Post # 1
I’m back and still waiting. He has had the ring since spring 2012 (yes, a year and a half). I was so excited last year and now I’m just not. I’m hurt. I’m embarrassed because we picked the ring together and I told a few of my friends about it. I’ve since had to tell them that I don’t know if he bought the ring or we used the money for other things. I’ve expressed this and all he has to say is he has a plan. I feel like he isn’t excited to marry me. Why wait this long with a ring in your possession?
I feel like when we finally get engaged it will just not be that exciting anymore. All I get now is comments about why we aren’t married or when we will get engaged. I am afraid when we do get engaged, I won’t get congratulations. I’ll only get jokes along the lines of “its about time. ” In the 6 years we’ve been dating, all of my friends have gotten married and most have had babies.
Maybe I just need to vent. Thanks ladies.
Post # 3
I definitely know the feeling – but trust me, you will feel the excitement again! I got engaged after 9 (NINE!) years and definitely hit rock bottom a few times waiting for my partner to get around to things, but it all worked out in the end. Everyone was ridiculously excited for us and the fact that he put together a fantastic proposal really mollified me and made the wait worthwhile.
I do think at the point you need to sit down with your SO and gently ask what is going on with wedding/proposal stuff, and get some sort of timeline from him. It is not fair for him to string you along indefinitely.
Post # 4
I can’t come up with any good reason for a guy to hold onto a ring for 1.5 years. Maybe some other bees have been in this situation and can help you out. If you had said 6 months, I would have said keep waiting…but the length of time seems ridiculous to me.
Post # 5
I’m sorry, I know how you feel. I have been waiting for about a year and a half as well (Although he has only had the ring for a few months). My emotions seem to go in cycles, but lately I feel like I any not excited anymore. I talked to my BF the other day because it was really starting to affect me. We had a really good talk. He said he had no idea I was that anxious for it to happen and he told me it would happen soon. He said he wanted to start trying to have a baby in one year Orr a little under, and we definitely had to be married before that.
Could you have a calm talk with your boyfriend just to see where he stands? are you sure he bought the ring, or did you just show him which one you wanted? Either way since so much time has passed it’s totally reasonable to ask.
Post # 6
I know he has the ring, he confirmed that last year. I think that may be what hurts the most. I feel like he isn’t excited to marry me or just doesn’t want to get married. He says he is excited but I find this a wierd way of showing it.
I brought this up a month or two ago. He gave me a really vague timeline and said he has a plan.
I think I’ve come to a point where I feel defeated. Almost like I don’t even want it to happen anymore because now I feel like he is just doing it because it is time to “shit or get off the pot.” He is going to be 35 in October and wants kids. I am feeling like he is settling for me.
Post # 7
@MissGreyhound: IMO it’s time for a serious talk. A year and a half is WAY too long to wait once you’ve purchased a ring. If you’re both on the same page about wanting to spend your lives together, then get that life started! This is not meant to be an attack, but no one should have to wait that long for anything. A relationship is a partnership, and you both have to decide what you want out of it and work together to make that happen. It’s one thing for him to wait a few months, but not a year and a half. I agree that you need to have a calm, but serious, chat with him about what is going on.
Post # 8
He’s waited long enough. It’s a jerk move to have a ring for that long and string someone along, just my view on the situation.
Post # 9
It’s definitely time to have that talk. I completely understand why you would be hurt. He needs to know how you are feeling. I got engaged at 5.5 years of dating – we had a timeline and we (he) followed it. I feel like with 6 years of dating you two should be on the same page for this plan, especially at his age. I’m sorry you are going through this *hugs*.
Post # 10
@MissGreyhound: If he is holding the ring for sooo long, how long would your engagement be?
I highly doubt he is planning a proposal during that time. What is he waiting on? Based on what you’ve posted, it seems as if he is not sure if he wants to give you the ring. Your sentiments are legit!
I am not usually one to post negative things in these situations but OMG! I too am in a relationship for over 6 years and I would definitely be pissed if he has a ring and refuses to propose.
Let him know that you are getting less and less excited about it if you haven’t already told him so. Let him understand your frustration.
Post # 11
Man I don’t know what to tell you….except I know a guy that has had the ring for just over 2 years (it is a 30k blingtastic knuckle buster, too!) and he still has not proposed to his wonderful Girlfriend. She is headed for sainthood after having stuck by him with nothing but love and devotion during major duh-rama. I can’t wait to see that ring on her finger and I hope you get your spark ly soon, too!
Post # 12
Propose to him! Then you’ll get an immediate answer.
You can tell him that if you snooze, you lose.
Post # 13
@LoveBugBee: Do you know why he’s taken 2 years when he has the ring?
Post # 14
@MissGreyhound: wow thats a long time to “plan” I’d definetly expect a grand proposal if i had to wait that long!!!
Post # 15
@MissGreyhound: I agree with PPs- a serious talk is definitely in order.
I also wanted to let you know that I waited a lot longer than I had wanted to- almost a year past the deadline he had promised we would be engaged by- and I wasn’t excited any more. I was depressed, resentful, and became almost numb to the situation to protect myself. I was very honest with SO throughout this time too- which I think helped. We met through mutual friends- and while we were dating one couple got married, bought a house, got a puppy, and had a baby and we had done nothing and gone no where. I said I hoped it would be worth waiting for- I had been waiting for such a long time. I went up about 250 spots on the waiting list. I want to tell you all of that because when it FINALLY happened… All that negativity washed away and I became VERY excited!! I think I got one or two, “it’s about time” comments- and those sting. But many of my family and friends were excited too!!
I would turn to the bee when waiting was rough and engaged/ married bees who had a hard time waiting would sometimes post that they had a similar situation well said that once the proposal came, they were excited and happy!! I didn’t believe them, but hoped they were right! So I just wanted to let you know that you can still have a happy ending– in my case, we went to Cancun and SO surprised me with a manicure and dress, we had a horse and carriage ride along the beach and he proposed! He even had a photographer do a photo shoot and then we dined in a private gazebo on the beach and ate an amazing 5 course dinner! 🙂 Once it does happen, it will be amazing!!!
ETA: sorry, that was soo long!!
Post # 16
@MissGreyhound: I can 110% relate. Its bad when its been over 8 years and the cashier at the grocery store asks if there’s any “news” yet. I was basically disappointed that nothing happened on our six year anniversary, and now, two years later, its so close but it feels so far away. Its to the point where my friends have gone from telling me to relax and let it go, to it should have happened by now. I’m also being told the surprise will be spoiled when it actually does happen, but I think I’m far beyond that point as well. I feel like when it does happen, I’ll just say “its a little too soon don’t you think?” …It might sound harsh, but its a combination or our relationship & my twisted sense of humor. 🙂 What makes it worse is that he is the person I vent to about everything and in this situation, I absolutely refuse to let on that its bothering me, and I am about to jump out the window because I don’t have an outlet.
Anyway, its horrible to say that its comforting that I’m not alone in this, but at the same time, I hope things turn around for you and that he starts to move sooner than later. Its such an uneasy feeling, and I really don’t think anyone deserves to be in limbo for that long! 🙁