even mean that you would need to delay the wedding, if he feels unable to meet those financial goals in time for a proposal and wedding next year. If that’s the case, and if I were you, I’d want to know so that I could adjust my expectations. Or maybe discussing these issues, you two can find solutions together that can speed things up. I hope things work out for you two soon!!
Post # 10
@AmpersandStyle: I was Maid/Matron of Honor in my friend’s wedding and being surrounded by wedding stuff when you want to be engaged is tough for any body!! I tried to just be happy for her and remember that it would be my turn (hopefully soon!!). She also blew up at me the day before her wedding in front of the bridal party and was a total nasty bridezilla… something I will keep in mind when I am selecting my bridesmaids!
In terms of your SO, it seems like you are on the same page. It’s funny bc last week I was having this same discussion with my SO (who has had a really tough year economically) and he wants to try to propose over my winter break. He told me the same thing; “I’m trying.” I think trying is not only about money. Even if a ring is relatively inexpensive, part of the proposal may take money or a great deal of thought and planning. Try to be patient and hopefully your turn will be very very soon!! I’m trying to get out of my funk by working out more and NOT watching wedding shows- just too painful!! Good luck!!
Post # 11
DO. NOT. try on dresses at your friend’s appointment.
It will end badly… lol…. As much as she says she may be okay with it, realistically, when you have the dress on… she’s likely to change her mind.
While looking for my wedding dress, one of my bridesmaids decided to lookk at dresses for herself (she’s not even engaged!!!!!!). I was soooooo mad, and hurt.
In the mean time.. try not to focus so much on not being engaged. It really isn’t a big deal… although it may feel like the end of the world right now. Realistically, what will change when you’re engaged? A title? and the ability to wedding plan— aka spend insane amounts of money. If your SO is having trouble saving up for you ring, I’m sure you can imagine the hardships an expensive wedding is going to cost. Give it some more time, and in the mean time.. enjoy helping your friend plan.. It’s all the fun, without any of the stress, and it costs you nothing!
Post # 12
My SO just graduated from graduate school and has been looking for a better job in his field. Unfortunately with the economy the way it is, he hasn’t had much luck. Thankfully, his current job is in his field and they just offered him a raise. I do know that he was hoping to land a new and better job first, but the raise might just be the trick once it is approved. I do plan on talking to him more about it this weekend.
I am happy for my best friend and I am honored that she asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor. Thankfully her blow up was before she even asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor and we were able to work everything out. It was out of character for her to do that to me and when I confronted her about how much she hurt me, she admitted what was really bothering her. I warned her about doing that and that it will make her wedding planning and day of so much better if she just openly tells people what is bothering her instead of not saying anything and then exploding. She agreed and has been very good since. It also helps that her subconscious keeps her in line by giving her nightmares; she had a few in which I would not be Maid/Matron of Honor. . . and she keeps asking to check if she is being a bridezilla.
Like I said to whydoesithurt, my SO really wanted a new and better job in his field now that he has his Master’s degree. I am hoping that the raise, once it is approved, will make it a little less stressful for him. I agree that it is more than the financial aspect when it comes to proposing and I think he wants it to be very memorable and uniquely us. I am trying to be patient and keep myself busy.
I am not going to try on dresses at her appointments. Thankfully, Sapphire-Dreamer warned me that it is bad luck. Plus, I don’t want to take away from my friend’s experience (even if her stepmother is the one pushing for me to try on dresses) I am just going to let my best friend know so that way it won’t be a surprise to her when I opt not to at her appointment.
I am going to try and be patient, but it is hard. SO and I have talked and we have a cap of $5000 to spend for our wedding; we would love to spend under that. We don’t want to spend an insane amount on one day when we could put it towards a house and saving for our future together.