(Closed) Waiting has ruined the excitement

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 18
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’d be really pissed and questioning his commitment to me. When my DH bought the ring, he could hardly wait to give it to me! 

Post # 19
Member
1959 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

i just wanted to say, I’VE BEEN YOU! I was with my Fiance for four years, we had already talked about marriage, had moved in together, and he had relocated across the country with me for my job. We were DEFINITELY committed. He kept saying it would be soon and I just couldn’t understand why he didn’t do it. Nothing on our 5 year anniversary, nothing on my birthday or Christmas. I had friends telling me to talk to him or dump him but I knew he had a plan.

 

Turns out he had asked my dad for my hand in marriage, and my dad (being the obvious old fashioned type) wanted to get to know him better before he said yes. (we lived in Texas, my family was in MN so they didn’t get to see him a lot) This meant a year and a half of emailing between my Fiance and dad until finally he got permission. When we did get engaged, I was absolutely ecstatic. All the worry and depression and resentment went away because I knew he had a plan and wanted to marry me, and then I was finally able to call him my fiance and start planning the wedding. 

 

On the other hand, he had been with a girlfriend (the one previous to me) for five years as well. He had even paid every single payment on a ring for her but the VERY LAST ONE. He just couldn’t bring himself to actually buy it and take it home because he knew she wasn’t the one. They broke up eventually.

 

Only you can gauge how committed he is, but if you think so then just hang in there. You WILL be excited. 

Post # 20
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

So sorry you’re having to wait this long. What a jerk to say he has the ring but then not give it to you. Who buys a ring before they’re ready? My fiance waited maybe 2 weeks, and that was only because he’d planned for it to be my Christmas gift. And he’s said even that was hard.

If he’s telling you he has a plan, let him know you have a plan too. And that’s NOT waiting around forever for some mysterious time when he decides you can finally have the dang ring!

Post # 21
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I haven’t wanted to post on the thread, but I feel like something should be said for those that have “plans”. 

My SO, by his own timeline, will have had the ring almost a year (if not a full year) by the time he proposes. He’s absolutely adamant about not proposing until he passes this class. According to him, he has to be able to see himself being able to support me during our engagement and then into marriage. This plan of his doesn’t take into account that I have a better job, currently make more money, and support myself (and will continue to do so) quite well. 

I haven’t been waiting as long as some of the others here. Only since he bought the ring have I even considered it ‘waiting’. Even then, a birthday, an anniversary and a few breakdowns have passed to get the information I have. 

If he doesn’t pass his class, there’s the very real possibility that I might have to ‘wait’ another year. Assuming I chose to do that. I don’t know at this point. It’s a sore subject that I will visit if I must, but for the time being, I don’t think about.

Talk to him. Ask him why he’s waiting so long. Tell him you don’t understand, and that you don’t want to push, but you need to understand. I had a mini break last night and asked him if he was doing this because I was being pushy or if he wanted to. He said he wouldn’t do anything if he didn’t want to do it. Not that he’d done anything. 

As hard as waiting is on us, we have to be willing to talk to them, to get the answers that help us to understand what they are thinking. It feels like pushing, and it might be at times, but better to know what you are facing, than not. 

Good luck.

Post # 22
Member
595 posts
Busy bee

I’ve always wondered why some guys get the ring yet still wait to propose….. I’ve always thought they are getting the ring because they are ready to propose, why wait? I guess looking on the bright side, at least there is an engagement in sight! 6+ years and still no ring over here!

Post # 23
Member
694 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Normally, I think some of these waiting posts are a little over the top, but what he’s doing is wrong, IMO. He has a plan? To what? Let you suffer for another year? I mean he’s had the ring through all the gift-giving holidays of one year, all the special relationship anniversaries of one year, etc. 

I don’t know what I’d do in your situation, but I certainly wouldn’t be liking it. It’s one thing to nag someone, but when you know he has had the ring this long? Come on!

Post # 24
Member
567 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@beekiss:  I’m sad to say I agree.  He either needs to get his skates on and hurry up, or decide if he wants marriage. 

Post # 25
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

 

My guy has a plan as well, and he has a point. I don’t know all there is to know about his plan, and guess what; it’s not all for me to know. I’m not the only one going through this process, so it isn’t right to only think of my own feelings. Now don’t get me wrong, he has to remind me of this every time I try to dig the information out of him.  He’s had a plan he’s been working for some time, but he is working it. Your SO might need to pay off some debt, because he needs to feel he’s improving your life and not bringing you down. Yours SO may be trying to work up the nerve to ask your parents for your hand OR have already asked for your hand and is trying to meet some request they asked of him (be settled in his job, etc). Your SO may be trying to pay for the entire wedding, some grand honeymoon, or elaborate engagement so he can sweep you away because you deserve it. Also remember some guys consider asking a woman for her hand as a sign that they are able to fully support you (without your help) and is taking the reins from your dad (even if daddy isn’t supporting you anymore). The waiting is often building up cash reserves or getting a promotion. This is a good thing! It’s because you deserve it. There is no need to rush and be hasty because waiting one year to sign a marriage certificate doesn’t really make a difference when you will be spending the rest of your lives together. Your guy has a plan. Trust him and his plan. If you can’t trust him and his plan, then you shouldn’t be marrying him. Trust me, I know its nerve wrecking sometimes, but trust your man. He only wants to do right by you. I don’t even know if my guy has the ring, but I do know that he will propose and we’ll be married (and he knows not to wait too long because I’ll be hurt). I’ve had my eye on a dress and it went on clearance while his “plan” is still in action. He didn’t want me to miss out on it, so he purchased it. No ring yet, but it will happen. Just relax and let the man work his grand plan. Remember that him completing this goal means a lot to him.

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